My Candy Crush Addiction

Someone once told me something along the lines of "When you can't sleep, don't count sheep; talk to the Shepherd." Okay, I probably butchered that quote, but you get the idea, right?

Well, I've gotten into a slump of not being able to sleep at night. Normally, you would be lucky to see me past nine, yet here I am writing another midnight blog post. That's all beside the point though. My point is that through these sleepless nights, I haven't been talking to my Shepherd. To be honest, I haven't even been counting sheep... I've been playing Candy Crush. (Embarrassing, I know)

As embarrassed as I am, I have a feeling that a couple of you can relate to my Candy Crush addiction. Now let's just see if you can relate to the frustrations that come with my addiction... I have been stuck on a stinking level for who knows how long. It's so frustrating. Seriously, nothing is more annoying than running out of moves when you are seriously only two more moves away from winning, but back to the point... I have failed on level 103 at least fifty times. You think I'm kidding, but I'm not. 

Well tonight I decided I would take a break from Candy Crush and instead talk to my Shepherd.

In the middle of my praying two things happened... 

1. I decided that I would never again play Candy Crush when I can't sleep because praying for longer than usual is seriously is way better. If you don't believe me, just try it!

2. I realized that Candy Crush actually taught me a lesson. Well, it didn't really "teach" me a lesson, but it reminded me of one. 

I'm sure you're thinking I have lost it for thinking about Candy Crush during my prayer time, but bear with me. So you know how I told you that I have failed at level 103 around fifty times, and I told you how frustrated it makes me? Well the thing is, each time I fail I can push play again and a new board is made available for me to play on. All of my failures are wiped away, and they have no effect on my new game. It's pretty similar to the way God handles all of my failures. (The ones a lot bigger than my inability to match candies together.) When I confess my sins to God, I am made clean again. My "board" is made new. I do not have to dwell on my failures because my sins have been washed away by the precious blood of Christ. He forgives me, and He washes me clean as snow.

Struggling with Sin

Over the past few years I have had numerous believers come to me and tell me the sins that they are struggling with in hopes of seeking advice and/or prayer. In fact, I have even gone to other believers seeking prayer and counsel on the sins I struggle with. We tell each other our struggles with sin because that's what we are suppose to do, right?

The thing is.. I think some of us overuse the word "struggle" way too much. If you look up the word struggle in the dictionary it says "to make forceful or violent efforts to get free of restraint or constriction." Okay, well sin is definitely a restraint and constriction on our lives, but are we really struggling from it? Are we actually making a forceful or violent effort to become free of our sins, or are we merely claiming that we are struggling and continuing to live in our own sinful habits?

After telling others, "Hey, I'm really struggling with _______." we feel relief because we think we have justified living in our sin because others know that we are "struggling" with it. If someone catches us in our sin after admitting our struggles we think it's okay because we can then say "well I told you it was something I'm struggling with." 

Start thinking about your so-called "struggles" and really evaluate your life. Are you honestly struggling with your sins, or are you really wanting to be made clean, just not yet. Are you wanting to be made good, just not entirely. I'm sure no one would honestly pray, "Lord make my heart clean, but wait until after I commit this sin again." That's just absurd, but we definitely live our lives that way a lot of the time.

I guess in a sense this post is mostly just an eyeopener, however I also want to challenge you to really start dealing with your sins. Seriously, if you're going to call your sin a struggle, then start making every effort to stop committing it. If that means to walk away from your best friends when they are gossiping, then do it! If it means to have your computer taken from your room, then do it! The choice to stop sinning is yours. You have the power of Christ in you to help you resist temptations and make whatever changes in your life that you need to make. So, take advantage of that, and live in the light of The Lord. Remember, you are not alone. 

I want you to know that I am praying for those of you reading this. I honestly am. I am praying that you find your strength in Christ to fight against your sins, and I am praying that you will not be discouraged by your sins and instead continue fighting against them. I know sin can hold a strong grip on your life at times, but your God is stronger. 

It's that time of the year

It's that time of the year again, and no I'm not talking about the Christmas season. It's time for the Victoria Secret Fashion Show.

What is the purpose of the Victoria Secret Fashion Show, anyway? I'm sure many would argue it is for marketing purposes, but let's just be honest... are you really interested in purchasing that 10 million dollar bra? And even if the sole purpose of the show is for marketing reasons, is that the honest reason you will be watching tonight? I honestly can't tell you what the purpose is, but I think you should at least think about what you are getting yourself into before indulging yourself into a big pile of self pity because that's normally what you'll end up in.

