I'm a psychology major, and believe me I learn. I know the various founders of psychology, the fundamentals of no-telling how many theories, I've grasped an understanding of "why people do what they do," and I've learned how to train a fish (weird, I know). I truly look forward to working somewhere in my field following graduation next year, but my calling goes so much further than that.
As many know, I have been called to be a wife and to be a mother. I've known since I was a little girl, and I've reluctantly admitted it to people time and time again just to hear their responses of "you don't need to depend on some man" or "you are too smart to just sit around at home all day."
The tough blows I receive upon telling people the most genuine aspiration I have are enough for me to hang my head shamefully when people ask, "So, what do you want to be when you grow up?"
Anyway, back to college.
I hate being at school. That's no secret because like I said, I simply want to be a wife and a mother. However, that time hasn't come yet. I'm only twenty, and I recognize the fact that good things do, in fact, take time. But just because my call to be a wife and a mother doesn't have a degree I can major in and graduate with does not mean that I am exempt from learning.
God has been teaching me some important lessons over the past three years, and I can only imagine what's to come in the next year.
Through my time at school, I have learned how to follow through with the things that I just don't want to do. Let me reiterate this for you (as if I haven't done so enough before): I hate school. So the fact that I am putting myself through 4 years of an education just because I know this is where God has called me to be, well I think that speaks for itself.
I have learned the importance of obedience through this. I have learned the importance of dedication through this. And I have learned exactly what it means to live out Colossians 3:23, as I have pursued this education and worked diligently and wholeheartedly for my Father and not for myself, my professors, or even my parents.
Through my time at school, I have learned how to pray. Oh boy, have I learned how to pray. More importantly, I have learned that The Lord truly hears my prayers!!! Oh what a comfort and assurance that provides. I am just a mere twenty years old, and I have seen God working in my life in more ways than I will ever be able to write about simply because I talk to Him. He is so faithful to bend down, turn His ear to me, and to hear my prayers (Psalm 116:2). Oh, how deep the Father's love is for me.
I honestly don't think I would have reached this point in my prayer life had I not been guided to go to school. College has broken me, challenged me, and stretched me time and time again.. And I'm not just talking about the academics. The loneliness, the fears, the outright desperation for someone to just understand, and the numerous other aspects of being in a place that is far from home and from the people that I love has brought me to my knees time and time again. Through the tears, the frustrations, and the overwhelming bouts of it all... He has been there. Something I've always known, but never truly experienced like I have throughout my time in college.
Through my time at school, I have learned to serve. I have been given opportunities to serve those around me, and I have made efforts to seek out my own opportunities as well. I have seen crying girls in the bathroom, who I've learned to go to God in prayer for. I have watched my roommate struggle through the day absolutely exhausted, who I've learned to just provide a simple act of kindness for like making her bed or folding her laundry. I drive to an apartment complex every Wednesday afternoon just to simply spend time with children who have no idea who Love is. I have written note after note and letter after letter to countless friends who need even just an ounce of encouragement.
I have held doors, done laundry, picked up food, and many other simple acts of service not because of who I am, but because of who God is in me. Service isn't about me. It is not about how much I can do or what I receive from it, but it is solely about the fact that I have been made new in Christ so that I can work according to His purposes that He has planned for my life (Ephesians 2:10).
Okay, so back to my calling.
I am not so naive that I think that being a wife and mother one day will continually be an array of sunshine and butterflies, and I wouldn't be surprised to hear that the wives/mothers reading this were wishing they could just go back to their college days. I have seen the exhausted looks and the tough battles that the women I look up to, including my own mother, endure on a day to day basis. The never-ending loads of laundry that pile high on the couch, the sticky counters covered with dirty dishes that seem to multiply by the minute, and the cries and screams of tiny humans who depend on you for their very existence. What am I getting myself into I wonder?
I don't know. I am not at that point in my life just yet.
But I am learning. I am learning to get through the day, sometimes minute by minute, when I helplessly feel as if I can't continue any longer. I am learning to pray through the toughest of times and the best of times. I am learning to serve the ones that I love and the ones who drive me absolutely crazy. I am learning.
Thank you, Lord, for directing my steps to a place where I can learn.
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