Put Down Your Daisy Chain

I am sorry it has taken me so long to finally put my heart and thoughts into words, but I wrote this a couple of months ago and I finally thought it was time to share.

This is my heart. This is my deepest desire and most desperate of prayers, and it is really neat how God has continually placed people in my life to remind me of this burden He has given me for the lost since I first started praying this back before my summer even truly began. I am praying that this blog post would begin an overflow of this burden into the lives of other fellow believers. We need more people on their knees praying for the lost of this world. We need more people to go. Please, pray with me. I truly mean this. I am pleading with you to please pray with me. Pray now before you even continue reading. 

For the longest time, I was so naive when it came to those who were lost and unsaved. Something about my perception of hell was off, and I wrongly thought that hell was a place for those who deliberately chose to reject Christ. Yes, this is partly true. And wow, is it heartbreaking. However, at the end of the day, I always placed the responsibility on each particular individual. I believe that if we are all honest with ourselves, everyone has felt this way about someone we know who is lost....."Oh, well I know they know the Truth. So it's up to them whether or not they choose to give God their lives." 

^ How heartless and unloving we are when we think like this. 

Anyway... It wasn't until about eight months ago that God opened my eyes and my heart to the whole truth about hell. Hell is, in fact, a place that those who have rejected Him will go. However, hell is also a place that those who have never heard of Him will go. (Insert the flowing of tears and utter heartbreak here). 

That is MY RESPONSIBILITY. That is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. 

John 14:6 clearly states the following, "I am the way the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

Later in the New Testament it is also said, "For everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. But how can they call on Him unless they believe in Him? And how can they believe in Him if they have never heard about Him? And how can they hear about Him unless someone tells them?"  Romans 10:13-14. 

Guys, please don't take this lightly. Please hear my heart cry over this matter. Don't you see that people are without the beautiful love, grace, and forgiveness of our Father simply because we have not told them.... 

"We" is just as much you and I as it is anybody else. This responsibility is not entirely laid on those who have given their lives over to full-time ministry/missions. This is a responsibility of anyone who identifies themselves as a child of the King. 

Where is our sense of urgency to share the Gospel that is spoken of all throughout Scripture? (Romans 13:11, Mark 1:15, 2 Corinthians 6:2, Revelation 1:3, etc) 

Where is our urgency to love our neighbor? A command that is of equal importance to first loving God Himself (Mark 12:28-31).

Let me leave you with these words that are not my own but that have completely changed my entire walk with Christ and my heart for sharing His name. 

"The tom-toms thumped straight on all night and the darkness shuddered round me like a living, feeling thing. I could not go to sleep, so I lay awake and looked; and I saw, as it seemed, this:

That I stood on a grassy sward, and at my feet a precipice broke sheer down into infinite space. I looked, but saw no bottom; only cloud shapes, black and furiously coiled, and great shadow-shrouded hollows, and unfathomable depths. Back I drew, dizzy at the depth.
Then I saw forms of people moving single file along the grass. They were making for the edge. There was a woman with a baby in her arms and another little child holding on to her dress. She was on the very verge. Then I saw that she was blind. She lifted her foot for the next step . . . it trod air. She was over, and the children over with her. Oh, the cry as they went over!
Then I saw more streams of people flowing from all quarters. All were blind, stone blind; all made straight for the precipice edge. There were shrieks, as they suddenly knew themselves falling, and a tossing up of helpless arms, catching, clutching at empty air. But some went over quietly, and fell without a sound.
Then I wondered, with a wonder that was simply agony, why no one stopped them at the edge. I could not. I was glued to the ground, and I could only call; though I strained and tried, only whisper would come.
Then I saw that along the edge there were sentries set at intervals. But the intervals were too great; there were wide, unguarded gaps between. And over these gaps the people fell in their blindness, quite unwarned; and the green grass seemed blood-red to me, and the gulf yawned like the mouth of hell.
Then I saw, like a little picture of peace, a group of people under some trees with their backs turned toward the gulf. They were making daisy chains. Sometimes when a piercing shriek cut the quiet air and reached them, it disturbed them and they thought it a rather vulgar noise. And if one of their number started up and wanted to go and do something to help, then all the others would pull that one down. “Why should you get so excited about it? You must wait for a definite call to go! You haven’t finished your daisy chain yet. It would be really selfish,” they said, “to leave us to finish the work alone.”
There was another group. It was made up of people whose great desire was to get more sentries out; but they found that very few wanted to go, and sometimes there were no sentries set for miles and miles of the edge.
Once a girl stood alone in her place, waving the people back; but her mother and other relations called and reminded her that her furlough was due; she must not break the rules. And being tired and needing a change, she had to go and rest for awhile; but no one was sent to guard her gap, and over and over the people fell, like a waterfall of souls.
Once a child caught at a tuft of grass that grew at the very brink of the gulf; it clung convulsively, and it called-but nobody seemed to hear. Then the roots of the grass gave way, and with a cry the child went over, its two little hands still holding tight to the torn-off bunch of grass. And the girl who longed to be back in her gap thought she heard the little one cry, and she sprang up and wanted to go; at which they reproved her, reminding her that no one is necessary anywhere; the gap would be well taken care of, they knew. And then they sang a hymn.
Then through the hymn came another sound like the pain of a million broken hearts wrung out in one full drop, one sob. And a horror of great darkness was upon me, for I knew what it was-the Cry of the Blood.
Then thundered a voice, the voice of the Lord. “And He said, ‘What hast thou done, The voice of thy brother’s blood crieth unto me from the ground.’”
The tom-toms still beat heavily, the darkness still shuddered and shivered about me; I heard the yells of the devil-dancers and weird, wild shriek of the devil-possessed just outside the gate.
What does it matter, after all? It has gone on for years; it will go on for years. Why make such a fuss about it?
God forgive us! God arouse us! Shame us out of our callousness! Shame us out of our sin!"