Today I have read countless tweets and posts on Facebook about the excitement for tonight's fashion show, but the sad thing is... in a few hours the mood is going to completely shift. It happens every year. Girls begin posting negative things about themselves on social media, and they diminish their own self worth for the entire world to see, all the while talking about how "sexy" the VS angels are. No telling the numerous negative thoughts about their own worth that they keep to themselves. Honestly, some of the posts that I read genuinely concern me. I will say some of the posts are just lighthearted comments and over dramatized jokes trying to get attention; however, it really does break my heart because with the new year just around the corner, I know that many girls are secretly making resolutions to become just like these models. The sad part is, I know that these girls will go to any lengths to achieve their goals.

Just search Twitter if you don't believe me.. That's what I did.

"Currently feeling suicidal because I'm not a Victoria Secret model"
"Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels #VSfashionshow"
"Wishing I ate less and threw up more"
"RIP self esteem"
"Skipping all of my meals today in honor of the VS fashion show"

You get the idea, right?

I'm not sitting here trying to condemn Victoria Secret or even the girls who choose to watch the fashion show tonight. I just want to share my heart on the matter...

I use to struggle with comparison a lot. Whether it was someone I personally knew or a celebrity, I would find myself comparing my looks, circumstances, and my life to theirs. It became an unhealthy "habit" I formed which ultimately just resulted in a bunch of jealousy and unsatisfaction with myself. We all deal with comparison at some point in our lives (some more than others), and if you say you've never compared yourself to anyone else before, you're lying.

I guess in a sense that's why my heart hurts so deeply for the girls who compare themselves to these models, because I've been there. I have sat in self pity night after night because of comparison before. I know the damage it can do to ones self. I know the pain it can cause, and I know how much it takes to walk confidently again. However, I also now know that there is a way out of it, and that is through Christ. I have come to the realization that I am more than the sum of my appearance, my mistakes, or my circumstances. I am more because I am a daughter of The King.  I am more because I was created in the image of God. I am more because I was bought with the precious blood of Christ, and let me tell you; YOU are more too!

Tonight, I just ask that if you choose to watch the Victoria Secret Fashion Show, don't sit there and compare yourself to the models. Don't allow your self esteem and self worth to be destroyed by a fashion show on TV. Don't make resolutions to be someone your not. Simply be yourself and the person God created you to be. And for those who are not watching tonight, I ask that you please pray with me for the girls who are hurting because of their distorted views of themselves. Pray that they will soon find peace in knowing that they are worthy and beautiful because they are daughters of The King.

Carrying Burdens

A psychologist walked around a room while teaching stress management to an audience. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they'd be asked the "half empty or half full" question. Instead, with a smile on her face, she inquired: "How heavy is this glass of water?"

Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.

She replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn't change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes." She continued, "The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed – incapable of doing anything."

It’s important to remember to let go of your stresses. As early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. Don't carry them through the evening and into the night. 

Remember to put the glass down!

I read this the other day on Facebook, and I began to think about all of the stresses and burdens I carry around each day, all the things that weigh me down and drain me of my joy. Mental burdens, emotional burdens, physical burdens, and even spiritual burdens filled my mind. The more I thought of them, the heavier they seemed to be laid on my shoulders. I was overwhelmed by the list of burdens that I had allowed to stay in my life within the first few minutes of thinking.

• anxiety
• rejection
• heartbreak 
• death of loved ones
• sin
• jealousy
• fear

The list could go on, but those are just a few of the most prominent burdens in my life. I have held on to them unknowingly, pushed them to the side in denial, watched them grow bigger as time passed, and ultimately noticed them weighing my life down and stealing my joy. Upon the recognition of the numerous burdens I had been holding on to, I was reminded in Psalms that those burdens do not have any power over me when I lay them at the cross. God is going to sustain me. He is going to take care of me and not let me fall. However, I had one condition; I had to give my burdens to The Lord. 

I don't know about you, but I struggle with that. I have a hard time "casting my burdens" onto Christ. I hate knowing that I've failed Him by letting so many burdens creep into my life, and I feel ashamed to ask "Can you take these from me?" The way I feel when I have to ask Christ to take my burdens is almost as bad as how I feel just carrying them on my own.

 Well today, I had a realization as I read Matthew 11:28-30.

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”

I realized that after I acknowledge my burdens and notice what they are doing to me, I'm not suppose to just say, "Hey God, can you take these off my back now?" I'm not suppose to just dump them on Him through a prayer and go on with my life. That's honestly what I had always thought; it made me feel so guilty, so I just kept letting them pile high in my life. But as I read those verses in Matthew I paid special attention to verse 29 and 30, "Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light." 

God doesn't want us cast our burdens on Him and walk away. He wants us to acknowledge our need for Him and then learn from Him. He wants to put His yoke upon us and carry our burdens with us, and in order to do that we must stay in-step with Him. We don't just walk beside Him so we can have the burden removed; we walk beside Him to learn from Him and to give our WHOLE selves to Him (not just the burdens we carry). By walking alongside Christ our burdens are eventually lifted; and when more burdens come our way, we have the power to handle them appropriately. 

