Obedience to God: A Personal Testimony

Today I wanted to share a little bit about my personal testimony. It's not an easy post to write, but someone mentioned it awhile back and it's been on my heart to write about since...

Towards the end of my seventh grade school year my mom came to me and told me that God had told her to homeschool me. I remember being frustrated and upset because I loved being at school with all of my friends. I didn't have problems with grades, and I wasn't having problems in my social life either. I honestly thought my mom was crazy; "I don't need to be homeschooled." I remember thinking over and over. The thought of my mom homeschooling me throughout the eighth grade and possibly high school was repulsive to me; I had no interest in it whatsoever.

My mom knew how upset I was with the idea, and she herself was just as confused of why God told her to homeschool me as I was. She told me to pray that God would change her heart if I felt like I really wasn't suppose to be homeschooled. So of course, I prayed. I prayed hard. But after countless nights of praying and not seeing any change of heart, I was left with a choice. I had a choice to be obedient to God's will for my life or to just do what I wanted to do. In the end I did choose to be obedient to what He had told my mom, but I wasn't happy about it at all. 

By Christmas time, my mom and I were still in shock of why God had told her to homeschool me. I hated being away from my friends and having to do all of my work at the kitchen table. Things just didn't add up; I was miserable. I remember thinking I had made a mistake to follow through with being homeschooled, and I remember questioning God and thinking He made a mistake in my life. Little did I know, God was blessing me every single day of that year. 

My parents were divorced, so I only saw my dad every other weekend before I was homeschooled. However when I started homeschooling, my schedule was flexible, and I was able to spend weeks at a time with my dad. I just took my schoolwork to his house, worked on it each day, and spent the rest of the time with him. I loved spending more time with my dad. It was one of the best parts about being homeschooled. I didn't have to go to bed early for school, so we would stay up late at night playing playstation and just making some of the best memories I have. 

Towards the end of the school year my mom gave me a choice to continue homeschooling or to attend SBEC (a private Christian school.) Of course, I jumped on the opportunity to go back to a real school again. It wasn't exactly what I wanted to do, but I knew I would like it better than homeschooling again. 

At the end of May I was at my dad's house again spending more time with him than I would have normally. Thankful that my homeschooling period was over, I still had no idea why God told my mom to homeschool me throughout eighth grade. The year was over. I felt like I had wasted an entire year I could have spent with my friends, and then on top of that I wasn't even given the choice to go back to my old school again. I had to go to some private school (Even though I knew it was better than being homeschooled again, I still wanted to be back with my old friends.) Things just never added up for me; not until May 30, that is. 

On May 30, 2009, my life was forever changed. I woke up that morning to find my dad struggling for his life on the floor. I didn't realize that that would be the last time I would ever see him again, but I still sat there on the floor and held his hand and told him how much I loved him even though he couldn't respond. When the ambulance finally arrived they told my stepmom and me to just meet them at the hospital. I was upset because I was scared from what I just saw, but I expected everything to be okay once they got him to the hospital. We waited and waited for the ambulance to arrive, and we were told to wait in the waiting room before we could go back to see him. Still just shook up from what had just happened, I didn't expect anything more than a day or two spent in the hospital. However, when the doctor came into the waiting room, I wasn't told that I could go see him; I was given the most devastating news of my life. I was told that my dad had died. The man who hung the moon for me, the man I could always count on, the man to whom I compared all others to, was gone from me in an instant. My life shattered before my eyes in a single morning. I was left fatherless, heartbroken, and devastated in less than an hour. 

