I am learning

Most people go to school to learn about their career, but I've come to the realization that I've been going to school to learn about my calling.

I'm a psychology major, and believe me I learn. I know the various founders of psychology, the fundamentals of no-telling how many theories, I've grasped an understanding of "why people do what they do," and I've learned how to train a fish (weird, I know). I truly look forward to working somewhere in my field following graduation next year, but my calling goes so much further than that.

As many know, I have been called to be a wife and to be a mother. I've known since I was a little girl, and I've reluctantly admitted it to people time and time again just to hear their responses of "you don't need to depend on some man" or "you are too smart to just sit around at home all day."
The tough blows I receive upon telling people the most genuine aspiration I have are enough for me to hang my head shamefully when people ask, "So, what do you want to be when you grow up?"

Anyway, back to college.

I hate being at school. That's no secret because like I said, I simply want to be a wife and a mother. However, that time hasn't come yet. I'm only twenty, and I recognize the fact that good things do, in fact, take time. But just because my call to be a wife and a mother doesn't have a degree I can major in and graduate with does not mean that I am exempt from learning.

God has been teaching me some important lessons over the past three years, and I can only imagine what's to come in the next year.

Through my time at school, I have learned how to follow through with the things that I just don't want to do. Let me reiterate this for you (as if I haven't done so enough before): I hate school. So the fact that I am putting myself through 4 years of an education just because I know this is where God has called me to be, well I think that speaks for itself.
I have learned the importance of obedience through this. I have learned the importance of dedication through this. And I have learned exactly what it means to live out Colossians 3:23, as I have pursued this education and worked diligently and wholeheartedly for my Father and not for myself, my professors, or even my parents.

Through my time at school, I have learned how to pray. Oh boy, have I learned how to pray. More importantly, I have learned that The Lord truly hears my prayers!!! Oh what a comfort and assurance that provides. I am just a mere twenty years old, and I have seen God working in my life in more ways than I will ever be able to write about simply because I talk to Him. He is so faithful to bend down, turn His ear to me, and to hear my prayers (Psalm 116:2). Oh, how deep the Father's love is for me. 
I honestly don't think I would have reached this point in my prayer life had I not been guided to go to school. College has broken me, challenged me, and stretched me time and time again.. And I'm not just talking about the academics. The loneliness, the fears, the outright desperation for someone to just understand, and the numerous other aspects of being in a place that is far from home and from the people that I love has brought me to my knees time and time again. Through the tears, the frustrations, and the overwhelming bouts of it all... He has been there. Something I've always known, but never truly experienced like I have throughout my time in college.

Through my time at school, I have learned to serve. I have been given opportunities to serve those around me, and I have made efforts to seek out my own opportunities as well. I have seen crying girls in the bathroom, who I've learned to go to God in prayer for.  I have watched my roommate struggle through the day absolutely exhausted, who I've learned to just provide a simple act of kindness for like making her bed or folding her laundry. I drive to an apartment complex every Wednesday afternoon just to simply spend time with children who have no idea who Love is. I have written note after note and letter after letter to countless friends who need even just an ounce of encouragement.
I have held doors, done laundry, picked up food, and many other simple acts of service not because of who I am, but because of who God is in me. Service isn't about me. It is not about how much I can do or what I receive from it, but it is solely about the fact that I have been made new in Christ so that I can work according to His purposes that He has planned for my life (Ephesians 2:10).

Okay, so back to my calling.

I am not so naive that I think that being a wife and mother one day will continually be an array of sunshine and butterflies, and I wouldn't be surprised to hear that the wives/mothers reading this were wishing they could just go back to their college days. I have seen the exhausted looks and the tough battles that the women I look up to, including my own mother, endure on a day to day basis. The never-ending loads of laundry that pile high on the couch, the sticky counters covered with dirty dishes that seem to multiply by the minute, and the cries and screams of tiny humans who depend on you for their very existence. What am I getting myself into I wonder? 

I don't know. I am not at that point in my life just yet.
But I am learning. I am learning to get through the day, sometimes minute by minute, when I helplessly feel as if I can't continue any longer. I am learning to pray through the toughest of times and the best of times. I am learning to serve the ones that I love and the ones who drive me absolutely crazy. I am learning. 

Thank you, Lord, for directing my steps to a place where I can learn. 

Rolling Away the Stone

When I read Mark 16, I like to jump forward to verse five because I like reading about how Jesus was RESURRECTED FROM THE DEAD. 

How cool is that?

I think we take it for granted sometimes because we've heard it so many times. But seriously, sit there and think about it.

Jesus was DEAD. Then a few days later HE WAS ALIVE AGAIN.

That blows my mind.

However, that's not what I'm going to write about today. Instead, I'm going to write about the first couple of verses that I so often just skim over.