The dependence on Christ that we develop by walking in sync with Him and trusting Him to carry our burdens along our sides is beautiful. His strength and glory is made perfect through our weaknesses and dependency on Him. We were not created to be independent. We were created to depend on Him and to glorify Him through that dependency. So it's safe to say that means to depend on God is to honor Him, and to live independently of Him would be to dishonor Him. 

I want to honor God, don't you?  

Obedience to God: A Personal Testimony

Today I wanted to share a little bit about my personal testimony. It's not an easy post to write, but someone mentioned it awhile back and it's been on my heart to write about since...

Towards the end of my seventh grade school year my mom came to me and told me that God had told her to homeschool me. I remember being frustrated and upset because I loved being at school with all of my friends. I didn't have problems with grades, and I wasn't having problems in my social life either. I honestly thought my mom was crazy; "I don't need to be homeschooled." I remember thinking over and over. The thought of my mom homeschooling me throughout the eighth grade and possibly high school was repulsive to me; I had no interest in it whatsoever.

My mom knew how upset I was with the idea, and she herself was just as confused of why God told her to homeschool me as I was. She told me to pray that God would change her heart if I felt like I really wasn't suppose to be homeschooled. So of course, I prayed. I prayed hard. But after countless nights of praying and not seeing any change of heart, I was left with a choice. I had a choice to be obedient to God's will for my life or to just do what I wanted to do. In the end I did choose to be obedient to what He had told my mom, but I wasn't happy about it at all. 

By Christmas time, my mom and I were still in shock of why God had told her to homeschool me. I hated being away from my friends and having to do all of my work at the kitchen table. Things just didn't add up; I was miserable. I remember thinking I had made a mistake to follow through with being homeschooled, and I remember questioning God and thinking He made a mistake in my life. Little did I know, God was blessing me every single day of that year. 

My parents were divorced, so I only saw my dad every other weekend before I was homeschooled. However when I started homeschooling, my schedule was flexible, and I was able to spend weeks at a time with my dad. I just took my schoolwork to his house, worked on it each day, and spent the rest of the time with him. I loved spending more time with my dad. It was one of the best parts about being homeschooled. I didn't have to go to bed early for school, so we would stay up late at night playing playstation and just making some of the best memories I have. 

Towards the end of the school year my mom gave me a choice to continue homeschooling or to attend SBEC (a private Christian school.) Of course, I jumped on the opportunity to go back to a real school again. It wasn't exactly what I wanted to do, but I knew I would like it better than homeschooling again. 

At the end of May I was at my dad's house again spending more time with him than I would have normally. Thankful that my homeschooling period was over, I still had no idea why God told my mom to homeschool me throughout eighth grade. The year was over. I felt like I had wasted an entire year I could have spent with my friends, and then on top of that I wasn't even given the choice to go back to my old school again. I had to go to some private school (Even though I knew it was better than being homeschooled again, I still wanted to be back with my old friends.) Things just never added up for me; not until May 30, that is. 

On May 30, 2009, my life was forever changed. I woke up that morning to find my dad struggling for his life on the floor. I didn't realize that that would be the last time I would ever see him again, but I still sat there on the floor and held his hand and told him how much I loved him even though he couldn't respond. When the ambulance finally arrived they told my stepmom and me to just meet them at the hospital. I was upset because I was scared from what I just saw, but I expected everything to be okay once they got him to the hospital. We waited and waited for the ambulance to arrive, and we were told to wait in the waiting room before we could go back to see him. Still just shook up from what had just happened, I didn't expect anything more than a day or two spent in the hospital. However, when the doctor came into the waiting room, I wasn't told that I could go see him; I was given the most devastating news of my life. I was told that my dad had died. The man who hung the moon for me, the man I could always count on, the man to whom I compared all others to, was gone from me in an instant. My life shattered before my eyes in a single morning. I was left fatherless, heartbroken, and devastated in less than an hour. 

People from SBEC (that I didn't even know at the time) came to support me at my dad's funeral service that following week. It meant more to me than I will ever be able to express. The support system I was so quickly given from a school that hardly knew who I was was a blessing to me in so many ways. I never would have had that if it weren't for me choosing to be obedient to God's will for my life. I not only was given those people in my life to encourage and support me through the most difficult period of my life, but God gave me so much time to spend with my dad before his death by being homeschooled. Looking back, being obedient to God's will in spite of what I thought I wanted and what I thought was right was the best choice I have ever made. It doesn't make my dad's death any easier on me, but it proved to me that God is truly in control of my life. He knew that my dad was going to die that year, and He gave me a choice to follow what He told me to do or to ignore Him. Thankfully, I chose to honor His will, and He blessed me with those precious moments I got to spend with my dad for an entire year. 