- Amy Carmichael 

Would you put down your daisy chain? Will you share the Gospel today?

Wait Expectantly

So here at Mississippi College, if you live on campus, you get a meal plan as a part of the deal. I suppose that's pretty cool until you realize that when your phone autocorrects "caf food" to "cat food" that you no longer bother changing it because it might as well be the same thing.

However, there are a few good things that the caf serves, and one of those things are these cute little triangle hash browns that I seriously LOVE. I would eat those things for breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day of my undergraduate career if I could. (Good thing I can't because I've already gained my freshman, sophomore, and junior fifteens).
But seriously those things are the bomb, yet for some reason they rarely serve them on the days I eat breakfast... and by rarely I mean that I haven't had one of those delicious triangles of goodness all semester.

So why am I telling you this story about hash browns??

Well,  this morning I wake up, 12 days away from summer (PRAISE), and for some reason those hash browns cross my mind. As I began a prayer for the day I flippantly did one of those "oh and PS God" things at the end and basically said "it'd be really cool if I got some of those hash browns before I left for the summer."

Let's be real. I wanted those hash browns, but I wasn't actually being that serious.

So I get out of bed, get ready, and head to class. Never once did I think back on my prayer from just 30 minutes earlier. After class, I head to the caf as a part of my normal routine, and again, I didn't acknowledge my prayer from earlier in the morning. I get in line for food, and there they are... THE TRIANGLE HASH BROWNS WERE THERE RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME.

The fact that my smallest, most trivial of prayers was accounted for just took me back a step. I made it back to my room, and I just sat on my floor so amazed by the goodness and faithfulness of the Father through the finest details of my life. 

As I sat there, I couldn't help but to think of how many other prayers I have prayed (the ones much more serious than of breakfast item) that I have probably just forgotten about because a lot of times I don't wait expectantly for God to answer. 

How many times has He blessed me and been faithful, but my lack of faithfulness on my end of my prayer life inhibited me from seeing His goodness? How many times have I been frustrated with God because "He wasn't answering me," but ultimately I simply wasn't listening.  

I hurry through life so quickly that many times I don't slow down enough to await an answer. Yet time and time again we are told to "be still" and to "sit before the Lord."

"Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in Him." Psalm 62:5

"Return to your God; maintain love and justice, and wait for your God always" Hosea 12:6

"Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for Him to act." Psalm 37:7

"For the Lord is a faithful God. Blessed are those who wait for His help." Isaiah 30:18

The list could continue... 

Join me in the journey of waiting, the journey of being patient, the journey of expecting... not because I told you a silly story about a hash brown but because the Bible teaches us to do so.

Have a conversation with the Lord today, but instead of just carrying on with your day after saying Amen, take a moment (or two or three) and wait for His response as you would with a conversation with anyone else. 

