I'm not usually quick to recover from these seasons of loneliness either, so I often beat myself up over it for quite some time.
"If only you were more outgoing..."
"Why can't you keep the interest of your friends?"
"No one likes you because ______."
"You just need to get over your fears and meet new people."
... and so on and so forth, ultimately leading into a constant state of "I'm just not good enough." (Which I've come to realize are all LIES that the enemy tries to convince me of)
I've opened up to people about my loneliness before and the response is always the same, "But you know so many people???"
They're right. I know a lot of people, but the truth is, I don't feel known by hardly anyone. I often feel out of place and unwanted in nearly every place I go. In fact, I'm often the loneliest when I'm in a big group of people.
I will spend my days and nights praying for a friend, and God often immediately answers my heartaches by providing me someone to connect with during that season of loneliness. However, as time passes and life goes on, most of these friendships end up dwindling away; then naturally, the feelings of inadequacy would rise again in my life. "Why does everyone always walk away from me? Why am I not good enough?"
Don't get me wrong, I have a few really great friends that have managed to stick around with me for quite some time, and my mom is always super cool. (Hey mom ;) I know you're reading this) I love and value these relationships because I know they are simply a mere reflection of the vast amount of love Christ has for me. But sometimes these seasons of loneliness just creep up in my life and try to get the best of me.
On one hand I am so unworthy of the love of others, but on the other, I am loved and worthy of that love because Christ has declared me His daughter. It's taking time, but I am learning that my identity is not found in those who stay or walk away. My identity is found in Christ alone.
If you are feeling lonely today, I encourage you to express those feelings of loneliness to Jesus right now. He understands because He experienced the ultimate abandonment on the cross in order to express His love for YOU.
Invite His love to permeate every piece of your weary heart because He does understand, and He does want to comfort you. Then ask Him to take your ugly loneliness and turn it into something beautiful, something that is honoring to Him. Offer your loneliness to Him as an act of worship, fully depending on Him to satisfy your heart.
He is a father to the fatherless, a friend to the friendless, and our ultimate source of love and hope.
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