"When the Sabbath had ended, Mary Magdalene, Salome, and Mary the mother of James went out and purchased burial spices so that they could anoint Jesus' body. Very early on Sunday morning, just at sunrise, they went to the tomb. On the way they were asking each other, 'Who will roll away the stone for us from the entrance to the tomb?' But as they arrived, they looked up and saw that the stone, which was very large, had already been rolled aside." 

Mark 16:1-4

What's the significance of these verses? 

Well, let me tell you, they've hit me like a ton of bricks here lately. 

Read back over those verses. 

"On the way they were asking each other, 'Who will roll away the stone for us from the entrance of the tomb?'" 

I can only imagine the conversations they must have been having as anxiety and fear consumed them on their walk to care for Jesus' dead body. Three women, fully aware of their incapability to roll away the large stone in front of the tomb... of course they're going to worry. 

Does that anxiety sound familiar? 

I know it does for me. It's like clock work in my own life. Every 5-6 months I find myself worrying about how I am going to afford paying for my upcoming semester of school. So quickly I forget the provision that God has continually poured over me during my past three years of school, and I quickly get consumed by the vicious cycle of worrying as I think about my own "large stone" that I am afraid of having to deal with. 

Read back over those verses one more time. 

"But as they arrived, they looked up and saw that the stone, which was very large, had already been rolled aside." 

How amazing is that? 

I mean, we already know the rest of the story and why the stone had already been moved... but just think about how those three women must have felt. 

What a sense of relief they must have experienced! 

They had just spent their whole journey worrying about how they would ever move that stone, but the problem was already solved ahead of time for them. 

God sure does have a good sense of humor, huh? Or is it just that He truly cares for our every need. 

Much like Mary, Salome, and Mary Magdalene, I will find myself worrying over the most trivial (though the seem huge) things in my life. However, when it comes down to it.. I'm only worrying about a problem that has already been accounted for and solved by my Heavenly Father. 

He is so faithful to provide for me to attend school every semester, as He is faithful in every aspect of my life. 

Honestly, I've written this blogpost to myself. It is no secret that I am a worrier. However, I couldn't help but to share the Truths that God has been permeating my life with over the past couple of weeks. I hope and pray that He speaks to your heart as He has been speaking to mine. 

"The Lord will work out His plans for my life—for your faithful love, Oh Lord, endures forever." 

Psalm 138:8

Netflix and Chill

Netflix and chill. 

I'm sure if you're around teenagers/young adults or if you've been on social media over the past couple of months, this phrase isn't new to you.

Sounds relaxing right?

Not for me. I cringe every time I see or hear the words "Netflix and chill."

Let me clarify: I LOVE NETFLIX, and I really love kicking off my shoes and relaxing too.
But unfortunately, society has twisted this phrase into something that throws dating out of the window while instead encouraging couples to lay around in bed and indulge in the physical aspects of a relationship instead of truly spending quality time together.

When I look at my own relationship, I cannot imagine over a year of dating Mitchell where all we ever did was "Netflix and chill." Quite frankly, I don't see how one could even call "Netflix and chill" dating when the TV is the one doing all of the talking. And if I were to be completely honest, if my boyfriend was to try to cross physical boundaries with me while we were on that so-called date then he would have hit the curb before the movie was even over.

I don't mean this post to discourage watching a movie every now and then with your boyfriend or girlfriend, but I do hope it helps you to realize what dating is not because dating is so much more than lying around behind closed doors with your girlfriend or boyfriend.

Dating is a time where you are suppose to talk with and get to know your significant other.
Dating is a time where you are suppose to respect the heart, emotions, and body of the one you are with.
Dating is a time to go do things you might not have time or money for after marriage and especially after kids.
Dating is a time to make memories; memories that will last a lifetime.

Here's a glimpse of some of my favorite dates with Mitchell

Blueberry Picking

The Safari Park 

A visit to his work

Road trip to a baby canyon 

Ice Skating

Watched the sunset

Climbed a fire tower

Chased "waterfalls" 

I share all of this to say that actually dating is still in existence if you make the choice to GO, and it doesn't always have to be something formal or expensive!

Don't settle, and surely don't let "Netflix and chill" be the only stories you have to share with your grandchildren one day.

70 X 7

Everyday for the past couple of weeks, I have woken up hurt by the pain someone else has caused me.

In turn, everyday for the past couple of weeks, I have gotten extremely frustrated with what I have considered "my inability to forgive as Christ has forgiven me."

If you took a look at my grades, it'd be no secret that I'm pretty bad at math.

I've never really liked math, and it's always been something that I've struggled with, especially when it comes to this one particular math problem.

70 x 7 
It gets me every time.