I am learning

Most people go to school to learn about their career, but I've come to the realization that I've been going to school to learn about my calling.

I'm a psychology major, and believe me I learn. I know the various founders of psychology, the fundamentals of no-telling how many theories, I've grasped an understanding of "why people do what they do," and I've learned how to train a fish (weird, I know). I truly look forward to working somewhere in my field following graduation next year, but my calling goes so much further than that.

As many know, I have been called to be a wife and to be a mother. I've known since I was a little girl, and I've reluctantly admitted it to people time and time again just to hear their responses of "you don't need to depend on some man" or "you are too smart to just sit around at home all day."
The tough blows I receive upon telling people the most genuine aspiration I have are enough for me to hang my head shamefully when people ask, "So, what do you want to be when you grow up?"

Anyway, back to college.

I hate being at school. That's no secret because like I said, I simply want to be a wife and a mother. However, that time hasn't come yet. I'm only twenty, and I recognize the fact that good things do, in fact, take time. But just because my call to be a wife and a mother doesn't have a degree I can major in and graduate with does not mean that I am exempt from learning.

God has been teaching me some important lessons over the past three years, and I can only imagine what's to come in the next year.

Through my time at school, I have learned how to follow through with the things that I just don't want to do. Let me reiterate this for you (as if I haven't done so enough before): I hate school. So the fact that I am putting myself through 4 years of an education just because I know this is where God has called me to be, well I think that speaks for itself.
I have learned the importance of obedience through this. I have learned the importance of dedication through this. And I have learned exactly what it means to live out Colossians 3:23, as I have pursued this education and worked diligently and wholeheartedly for my Father and not for myself, my professors, or even my parents.

Through my time at school, I have learned how to pray. Oh boy, have I learned how to pray. More importantly, I have learned that The Lord truly hears my prayers!!! Oh what a comfort and assurance that provides. I am just a mere twenty years old, and I have seen God working in my life in more ways than I will ever be able to write about simply because I talk to Him. He is so faithful to bend down, turn His ear to me, and to hear my prayers (Psalm 116:2). Oh, how deep the Father's love is for me. 
I honestly don't think I would have reached this point in my prayer life had I not been guided to go to school. College has broken me, challenged me, and stretched me time and time again.. And I'm not just talking about the academics. The loneliness, the fears, the outright desperation for someone to just understand, and the numerous other aspects of being in a place that is far from home and from the people that I love has brought me to my knees time and time again. Through the tears, the frustrations, and the overwhelming bouts of it all... He has been there. Something I've always known, but never truly experienced like I have throughout my time in college.

Through my time at school, I have learned to serve. I have been given opportunities to serve those around me, and I have made efforts to seek out my own opportunities as well. I have seen crying girls in the bathroom, who I've learned to go to God in prayer for.  I have watched my roommate struggle through the day absolutely exhausted, who I've learned to just provide a simple act of kindness for like making her bed or folding her laundry. I drive to an apartment complex every Wednesday afternoon just to simply spend time with children who have no idea who Love is. I have written note after note and letter after letter to countless friends who need even just an ounce of encouragement.
I have held doors, done laundry, picked up food, and many other simple acts of service not because of who I am, but because of who God is in me. Service isn't about me. It is not about how much I can do or what I receive from it, but it is solely about the fact that I have been made new in Christ so that I can work according to His purposes that He has planned for my life (Ephesians 2:10).

Okay, so back to my calling.

I am not so naive that I think that being a wife and mother one day will continually be an array of sunshine and butterflies, and I wouldn't be surprised to hear that the wives/mothers reading this were wishing they could just go back to their college days. I have seen the exhausted looks and the tough battles that the women I look up to, including my own mother, endure on a day to day basis. The never-ending loads of laundry that pile high on the couch, the sticky counters covered with dirty dishes that seem to multiply by the minute, and the cries and screams of tiny humans who depend on you for their very existence. What am I getting myself into I wonder? 

I don't know. I am not at that point in my life just yet.
But I am learning. I am learning to get through the day, sometimes minute by minute, when I helplessly feel as if I can't continue any longer. I am learning to pray through the toughest of times and the best of times. I am learning to serve the ones that I love and the ones who drive me absolutely crazy. I am learning. 

