Eyes of Grace & A Heart to Forgive

Have you ever been at a point in life where you are so trapped in your sin that you do not even want to go to your Father in prayer anymore because you are so ashamed? Or have you been to the point where you refuse to open your Bible because you aren't getting anything from it anymore because your heart has been so burdened with the pains of sins that have not yet been healed?

If you want me to be honest, I've been there.

It's such a confusing and disheartening situation because you know in your heart that God is merciful and ready to forgive, but you are so shameful of your sins and you begin to believe the lies of the enemy to the point where your relationship with God suffers tremendously.

Over the past few years I have learned a handful of things about Satan as he as attacked my life time and time again, one of which being: when he can't convince me to believe the lies about myself, he feeds me lies about my Heavenly Father.

"God is not loving. He is not gracious or merciful. He will never forgive your sins." All of which are so far from the truth, but at times I have found myself believing these things.

As previously mentioned, I have been caught up in my sin to the point that I couldn't hardly go to God in prayer or read His Word because I was so shameful and honestly I just didn't want bring my problems to Him because I was afraid.

Here is the thing though: God already knows every detail of your life. (Psalm 139:1) This includes your bad days, the things you are shameful of, and your sins.

When I first heard of God's omniscience I was scared of it, and then a little later I began to simply ignore it as I would attempt to hide my sin from Him. However, over time, God revealed His Truths on the subject to me.

We do not have to be afraid of His omniscience! When we are find ourselves scared or trying to hide details of our lives from Him, we are accepting lies of the enemy.

There is nothing to be afraid of because God does not look at us with eyes that scrutinize every little aspect of our life that He does not like... He looks at us with eyes of grace!

When God looks at you He sees:

A new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17)
A child who has been reconciled by Christ, whose sins are not counted (2 Corinthians 5:18-19)
A child of the light (1 Thessalonians 5:5)
A victor (Romans 8:37)
A chosen and appointed child (John 15:16)
A co-heir of Christ (Romans 8:17)

And so many other beautiful things, none of which we should be afraid of.

In addition to the way that God views us, He also continually offers us His forgiveness.

No sins of ours are too big to be forgiven. When Jesus died on the cross, He died for ALL of our sins, each and every one of them, and The gift of forgiveness is ours for eternity. 

How comforting it is that when we are broken by our sin we can freely go to our Father for healing and restoration and allow Him to wash our sins away as white as snow (Isaiah 1:18).

There is no reason for us to be afraid or shameful. We are not victims of our sin, we are conquerors of it, and the first step to conquering our sins must start with going to the Father with them and allowing Him to view every aspect of yourself including the broken parts of you that are results from the pains of sin you have not allowed Him to forgive. When you draw closer to Him you allow Him to transform whatever may be broken into something beautiful.

The Key

This morning I walked into class slightly overwhelmed. I had a lot on my plate and much to accomplish before the day's end, and honestly, I didn't even want to be there because I felt like it was just a waste of an hour that I needed to do other things. However, I knew I needed to be there in order to have my papers from last week returned so that I could work on the next one that was due.

As the class started, my professor told us he had good news and bad news. He shared the bad news first... "I do not have your papers from the last two weeks ready to return to you."

Irritated, I rolled my eyes as I thought to myself, "The only reason I came to this dumb class was for those papers. I ought to just leave." However, something told me that I needed to stay in my seat for the rest of the class.

My professor then proceeded to give us the good news... "I have decided to cut the length of your final paper in half, on one condition. You are to watch this short film (Obsession: Radical Islam's War Against The West) and write a short summary of what you took from the film. If you don't want to do that, you can continue with the original assignment."

Again, I thought to myself, "Well, this is definitely doable, and it's a lot easier than the original assignment. I guess coming to class wasn't so bad after all." However, I was still slightly irritated that I couldn't continue working on the rest of my papers without my previous ones being handed back.

Then he reached for his things and pulled out a large bag of assorted keys. (Talk about weird.) He then proceeded to pass out an individual key to me and the rest of my classmates. I was slightly confused, but I ended up with one, which in my opinion, was pretty cute (for a key). So of course, being the girly girl that I can be at times, I snapped this picture.

He then asked us if anyone was familiar with the verse Luke 11:52. 

(Now keep in mind: yes, I do go to a Christian university, however I was not in a Christian studies class or any type of biblical class for that matter. I was just in one of my regular ole psychology classes, student research.)

None of us knew the verse off of the top of our heads, so he pulled his Bible out of his bag and gave it to the student in front of me to read the verse. It stated: "Woe to you lawyers! For you have taken away the key of knowledge. You did not enter yourselves, and you hindered those who were entering."

After he finished reading, my professor asked us if we knew what the key of knowledge was. A student to my right said, "The fear of The Lord is the key to knowledge" and she was so right. 

My professor then asked her how she knew that, and she proceeded to quote Proverbs 1:7, which says: "The fear of The Lord is the foundation of true knowledge." 