If you don't know what I'm referring to, take a look at these two verses.

"Then Peter came to him and asked, 'Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?' 'No, not seven times,' Jesus replied, 'But seventy times seven.'" 

Matthew 18:21-22

As I first read this verse following my frustrations with forgiveness, I got really annoyed with God. "Seriously, Lord? You expect me to forgive _____  for their countless sins against me... How am I suppose to do that when I can't even forgive them for this one act?"

As I have tried, tried, and tried again to forgive this person, each day something would remind me of the pain that they caused me, which ultimately led to feelings of resentment and hurt all over again. "Great. I thought I forgave them already, Lord, but here I am experiencing this all over again. I'll never be able to truly forgive."

Not too long ago, as I struggled yet again with my "inability to forgive" I had a revelation. 

Maybe God isn't just telling me that when ____ sins seventy times seven times, I must forgive them for each account. Maybe God is also telling me that I need to forgive this one sin against me seventy times seven times. 

As I processed that thought, I began to realize that forgiveness is a choice that, more often than not, has to be made more than once. And for me, the choice to forgive has to be made daily, at least for now.

To close, I wanted to share with you a prayer that I often find myself having to pray when I have to make the choice to forgive yet again:

____________________________________________________

Father, 

I am coming to you right now as I recognize my need for you to help me forgive _____.  I know that in my weakness, I cannot forgive _____, so I am asking you to please display your strength through me. I am bringing you my feelings of bitterness, pain, and sadness, as I recognize that these feelings are hindering me from loving others and experiencing your joy. By faith in you, I am coming to you right now to ask for the strength and the grace to forgive _____ as you have forgiven me. Please heal my heart as I no longer want to be held captive by pain, bitterness, and unforgiveness any longer. Renew in my spirit a fresh understanding of your grace and your love so that I can mirror that in the lives of others. Help me to act on my faith rather than my feelings, as I continue through this journey of forgiveness. Lord, thank you for forgiving me, thank you for setting me free, and thank you for displaying your power through me as I am making the choice to forgive today. I love you, Lord. 

Amen. 

My Joy Jar

Today, I made this joy jar. 

"What is this joy jar about?" you may ask.

Well in this joy jar I have begun to write a few things on slips of paper that I am thankful for and that bring me joy. I wrote the names of my loved ones. I wrote a few of my favorite things like sunflowers, sunsets, and giraffes. I wrote about my prayer time, my bible readings, and my Savior. Each of these things I wrote, folded up, and put into this jar.

So why did I do this?

Well today, I texted my mom in tears. I was really really unhappy with my circumstances, and I felt the need to complain to someone... her response was a quick "take a prayer walk and reflect on all of the things that you're thankful for. Don't let Satan rob you of your joy."

Mommas know best, so I did just that.

After my prayer walk, God really laid it on my heart to make this joy jar.

According to Scripture, "the joy of the Lord is our strength" (Nehemiah 8:10) And if I'm going to have the strength to resist the devil as he comes to steal, kill, and destroy, then I'm going to need all of the joy (strength) I can get.

With that in mind, I have decided to add at least one thing I am thankful for to my joy jar every day. On the days I feel defeated and can't seem to find something to be thankful for, I will simply pull one or two (or as many as needed) pieces of paper out of my joy jar and simply reflect on those things.

If you can guard your hearts well enough to not allow Satan to steal your joy, you should have the strength to resist him under all circumstances.

"I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in Him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit." 

Romans 13:10

you don't just learn about your major in college

Ever since I graduated high school people have told me that my college years would be the best four years of my life. (insert major eye rolling here) I don't know about you, but I'm hoping for at least another sixty years and if these are the best four years of my life then I really don't have much to look forward to, do I?

I am halfway through this whole college thing; and let me just say, it hasn't been as wonderful as many people make it out to be. However, the past two years have been extremely eye opening as I have learned so much about myself and about life itself, and I'm sure the next two years will be full of plenty more eye opening experiences as well.

As a junior, I just wanted to share a few of the things that I've learned over the past two years for those of you who are about to start college or even return to college this week or in the next few weeks to come.

1. More often than not, movies and tv shows portray college to be one huge party. I'm not a drinker nor a very good dancer, so that whole party scene doesn't really appeal to me. Most of my Friday nights are spent watching Netflix or occasionally going out to eat with a friend.
During my Freshman year, I felt like I was doing college wrong because I wasn't going out to every party and awkwardly dancing with whoever would have to be intoxicated enough to dance with someone with as horrid dance moves as I have. But let me tell you, even though sometimes it's a little lonely, I would much rather be somewhere where I was comfortable than somewhere where I definitely wouldn't be. It's completely okay to stand firm to your beliefs and morals in college and for the rest of your life. 