Thank you, Lord, for directing my steps to a place where I can learn. 

Rolling Away the Stone

When I read Mark 16, I like to jump forward to verse five because I like reading about how Jesus was RESURRECTED FROM THE DEAD. 

How cool is that?

I think we take it for granted sometimes because we've heard it so many times. But seriously, sit there and think about it.

Jesus was DEAD. Then a few days later HE WAS ALIVE AGAIN.

That blows my mind.

However, that's not what I'm going to write about today. Instead, I'm going to write about the first couple of verses that I so often just skim over.

"When the Sabbath had ended, Mary Magdalene, Salome, and Mary the mother of James went out and purchased burial spices so that they could anoint Jesus' body. Very early on Sunday morning, just at sunrise, they went to the tomb. On the way they were asking each other, 'Who will roll away the stone for us from the entrance to the tomb?' But as they arrived, they looked up and saw that the stone, which was very large, had already been rolled aside." 

Mark 16:1-4

What's the significance of these verses? 

Well, let me tell you, they've hit me like a ton of bricks here lately. 

Read back over those verses. 

"On the way they were asking each other, 'Who will roll away the stone for us from the entrance of the tomb?'" 

I can only imagine the conversations they must have been having as anxiety and fear consumed them on their walk to care for Jesus' dead body. Three women, fully aware of their incapability to roll away the large stone in front of the tomb... of course they're going to worry. 

Does that anxiety sound familiar? 

I know it does for me. It's like clock work in my own life. Every 5-6 months I find myself worrying about how I am going to afford paying for my upcoming semester of school. So quickly I forget the provision that God has continually poured over me during my past three years of school, and I quickly get consumed by the vicious cycle of worrying as I think about my own "large stone" that I am afraid of having to deal with. 

Read back over those verses one more time. 

"But as they arrived, they looked up and saw that the stone, which was very large, had already been rolled aside." 

How amazing is that? 

I mean, we already know the rest of the story and why the stone had already been moved... but just think about how those three women must have felt. 

What a sense of relief they must have experienced! 

They had just spent their whole journey worrying about how they would ever move that stone, but the problem was already solved ahead of time for them. 

God sure does have a good sense of humor, huh? Or is it just that He truly cares for our every need. 

Much like Mary, Salome, and Mary Magdalene, I will find myself worrying over the most trivial (though the seem huge) things in my life. However, when it comes down to it.. I'm only worrying about a problem that has already been accounted for and solved by my Heavenly Father. 

He is so faithful to provide for me to attend school every semester, as He is faithful in every aspect of my life. 

Honestly, I've written this blogpost to myself. It is no secret that I am a worrier. However, I couldn't help but to share the Truths that God has been permeating my life with over the past couple of weeks. I hope and pray that He speaks to your heart as He has been speaking to mine. 

"The Lord will work out His plans for my life—for your faithful love, Oh Lord, endures forever." 

Psalm 138:8

Netflix and Chill

Netflix and chill. 

I'm sure if you're around teenagers/young adults or if you've been on social media over the past couple of months, this phrase isn't new to you.

Sounds relaxing right?

Not for me. I cringe every time I see or hear the words "Netflix and chill."

Let me clarify: I LOVE NETFLIX, and I really love kicking off my shoes and relaxing too.
But unfortunately, society has twisted this phrase into something that throws dating out of the window while instead encouraging couples to lay around in bed and indulge in the physical aspects of a relationship instead of truly spending quality time together.

When I look at my own relationship, I cannot imagine over a year of dating Mitchell where all we ever did was "Netflix and chill." Quite frankly, I don't see how one could even call "Netflix and chill" dating when the TV is the one doing all of the talking. And if I were to be completely honest, if my boyfriend was to try to cross physical boundaries with me while we were on that so-called date then he would have hit the curb before the movie was even over.

I don't mean this post to discourage watching a movie every now and then with your boyfriend or girlfriend, but I do hope it helps you to realize what dating is not because dating is so much more than lying around behind closed doors with your girlfriend or boyfriend.

Dating is a time where you are suppose to talk with and get to know your significant other.
Dating is a time where you are suppose to respect the heart, emotions, and body of the one you are with.
Dating is a time to go do things you might not have time or money for after marriage and especially after kids.
Dating is a time to make memories; memories that will last a lifetime.