People from SBEC (that I didn't even know at the time) came to support me at my dad's funeral service that following week. It meant more to me than I will ever be able to express. The support system I was so quickly given from a school that hardly knew who I was was a blessing to me in so many ways. I never would have had that if it weren't for me choosing to be obedient to God's will for my life. I not only was given those people in my life to encourage and support me through the most difficult period of my life, but God gave me so much time to spend with my dad before his death by being homeschooled. Looking back, being obedient to God's will in spite of what I thought I wanted and what I thought was right was the best choice I have ever made. It doesn't make my dad's death any easier on me, but it proved to me that God is truly in control of my life. He knew that my dad was going to die that year, and He gave me a choice to follow what He told me to do or to ignore Him. Thankfully, I chose to honor His will, and He blessed me with those precious moments I got to spend with my dad for an entire year. 

Now, not only do I realize the importance of being obedient to God or His power and control over my life, but I realize so much more about Him. I knew Christ before my dad's death, but afterwards I became to know Him on a much deeper, personal level. Over the past four years I have realized that God is The One who hung the moon for me, He's The One I can always count on, and He is my standard that I will compare all others to. He has never let go of my hand the past four years, even when I tried so hard to let go of His because I was so upset. 

The hole left in my heart after my dad's death has been filled by Christ. It doesn't mean that I don't still get upset or I have my life all put together. I still get upset often, even after four years, and I surely don't have my life all put together... But I do have a peace looking back at God's perfect timing and His control over my life. Since the realization of that control over my life, I have yet to doubt another one of His callings for me. Things aren't always easy; things are often very hard when I don't understand all that He is doing, but I always find peace remembering that He has my life in the palm of His hand and He's not going to let me down if I follow His voice. 

"Serve only The Lord your God and fear Him alone. Obey His commands, listen to His voice, and cling to Him." Deuteronomy 13:4

Are You Beautiful?

Okay, I'm not going to lie... This blog post is actually a copy of a paper that I am going to be turning in to my English Professor for an upcoming assignment, but I think it's something that needs to be heard! So enjoy :) 

The word "beauty" is one of the most overly used, misunderstood, and poorly defined words in today’s vocabulary. Too often do people take the word “beauty” out of context and twist it into something it is not. While some beautiful things are indeed pleasing to the eye, not all beautiful things have a breathtaking appearance to consider it “beautiful.” For instance, a baby’s laughter is considered beautiful, yet it has no appearance to give it that beauty. 

So why is it that society has convinced women that to be beautiful they must catch the attention of every male they pass and contain no flaw in their appearances? The standards of beauty are so unrealistic that women constantly find flaws within themselves; cracks on their mirror, something that makes them feel unbeautiful. On the other hand, many Christians try to convince women that the outward appearance is of no value and that a woman’s inner self alone is what makes her beautiful. A woman must find a balance between the two opposite views to define her beauty, but where does that definition lie between the two parameters? When women define beauty in its proper meaning they are able to finally face society in their own bodies with confidence and consider themselves beautiful.

Are your lips full? Does your forehead rise high above your broad face? Do you have a narrow jawline and small chin? Is your complexion clear and smooth? Do your brows arch? Are your teeth pearly white? Can you fit in clothes under a size four? Are your legs long and lean? If you were able to answer yes to the previous questions, consider yourself beautiful; “beautiful,” according to the latest edition of People’s magazine and today’s society that is. Today’s society portrays the “ideal female” all throughout the media, leaving women in our society trying to meet artificial and unrealistic standards of beauty. Not every woman can squeeze into a size two, strut her long legs across the runway, and dazzle everyone with her smile, but does that make her any less beautiful? No, it does not; we were blessed with a beautiful Creator who ensures us of our beauty, each day, regardless of our physical appearance.

When women understand that their Creator was first beautiful, and that in turn all things because of Him are also beautiful, they realize their beauty as well. Christ was, is, and forever will be the standard for beauty regardless of society’s changing views throughout time. Each woman was made in the image of Christ, and to deny that she is beautiful would be to deny His beauty. The realization of the fact that a woman is already beautiful simply because her Creator is beautiful is what gives a woman confidence to face society in her own body. It does not matter what her body type, skin color, or hair length is; she knows she is beautiful because of her Heavenly Father.