Now, not only do I realize the importance of being obedient to God or His power and control over my life, but I realize so much more about Him. I knew Christ before my dad's death, but afterwards I became to know Him on a much deeper, personal level. Over the past four years I have realized that God is The One who hung the moon for me, He's The One I can always count on, and He is my standard that I will compare all others to. He has never let go of my hand the past four years, even when I tried so hard to let go of His because I was so upset. 

The hole left in my heart after my dad's death has been filled by Christ. It doesn't mean that I don't still get upset or I have my life all put together. I still get upset often, even after four years, and I surely don't have my life all put together... But I do have a peace looking back at God's perfect timing and His control over my life. Since the realization of that control over my life, I have yet to doubt another one of His callings for me. Things aren't always easy; things are often very hard when I don't understand all that He is doing, but I always find peace remembering that He has my life in the palm of His hand and He's not going to let me down if I follow His voice. 

"Serve only The Lord your God and fear Him alone. Obey His commands, listen to His voice, and cling to Him." Deuteronomy 13:4

Are You Beautiful?

Okay, I'm not going to lie... This blog post is actually a copy of a paper that I am going to be turning in to my English Professor for an upcoming assignment, but I think it's something that needs to be heard! So enjoy :) 

The word "beauty" is one of the most overly used, misunderstood, and poorly defined words in today’s vocabulary. Too often do people take the word “beauty” out of context and twist it into something it is not. While some beautiful things are indeed pleasing to the eye, not all beautiful things have a breathtaking appearance to consider it “beautiful.” For instance, a baby’s laughter is considered beautiful, yet it has no appearance to give it that beauty. 

So why is it that society has convinced women that to be beautiful they must catch the attention of every male they pass and contain no flaw in their appearances? The standards of beauty are so unrealistic that women constantly find flaws within themselves; cracks on their mirror, something that makes them feel unbeautiful. On the other hand, many Christians try to convince women that the outward appearance is of no value and that a woman’s inner self alone is what makes her beautiful. A woman must find a balance between the two opposite views to define her beauty, but where does that definition lie between the two parameters? When women define beauty in its proper meaning they are able to finally face society in their own bodies with confidence and consider themselves beautiful.

Are your lips full? Does your forehead rise high above your broad face? Do you have a narrow jawline and small chin? Is your complexion clear and smooth? Do your brows arch? Are your teeth pearly white? Can you fit in clothes under a size four? Are your legs long and lean? If you were able to answer yes to the previous questions, consider yourself beautiful; “beautiful,” according to the latest edition of People’s magazine and today’s society that is. Today’s society portrays the “ideal female” all throughout the media, leaving women in our society trying to meet artificial and unrealistic standards of beauty. Not every woman can squeeze into a size two, strut her long legs across the runway, and dazzle everyone with her smile, but does that make her any less beautiful? No, it does not; we were blessed with a beautiful Creator who ensures us of our beauty, each day, regardless of our physical appearance.

When women understand that their Creator was first beautiful, and that in turn all things because of Him are also beautiful, they realize their beauty as well. Christ was, is, and forever will be the standard for beauty regardless of society’s changing views throughout time. Each woman was made in the image of Christ, and to deny that she is beautiful would be to deny His beauty. The realization of the fact that a woman is already beautiful simply because her Creator is beautiful is what gives a woman confidence to face society in her own body. It does not matter what her body type, skin color, or hair length is; she knows she is beautiful because of her Heavenly Father.

However, a woman’s physical appearance does not solely define her beauty. A woman’s beauty is also defined by her inner self. When a woman has a positive outlook on life, has a gentle and quiet spirit, and is ultimately a genuine woman of The Lord, she also contains great beauty. When it comes down to it, inner beauty is simply a reflection of Christ in the lives of women, and each day as they strive to look more like Him that beauty is made public. Society may not find those attributes to be beautiful according to their terms, but Christ and His followers do.

Too often women neglect their inner beauty when they focus solely on their outer beauty or even vice versa. Though inner and outer beauties are opposites, they need to meet in perfect harmony to help define a woman’s true beauty. A woman should not neglect her physical appearance to focus completely on her relationship with Christ, while at the same time a woman should not neglect her inner beauty to spend more time in front of the mirror. A balance must be found to create a true definition of beauty.

Women must grow in Christ on a daily basis, and maintain a healthy relationship with Him. By walking daily with The Lord, a woman’s inner self is transformed, made clean, and ultimately made beautiful. Her spirit is made gentle, patient, and joyful, and the reflection of Christ in her life shines with an adorning beauty. Women must also maintain their physical appearance. That is not to say a woman must spend hours on end in front of the mirror or in the gym to meet society’s expectations, but she should make herself presentable to the public, which makes her beautiful. When women are able to find that balance in their lives of both inner and outer beauty, they ultimately define beauty in its true meaning.