Here's a glimpse of some of my favorite dates with Mitchell

Blueberry Picking

The Safari Park 

A visit to his work

Road trip to a baby canyon 

Ice Skating

Watched the sunset

Climbed a fire tower

Chased "waterfalls" 

I share all of this to say that actually dating is still in existence if you make the choice to GO, and it doesn't always have to be something formal or expensive!

Don't settle, and surely don't let "Netflix and chill" be the only stories you have to share with your grandchildren one day.

70 X 7

Everyday for the past couple of weeks, I have woken up hurt by the pain someone else has caused me.

In turn, everyday for the past couple of weeks, I have gotten extremely frustrated with what I have considered "my inability to forgive as Christ has forgiven me."

If you took a look at my grades, it'd be no secret that I'm pretty bad at math.

I've never really liked math, and it's always been something that I've struggled with, especially when it comes to this one particular math problem.

70 x 7 
It gets me every time.

If you don't know what I'm referring to, take a look at these two verses.

"Then Peter came to him and asked, 'Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?' 'No, not seven times,' Jesus replied, 'But seventy times seven.'" 

Matthew 18:21-22

As I first read this verse following my frustrations with forgiveness, I got really annoyed with God. "Seriously, Lord? You expect me to forgive _____  for their countless sins against me... How am I suppose to do that when I can't even forgive them for this one act?"

As I have tried, tried, and tried again to forgive this person, each day something would remind me of the pain that they caused me, which ultimately led to feelings of resentment and hurt all over again. "Great. I thought I forgave them already, Lord, but here I am experiencing this all over again. I'll never be able to truly forgive."

Not too long ago, as I struggled yet again with my "inability to forgive" I had a revelation. 

Maybe God isn't just telling me that when ____ sins seventy times seven times, I must forgive them for each account. Maybe God is also telling me that I need to forgive this one sin against me seventy times seven times. 

As I processed that thought, I began to realize that forgiveness is a choice that, more often than not, has to be made more than once. And for me, the choice to forgive has to be made daily, at least for now.

To close, I wanted to share with you a prayer that I often find myself having to pray when I have to make the choice to forgive yet again:

____________________________________________________

Father, 

I am coming to you right now as I recognize my need for you to help me forgive _____.  I know that in my weakness, I cannot forgive _____, so I am asking you to please display your strength through me. I am bringing you my feelings of bitterness, pain, and sadness, as I recognize that these feelings are hindering me from loving others and experiencing your joy. By faith in you, I am coming to you right now to ask for the strength and the grace to forgive _____ as you have forgiven me. Please heal my heart as I no longer want to be held captive by pain, bitterness, and unforgiveness any longer. Renew in my spirit a fresh understanding of your grace and your love so that I can mirror that in the lives of others. Help me to act on my faith rather than my feelings, as I continue through this journey of forgiveness. Lord, thank you for forgiving me, thank you for setting me free, and thank you for displaying your power through me as I am making the choice to forgive today. I love you, Lord. 

Amen. 

My Joy Jar

Today, I made this joy jar. 

"What is this joy jar about?" you may ask.

Well in this joy jar I have begun to write a few things on slips of paper that I am thankful for and that bring me joy. I wrote the names of my loved ones. I wrote a few of my favorite things like sunflowers, sunsets, and giraffes. I wrote about my prayer time, my bible readings, and my Savior. Each of these things I wrote, folded up, and put into this jar.

So why did I do this?

Well today, I texted my mom in tears. I was really really unhappy with my circumstances, and I felt the need to complain to someone... her response was a quick "take a prayer walk and reflect on all of the things that you're thankful for. Don't let Satan rob you of your joy."

Mommas know best, so I did just that.

After my prayer walk, God really laid it on my heart to make this joy jar.

According to Scripture, "the joy of the Lord is our strength" (Nehemiah 8:10) And if I'm going to have the strength to resist the devil as he comes to steal, kill, and destroy, then I'm going to need all of the joy (strength) I can get.

With that in mind, I have decided to add at least one thing I am thankful for to my joy jar every day. On the days I feel defeated and can't seem to find something to be thankful for, I will simply pull one or two (or as many as needed) pieces of paper out of my joy jar and simply reflect on those things.

If you can guard your hearts well enough to not allow Satan to steal your joy, you should have the strength to resist him under all circumstances.

"I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in Him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit." 

Romans 13:10