However, a woman’s physical appearance does not solely define her beauty. A woman’s beauty is also defined by her inner self. When a woman has a positive outlook on life, has a gentle and quiet spirit, and is ultimately a genuine woman of The Lord, she also contains great beauty. When it comes down to it, inner beauty is simply a reflection of Christ in the lives of women, and each day as they strive to look more like Him that beauty is made public. Society may not find those attributes to be beautiful according to their terms, but Christ and His followers do.

Too often women neglect their inner beauty when they focus solely on their outer beauty or even vice versa. Though inner and outer beauties are opposites, they need to meet in perfect harmony to help define a woman’s true beauty. A woman should not neglect her physical appearance to focus completely on her relationship with Christ, while at the same time a woman should not neglect her inner beauty to spend more time in front of the mirror. A balance must be found to create a true definition of beauty.

Women must grow in Christ on a daily basis, and maintain a healthy relationship with Him. By walking daily with The Lord, a woman’s inner self is transformed, made clean, and ultimately made beautiful. Her spirit is made gentle, patient, and joyful, and the reflection of Christ in her life shines with an adorning beauty. Women must also maintain their physical appearance. That is not to say a woman must spend hours on end in front of the mirror or in the gym to meet society’s expectations, but she should make herself presentable to the public, which makes her beautiful. When women are able to find that balance in their lives of both inner and outer beauty, they ultimately define beauty in its true meaning.

In the end, all women are considered beautiful.  Beauty cannot be given a concrete definition for all women because it shifts between each individual. The beauty of a woman is ultimately defined by her best possible self, both inwardly and outwardly. 

Women vs. Women

Why is it that as girls we desire to tear other girls down? Let's face it, when's the last time a new girl came around and you didn't size her up?

"Her hair is longer than mine."
"Is she funnier than me?"
"Are the guys going to like her more than they like me?"
"Her smile is prettier than mine."
"Her parents make more than mine." etc, etc.

It's almost a natural habit we have acquired as women of today's society. That new girl no longer becomes an option for a friend, but instead another target of competition, and that's just not right. We tell women who are overweight to put the fork down while we tell skinny women to pick it up. We tell the quiet girls to speak up while we yell for the loud girls to shut their mouths. It's not even fair game when it comes to our standards we set for other women. So, if we know how awful it is to be treated horribly like that, why do we continue to treat others in the same way, just adding to the never-ending cycle of tearing one another down? It baffles me. Girls baffle me. I baffle me (as silly as that sounds).

Whether it's in the form of gossip, subtweeting, verbal or physical bullying, comments on social media, racism, etc. we all partake in the never-ending cycle, but why?

I'd say it has to do with the little green eyed monster that lives in the hearts of women; Jealousy, I believe is what they call him. But why are women so jealous of one another? Personally, I think it's because these jealous women lack the ability to see their own self worth. I suffered from my inability to see my own worth multiple times before I met Christ, but why should I have allowed my inability to see my worth as a person hurt another girl? That was ridiculous for me to do that, and it's ridiculous that that's what society has taught us to do: elevate yourself by bringing someone else down, whether it's publicly or simply in your own thoughts. I mean society just blatantly tells us that the woman vs. woman fighting is okay. Just look at The Bachelor, where 25 women fight for one guy who is willing to do whatever, whenever, with almost whoever. Each of the 25 girls are willing to tear each other apart in order to gain the attention of some guy they've never even met before the show. Don't you see the wrong in that?

I mean we hear the "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" phrase all the time, but clearly it's not taken to heart. However, I challenge you to make an effort to only let uplifting words come your mouth for at least one week especially if they are about another woman. I'm not challenging you to be fake to one another, but instead to gain respect for each other. You never know the battles another girl may be facing that day, and you don't want to be the one who breaks her.

We all have the same value in the eyes of our Heavenly Father, and He's our standard. Our standard isn't defined by what society tells us or by another woman, so stop with the hatred towards one another, and find your worth in His eyes. You can be the one to stop the cycle.