In the end, all women are considered beautiful.  Beauty cannot be given a concrete definition for all women because it shifts between each individual. The beauty of a woman is ultimately defined by her best possible self, both inwardly and outwardly. 

Women vs. Women

Why is it that as girls we desire to tear other girls down? Let's face it, when's the last time a new girl came around and you didn't size her up?

"Her hair is longer than mine."
"Is she funnier than me?"
"Are the guys going to like her more than they like me?"
"Her smile is prettier than mine."
"Her parents make more than mine." etc, etc.

It's almost a natural habit we have acquired as women of today's society. That new girl no longer becomes an option for a friend, but instead another target of competition, and that's just not right. We tell women who are overweight to put the fork down while we tell skinny women to pick it up. We tell the quiet girls to speak up while we yell for the loud girls to shut their mouths. It's not even fair game when it comes to our standards we set for other women. So, if we know how awful it is to be treated horribly like that, why do we continue to treat others in the same way, just adding to the never-ending cycle of tearing one another down? It baffles me. Girls baffle me. I baffle me (as silly as that sounds).

Whether it's in the form of gossip, subtweeting, verbal or physical bullying, comments on social media, racism, etc. we all partake in the never-ending cycle, but why?

I'd say it has to do with the little green eyed monster that lives in the hearts of women; Jealousy, I believe is what they call him. But why are women so jealous of one another? Personally, I think it's because these jealous women lack the ability to see their own self worth. I suffered from my inability to see my own worth multiple times before I met Christ, but why should I have allowed my inability to see my worth as a person hurt another girl? That was ridiculous for me to do that, and it's ridiculous that that's what society has taught us to do: elevate yourself by bringing someone else down, whether it's publicly or simply in your own thoughts. I mean society just blatantly tells us that the woman vs. woman fighting is okay. Just look at The Bachelor, where 25 women fight for one guy who is willing to do whatever, whenever, with almost whoever. Each of the 25 girls are willing to tear each other apart in order to gain the attention of some guy they've never even met before the show. Don't you see the wrong in that?

I mean we hear the "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" phrase all the time, but clearly it's not taken to heart. However, I challenge you to make an effort to only let uplifting words come your mouth for at least one week especially if they are about another woman. I'm not challenging you to be fake to one another, but instead to gain respect for each other. You never know the battles another girl may be facing that day, and you don't want to be the one who breaks her.

We all have the same value in the eyes of our Heavenly Father, and He's our standard. Our standard isn't defined by what society tells us or by another woman, so stop with the hatred towards one another, and find your worth in His eyes. You can be the one to stop the cycle.

We Are Pursued

I'm at a point in life where it seems like I'm surrounded by either couples who are already acting as if they are going to be getting married or singles who feel as if they are going to be "forever alone" because they aren't currently in a relationship.

In either scenario, the girl is longing to be sought after wholeheartedly. Whether she's single waiting on a pursuer, or she's in a relationship longing to be romanced and loved each and every day... She wants to be sought after, and she wants her pursuer to pursue her wholeheartedly! When she doesn't receive the romancing she had been wanting for so long, she begins to put walls up and shut people out. 

Keep in mind when I'm talking about this "she," I'm talking about myself just as much as any other girl reading this. It's an inevitable desire we have as women to be pursued. Too often though, we forget that we are already being pursued each and every day by the King of Kings, the ultimate pursuer.

Think about the last sunset you watched... breathtaking, huh? Your pursuer painted that in the sky just for you. Think about the all of the songs the birds sing outside your window each morning... beautiful, aren't they? Your pursuer wrote every note to those songs for you to hear. Think about the calm breeze that brushed against your face as you stepped outside the other day... comforting wasn't it? Your pursuer knew you needed that. The list could go on and on about the ways God reveals His love for us. No, it's not teddy bears and chocolates, and it's not a bouquet of flowers or being serenaded from your window either; it's more intimate than any of that. God knows the things that make your heart flutter. He knows the things that sweep you off your feet and take your breath away, all of which are unique to YOU! Ask God to reveal Himself to you, to show you how He has been pursuing you. Ask Him to reveal His love to you, and I promise, if you ask for that with a genuine desire to see Him, He is going to reveal Himself to you.

Now don't get me wrong, things won't always be easy just like the seasons of singleness or even the times where the relationship just isn't going too well. We get discouraged. We feel lonely. We are emotional. It's expected, especially as women. And like I've previously talked about before: there are times where God feels like He's right by your side holding you by your hand, and there are times where you can't seem to find Him anywhere. However instead of putting walls up and shutting God out like you normally would with anyone else, I challenge you to pray and ask God to just reveal Himself to you again. Trust me, He's going to wipe those tears away and heal your brokenness when you ask Him to.