At this point in time, I was on the edge of my seat completely focused on where he was going with this analogy.

My professor then proceeded to tell us that the film he was asking us to watch (if we chose to do so in lieu of our original assignment) was slightly disturbing. He explained to us how hard it would be to have our eyes opened to something that the most of us were probably blinded to. He told us that our government was very similar to the lawyers that were spoken of in the verse that my classmate just read. With that in mind, he asked us to hold the key that he gave us in our right hand while we watched the film as a source of comfort. 

At that moment things started to click for me. 

He gave us that key as a tangible reminder of the The Lord, our Source of comfort in times of need, our Source of knowledge if we simply ask, and our Source of wisdom and understanding (Isaiah 11:2). 

My professor must have seen the fascination on my face, because he then asked me if I thought he was crazy. I quickly responded with, "No, not at all." 

My whole mindset of the day's class changed in that moment as I thought to myself, "He isn't crazy. He isn't crazy at all. My psychology professor just shared the Gospel with me and my fellow classmates through an assignment that was given to us in order to lighten our load this semester."

A few minutes later and after some further discussion amongst the class, he dismissed us. 

I left refreshed. I left joyful. I left reminded that The Lord is sovereign, that He is my comfort, and that fearing Him is the key to knowledge. I left reminded that things may not always go as planned, that at times I will be inconvenienced and irritated; but The Lord always has a plan, and that plan is far greater than anything I could have formed for myself.

I have a feeling that I will be using this key as a reminder of The Lord more often than my professor intended for during that short film he asked us to watch..... 

Oh how thankful I am for days like today.

Appreciating the Season You're In

Here recently I've been really caught up in the future, and by that I mean it's literally all I think about. I think about graduating college, getting engaged, getting married, buying a house, raising kids, and so on and so forth.

What's the harm in a little dreaming here and there? Probably none.

But for me, these dreams haven't been "here and there," they've been consuming my every thought. 

I'm rushing through each season of my life just to get to the next one as fast as I can. It's seemingly never ending, because I always have something else to anticipate; a lot like how in the fall how you can't stop dreaming about a white Christmas or how in the spring you begin making your summer plans to the beach, but before you know it... that season is gone, and it is on to the next. 

As you dream of the next season, you forget to enjoy the one that you're in. You miss the colors of the leaves changing, and you miss spring's beautiful blossoms in your garden.

I do the same thing with my life. I waste the away the season I'm in because I'm so busy dreaming of the next one. 

The other day at work my sweet boss reminded me of how precious each season of our life really is, and that once it's gone, it's gone, and we won't ever get it back. (How thankful I am for such a Godly boss to remind me of such an important lesson in life!)

It got me to thinking, I have to take advantage of each day that I have while I have it so that The Lord can fully shape me into who I need to be for the next one. And not only that, but as I'm in each season of life, I'm also in my own mission field that I need to focus on.

I'm not going to get my college years back, nor will I have the opportunity to witness to my friends and classmates so easily again. And is sharing the Gospel not the real purpose of my life here on earth anyway? 

As I'm selfishly wasting away my days dreaming of tomorrow, I'm also passing up opportunities to further The Lord's Kingdom.

I'm in each period of life for a reason, and I want God to use me in ways that only He can.

My prayer is that I will stop wasting away these precious seasons of life that God has blessed me with and that I will fully hand them over to Him so that He can shape me, mold me, and use me for His glory.

"For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven." Ecclesiastes 3:1

God's Voice

I went to a few of my friends here recently and asked them, "What's the key to any healthy relationship?"

You want to know what each and every single one of them responded with?

"Communication."

I think generally everyone can agree that active communication is vital in all relationships, whether it be with a romantic interest, a parent, or a college roommate. And quite frankly, I think the same goes for our relationship with The Lord as well.

So often I hear people saying that their relationship with Christ is very one sided. They pray, pray, pray, but never hear back from God.

If you're anything like me, "hearing God's voice" or "Does God still speak to us?" has been in your google search history at some point in time because let's be honest, we get really frustrated and feel incredibly disheartened the very moment when we don't feel God near or when we feel like God is not speaking to us immediately upon our request.

We know that God is our Friend and our Father, so just think about that for a second.

What if your best friend decided to never speak to you again but still wanted to be your friend? Would you really consider that a good friendship? What if you encountered a dad that has never even spoke to his daughter? Would you consider him to be a good father? I think we can safely say that the answer would be no to both of those questions.

So why is it that we think God (our perfect Friend and Father) does not communicate with us?

I also hear people saying that think God can only speak to them through the Bible. It's ironic, because Scripture tells us quite the opposite. I do believe that God primarily uses the Scriptures to speak to us, but I do not think that it is His only way of communicating with His children.

Read the stories in the Bible. Look at Moses, Abraham, Hagar, David, Ananias, and the many others God spoke to in the Bible. The list can go on and on.