2. Staying up all night isn't worth it. EVERY SINGLE TIME I have pulled an all nighter to finish a paper I put off for weeks or to study for a test that I had known about the whole semester, I have gotten extremely sick for the next week or two, putting me even more behind. I know it's so easy to procrastinate in college, and sometimes pulling an all nighter seems like your only option but You need sleep. Do your best to do what it takes to make sure you're getting a healthy amount of sleep each night, especially the days prior to test weeks.

3. Loneliness is normal. If anyone ever tells you that you'll never be lonely in college because it's the only time in your life that you will be surrounded by hundreds (or thousands) of other people your age, they're lying.
You are going to be lonely. I'm not telling you that it's easy, but it is completely normal. So don't beat yourself up over it or think that something is wrong with you because everyone deals with it, whether or not they want to admit it.
I'll be completely real with you guys...The past two years have been the loneliest years of my life. I don't have a family to go home to after classes or to hang out with on the weekend, which is all I ever knew before college. Sure, I have a roommate (who God really blessed me with) and other wonderful friends who I can spend time with, but sometimes my roommate isn't there and sometimes my friends are busy with other things, so from time to time I'm left confined between four walls all by myself at night or on the weekends; and let me tell you, it's hard. But over the past two years God has taught me so much about loneliness that I know will continue to shape me for the rest of my life (which you can read more about here)

4. Discipleship is so important. During my freshman year I was plugged into a discipleship group with two other freshman that was led by a senior on my campus where I learned the importance of sharing Christ's love with others. Then, during my sophomore year I was blessed with the opportunity to lead my own discipleship group through the Baptist Student Union on campus. However, there are plenty of believers on college campuses who aren't plugged into a christian fellowship organization (though I highly recommend it) so sometimes these "step by step" opportunities do not arise for them. But as a believer, you don't need that! You have been called to make disciples by Jesus Christ (Matthew 28:19). 
What a better time to make disciples than during your college years? Just think about it for a second... if you gathered with a group of 3-5 other students and taught them about Christ and then equipped them with the tools and knowledge that they need to go and make disciples themselves, your little discipleship group of about four or so students is going to multiply. Hopefully each member of your discipleship group would go their separate way and form their own discipleship group of about four or so students, so right there we are looking at about sixteen other students who are hearing about Christ and learning about how to make even MORE disciples just from what originated in your dorm room or college library. ISN'T THAT INCREDIBLE? God can and will do wonderful things through you and on your campus if you let Him!


As I previously mentioned, I've learned far more than just these four things over the past two years, and I know that the next two years will also be full of many learning experiences. But for the sake of time and your poor little eyes, who I'm sure are tired of reading, I'm going to cut this post here though I may write further on the topic on a later day :)

If you want to share with me about the things you've learned or are learning since you've been in college or even if you have questions about what to expect as a freshman please contact me through the links provided here because I love hearing from you guys!

Have a blessed day!

discouragement

When God prompted my heart to write about discouragement some time ago, I was left confused because I thought I had done so a few months ago when I wrote about being disappointed (which you can read here). However, over the past few weeks, God has been teaching me the difference between discouragement and disappointment, and I felt a strong leading to share it with you guys.

Disappointments and discouragement seem to plague the lives of nearly everyone at some point in time, some more than others. Whether it is at work, at school, in your relationships, at home, in your finances, or even at church, I am sure you have felt the burden of both discouragement and disappointment more times than you wish to count. I know I have.

Sadly, I believe disappointments to be an inevitable (and frequent) part of life that all of us have faced and will continue to face until we get to Heaven. However, God has been teaching me lately that
though disappointments in life are unavoidable, being discouraged following those disappointments is a CHOICE. 

Not just any choice either... It's a choice that the enemy delights in because discouragement is a huge distraction from the will of God.

If you stare at a line in the sand long enough, it will eventually start to look like the Grand Canyon. The same goes for our discouragement, because within our discouragement is nothing more than a loss of perception.

The more we focus on our disappointments, the bigger and more problematic they become to the point where we no longer see anything else that God has in store for us.

When we are feeling discouraged, it means that we are subconsciously choosing to wallow in our own self-pity and negativism instead of just shaking off the disappointments and moving forward with life into whatever else God has planned.

If you don't get the job you wanted, a loved one lets you down, or something goes wrong financially, do not be discouraged, just take that disappointment and shake it off!  *insert Taylor Swift reference here*

The bottom line is this: we cannot avoid being disappointed, but we can do away with the feelings of discouragement by choosing to do away with our feelings of negativity and self-pity. And when we do so, we can overcome the obstacles in life and seek out the opportunities that God has awaiting us.

"This is my command–be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged! For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." 

Joshua 1:9

"Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you." 

Deuteronomy 31:8