He allows us to feel those uneasy points so that we can reignite that fire to be close to Him again. He wants to be sought after too, don't you see? He wants us to feel broken because when we simply ask Him to comfort our hearts, He is going to do it! He wants to be our ultimate comforter and lover of our soul. When we allow God to comfort our hearts and seek after us, we stop seeing Him as just a God we are to be obedient to and worship on Sunday mornings, and instead we see Him as our one true pursuer, the only One worthy of our hearts.

Trust Without Borders

Okay so I don't know if you are familiar with the song "Oceans" by Hillsong United or not, so I'm just going to share a link so that you can listen to the song before reading my post! 

I know the song is pretty long, but it is beautiful. I get chills every time I hear the song because I'm not just standing there in worship singing a song... I'm singing a prayer asking God to test my faith. I'm ASKING for God to take me further than I could ever wander on my own. 

I've heard the song countless times on Pandora, in worship, etc. In fact, I heard it last week at our freshman chapel. Well last night we sang the song at our BSU gathering we have every week, and I was singing along until it got to the bridge where it says: 


Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever You would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Savior

When those words hit the screen and everyone around me started singing that out loud my eyes filled with tears and I choked. I couldn't bring the words out of my mouth. I was broken, standing there, I felt The Lord's overwhelming conviction. I had been singing this song the entire time and even the previous week in Chapel, but right then I realized I didn't mean a word I was saying, and it hit me hard. I stood there, broken before the Lord, ashamed.

Throughout the song I was singing about how my faith would stand firm even when it was tested. I was singing about finding rest in my Savior's arms in the midst of the chaos in life. I was singing about how my God had never failed me, and He wouldn't start now. Though every bit of that is 100% true, I knew I wasn't living my life that way. 

Right now, if you know me, you know how overwhelmed I have been throughout this whole transitioning process from home to college. I have good days, and then I have really bad days where I feel like I can't handle it anymore. There's times where I would spend night after night in tears because I couldn't seem to grasp why God brought me here if He knew I was going to be having such a hard time adjusting. I know that I am suppose to be here at Mississippi College, but I still find myself doubting for whatever reason. I still get upset at the end of the day when I get discouraged by various things. I still find myself questioning God and His reasoning. I wasn't living out the words I was singing. The prayer I was praying throughout that song couldn't even leave my mouth because I knew that I didn't mean a word of it. I didn't want God to call me anywhere; I wanted to go home. I didn't want my faith to be tested; I was exhausted by what life had been to me lately. I didn't want to be led where my trust was without borders; I knew that I couldn't even trust God within set borders. 

All of that hit me hard, it was like I got knocked out of breath. I seriously couldn't bring the words out of my mouth. I knew that I couldn't sing those words and mean a word of it. I choked. In that moment as the tears rolled down my face, I took a step back and thought about what I had been singing earlier...


Your grace abounds in deepest waters

Your sovereign hand will be my guide

Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me

You've never failed, and You won't start now

God's sovereign hand has been my guide even when I felt alone, even when I was scared, even when I was at my breaking point. HE WAS THERE. His grace was waiting there for me, His hand was guiding me throughout the whole process. I wasn't alone. He had never let me down before, and He had no intentions of starting now. He was there, holding me by my right hand, waiting for me to just follow His lead. 

I stood there, wiped the tears away, and started to pray. I asked God to equip me with the strength to make it through what I have considered to be one of the loneliest times of my life. I asked God to give me courage to face each day with a good attitude. I asked God to allow me to be taken out where my trust had no borders. I wanted to start trusting God without having to see a reason behind every little detail of the day. I wanted to trust God in spite of the emotions that overwhelmed me each night. I wanted a trust without borders.

I don't know what this week or the following weeks are going to bring me. I know that the oceans are going to rise at times, but I will look above the waters. I will continue trusting because my God has never let me down, and He NEVER will. 




 

 

Spiritual Highs and Lows

Most Christians are familiar with the concept of spiritual highs and lows. Often times we compare our spiritual walk with a roller coaster, a mountain and valley, or a heart monitor. Each example containing a constant pattern of up and down motions.

When we are at a "spiritual high" we feel God's presence in every circumstance. We are able to speak with Him on the mountain top and hear His voice. However, when we face a "spiritual low," we are at the valley where we feel as if God cannot be found. We are consumed by depressing thoughts, and at times we feel as if we will never make it back to the top again.

Our spiritual walk is almost always defined by a constant rhythm of up and down movements. Why can't we just stay at the top and experience all that God has to offer forever? I know I wish I could have that. I hate how at times I can allow myself to fall to such a low point in life that I can't even feel God's presence. As a Christian, I know that He's always there, but I can't always feel that He's there. I think every Christian can relate to what I am talking about. And if not, please feel free to share with me how you do it! I'd love that.

I find myself at the highest point in my spiritual walk after a church camp, a retreat, a conference, etc. It's so easy to get close and personal to The Lord when you're in an environment where nearly everyone is pursuing The Lord's will for their life. After a few days or even a week or two of having that constant intimacy with Christ, I'm definitely at my spiritual high. I hate admitting that. I'm ashamed that I can't reach that highest point on my own.

I find myself at the lowest points when things don't go the way I thought they were suppose to, when I lose someone I care about, when things in life just don't make sense to me. And often times, I go from an amazing spiritual high and immediately into a spiritual low. Even though in my heart I know God is control of all circumstances and that He's going to make good out of whatever I'm going through, I still allow myself to fall into a spiritual slump. I'm ashamed of that as well. I'm ashamed that through the times when I need God the most I allow myself to go days without reading my Bible or praying like I should.

I've done a lot of thinking about spiritual highs and lows, and I realized that even Jesus Himself experienced a similar situation. In Mark 1, we see that Jesus was baptized and the Heavens opened up for Him, but then the following 40 days He experienced great temptation by Satan himself.  That sounds like a pretty low point if you ask me. Though Jesus was faithful and did not fall into the temptations, He still had to experience a valley in life. With that chapter in mind, we see that it is biblical to experience spiritual highs and lows.

I think God gives us those high moments to show us what it's like to be in His presence. However, often times we allow our emotions to control that spiritual high, and our emotions are unstable like C.S. Lewis says, "Though our feelings come and go, God's love for us does not." Spiritual highs are almost always led by emotions especially when you experience them during a camp or retreat; but God wants us to experience our spiritual highs when He is doing something beautiful in our lives and when we reach the mountain top experience by our strong faith in Him instead of by emotions. Though church camps, retreats, and conferences are all wonderful experiences, we shouldn't depend on them to reach the top of the mountain and be close to God.

On the other hand, I think God gives us spiritual lows so that we realize our dire need for Him. Even when our faith is being stretched more than we think we can bear, He is there! He's showing us our great need for His direction in our lives. He tests us so that in the end we can come out with an even stronger faith. It's like a soldier going through boot camp. During boot camp the soldier is exhausted physically, mentally, and emotionally, but when he is finished with all of his training he is prepared for battle. God does the same with us. He puts us through tough times so that in the end we are prepared for battles with the enemy. When we realize our great dependency on God, we can be prepared for our valleys. Spiritual lows help us deepen our faith in The Lord. It's not something we should be ashamed of.

So next time we face a spiritual high make sure it's not centered around our emotions. Allow your spiritual high to be fueled by your faith in Christ. And the next time we encounter a spiritual low, don't be discouraged and stay in The Word even when it's hard.

A Desire to be Loved

As humans we have a desire to be loved, and that desire has been there since our first breath. We were born to be loved, and we feel insufficient when our cravings for love aren't met by other people.

We make choices revolved around the acceptance of others. We make decisions based on what other people would think of us. We go out of our way for people over and over with only an intent to be loved. We do all of this and more to simply be loved and accepted by other people.

Why do we have such a craving to be accepted and loved by other people when we have a Creator who loves us unconditionally? There's numerous examples of His love for us throughout the Bible. 1 John 3:1 states "See how very much our Father loves us, for He calls us His children, and that is what we are!" We must really be loved if the King of Kings is willing to call us HIS children! Jeremiah 31:3 says "I have loved you with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself." God loves us with a constant and boundless love, and nothing we can do can separate us from that love according to Romans 8:38. John 3:16 tells us that God loved us enough to send His only son as a ransom for us. In Hebrews, He promises us that He will NEVER leave us or relinquish His love for us.

All of these verses were written long before we were born, yet the love He lavishes over each of us remains the same. The way we look, the choices we make, or who we are doesn't define the love that God has for us. A little hard to understand isn't it? We base our love for others on so much more, but God loves us because He created us. He has loved us since the beginning, and that same love will continue eternally.

Even in spite of all of this, we still desire to be loved and accepted by other people.  That's natural; We were born with a longing to be loved. But we must keep in mind that we were also born with a Father who already loves us. We were born with a love that doesn't have to be earned. He began to love us individually before we were even formed in our mother's womb. Let that soak in for a little while...

We are loved!!!

Putting An End To Stress

I've been stressed since the second day of Kindergarten.

Okay it may not be that exact; but if you know me, you know I am ALWAYS stressed about something. Whether it's the most trivial detail in life or one of the most problematic things I've gone through, it's most likely causing me to worry and stress. Often times, I suffer from being stressed without any specific reason; I just feel the burden on me. 

Over time I've tried to figure out why I am always suffering from this so called "anxiety," and I've come up with multiple reasons over the past few years. I've convinced myself that I'm too controlling, that my expectations exceed reality, and that just too much is going on in my life. But is that really the case? 

Honestly, I've come to terms with myself and faced the facts... I'm simply not trusting The Lord enough, and that HAS to change. My God created me. He planned out EVERY path in my life, EVERY trial, and EVERY single thing that I've chosen to worry about. If the utmost beautiful and perfect Creator made me and planned out every detail of my life, then why should I worry? Well I've had my wake up call for sure... 

As I laid in bed between classes the other day I was doing my normal routine of going through every detail of that day and worrying about it. "Did I do this right?" "Am I going to have time for this?" "Do they really think I'm capable of doing that?" and so on and so on. And then it hit me, the only thing I'm doing by worrying about every detail of my life is fueling Satan's power over me. I become so distant from The Lord when I allow stress to control my life that I become so incredibly vulnerable to the enemy's lies. I start to believe that no one likes me, that I could never achieve my goals, that I'm incapable of making an impact on others, etc. The fact that I had been allowing those thoughts to consume my life disturbed me. I decided then and there that I would not let Satan have that type of power over me anymore. 

How often have we heard Philippians 4:6-7? "Do not worry about anything. Instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all that He has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Jesus Christ." I've heard that verse numerous times, but to be completely honest, I never once really applied that verse to my life. Of course I prayed about certain situations, and of course I thanked God for the things He had blessed me with... But I had never once thanked Him for the trials and the tests of faith. I never once really asked Him for what I "needed." And I almost always felt ridiculous bringing my trivial worries into my prayers, but that's EXACTLY what He wants from me. He wants me to tell Him the things in my life that are causing me to worry. He wants me to thank Him for the trials in my life. He wants me to experience His peace in my life. He wants to guard my heart and mind from the enemy's lies. 

What a compassionate Father and Creator we have. 

But let's be real here a moment. This isn't something that's going to change overnight... but I want to challenge you to start putting an effort into giving things up to The Lord. You may not suffer from the same types of worrying issues I have had, but when you find yourself stressed about an upcoming exam, worried that you're not fitting in, or anything at all that's causing worry or stress in your life big or small, just give it to Him! I have seen a noticeable change in my walk with The Lord since I have chosen to start really applying that verse into my life. I am not perfect by any means, far from it... I still catch myself stressing about things from time to time, but then I remember that I have a choice to be vulnerable to the enemy or to experience the beauty and comfort of God's peace. 

I hope that this applies to more people than just me, and if it applies to you.. Just know I am praying for you (whoever you are) and that I am right there with you. It's a daily effort, but it is so worth it when you can finally be at peace with yourself and the situations you are in. And hey, please keep me in your prayers too. I still go through times that I forget these things, so definitely keep me in your prayers as well! 

I feel like I should end this blog post with two things... 

1. An apology for not blogging much lately: I'm so sorry guys! I've been transitioning into the new college life, but I'm going to start sitting down and making time for this more often! 
2. And a cliche saying: "We are too blessed to be stressed!" Hey, I thought it was appropriate. :) 

My obsession with "daughter of The King"

Who am I?

• I am Erin Pentecost.
• I am a college student.
• I am a sister, a daughter, a friend. 
• I am a daughter of The King.

Nearly every bio you read about me will include "daughter of The King," and as you can see... it's also the title of my blog (my very first blog I might add). I don't use the phrase "daughter of The King" to label myself as some type of princess... even though we all know I am one ;)  But rather I use it to label myself as a girl who has been saved, redeemed, and loved by The King of Kings, my Heavenly Father, and my Savior.

Before I met Christ I sat around dreaming of "prince charming" and "Mr. Right." Little did I know that I had a groom waiting for me and preparing a place for me in Heaven. I spent so much time imagining a fairytale love story that I was oblivious to the one REAL love story that was awaiting me. I felt worthless for so long because I thought my worth was found in the eyes of people; but once I realized my worth was not found in man's eyes but in The Lord's eyes, my life was completely changed. I accepted Christ into my life, and I was made new again. I no longer viewed myself as worthless, as an average girl, or as someone who had to please everyone. I began to view myself as beautiful, as someone who was valued and loved, and as a daughter of the King. By accepting Christ to be the Lord of my life, He adopted me to be His child and His princess... I knew that there was nothing in life that could make me any less His.

Each of us have worth and value to The Lord, we each have an amazing purpose in life, we each have beauty in the eyes of our Heavenly Father. And when we choose to accept Christ as our Savior and the Lord of our lives, we are able to find comfort in the beauty of knowing that we are His and that NOTHING can ever change that.

I am not a daughter of The King because of who I am, I am a daughter of The King because of WHOSE I am.