I'm sure many of you are thinking, "Well, yeah but that was then. This is now." Yeah, you're right, but why would God give us these beautiful and hope-instilling stories in His Word and then say, "I don't talk to my children that way anymore."

To claim that God does not speak to His children like that anymore is simply unbiblical.

The Bible clearly calls us The Lord's sheep, and it names Jesus Christ as our Shepherd. Numerous times we are told that the only way to follow the Shepherd is to hear His voice.

Listen for His voice today. Ask The Lord to speak to you in new ways and to teach you to listen for His "still small voice" because He DOES speak to us if we choose to hear Him.

For the Lonely Hearts

The pain of loneliness is one that I know all to well, and sadly, I'm well aware that I'm not the only one who is well acquainted with this pain. Loneliness is a battle that all of us face at some point ––– some more than others.

I'm not usually quick to recover from these seasons of loneliness either, so I often beat myself up over it for quite some time.

"If only you were more outgoing..."
"Why can't you keep the interest of your friends?" 
"No one likes you because ______."
"You just need to get over your fears and meet new people."

... and so on and so forth, ultimately leading into a constant state of "I'm just not good enough." (Which I've come to realize are all LIES that the enemy tries to convince me of)

I've opened up to people about my loneliness before and the response is always the same, "But you know so many people???" 

They're right. I know a lot of people, but the truth is, I don't feel known by hardly anyone. I often feel out of place and unwanted in nearly every place I go. In fact, I'm often the loneliest when I'm in a big group of people.

I will spend my days and nights praying for a friend, and God often immediately answers my heartaches by providing me someone to connect with during that season of loneliness. However, as time passes and life goes on, most of these friendships end up dwindling away; then naturally, the feelings of inadequacy would rise again in my life. "Why does everyone always walk away from me? Why am I not good enough?"

Don't get me wrong, I have a few really great friends that have managed to stick around with me for quite some time, and my mom is always super cool. (Hey mom ;) I know you're reading this) I love and value these relationships because I know they are simply a mere reflection of the vast amount of love Christ has for me. But sometimes these seasons of loneliness just creep up in my life and try to get the best of me.

On one hand I am so unworthy of the love of others, but on the other, I am loved and worthy of that love because Christ has declared me His daughter. It's taking time, but I am learning that my identity is not found in those who stay or walk away. My identity is found in Christ alone.

If you are feeling lonely today, I encourage you to express those feelings of loneliness to Jesus right now. He understands because He experienced the ultimate abandonment on the cross in order to express His love for YOU.

Invite His love to permeate every piece of your weary heart because He does understand, and He does want to comfort you. Then ask Him to take your ugly loneliness and turn it into something beautiful, something that is honoring to Him. Offer your loneliness to Him as an act of worship, fully depending on Him to satisfy your heart.

He is a father to the fatherless, a friend to the friendless, and our ultimate source of love and hope.

Take the Time to Rest

As I looked around my dorm room earlier I saw a mountain of assignments that needed to be done, a suitcase that needed to be unpacked, a couple loads of laundry that needed to be washed and put away, a phone lit up with 7 text messages and 2 phone calls that needed to be responded to, a list of people that I needed to meet with later in the afternoon, bible study material that needed to be looked over, and countless other things that were begging for my time and my attention.

All the while, I felt the Spirit knocking at my heart... "Erin, it's time to rest. I know what you have to do today, but I also know what you need to even accomplish those things."

So that's what I did...

I rested on His promises and on His Word. I rested in His peace, His love, His understanding, and His sovereignty. I rested in the gift of time that He graciously gave me to simply sit in His presence and renew my mind, body, and spirit.

I rested. 

I'll be honest, the first few minutes of my "resting" weren't actually resting. Rather, my mind was entangled with the many thoughts trying to convince me that I was seemingly wasting my time doing something that I didn't necessarily have time for in the first place.

"I've already had my quiet time, God. I don't have time to rest with you right now."

However, I was quickly reminded who the Author of time truly is, and I was able to sit back in peace and accept the beautiful gift of rest that He so graciously was giving to me.

_______________________________________________________

How often are you like I was today?

Overwhelmed and busy

How often do you feel convinced that you don't even have time to spend with the Author of time Himself?

Let me just encourage you to PRESS PAUSE.

Seriously pause and take a break from the chaos of life and simply spend time with your Heavenly Father.

If you're a wannabe superwoman (or superman) like me, you might think that taking a break from the busyness is a sign of weakness or laziness, but I think that's far from the truth.

Take a look at Jesus: the man who had greater things to do than you and I will ever have on our agendas, yet He still took breaks. Those breaks didn't come when He was at His breaking point, overwhelmed and tired by His relentless to-do list. Rather, those breaks were a part of His daily routine.

At different times of the day (early morning, the middle of day, late at night) He would get alone to spend time with God and renew His spirit....

Even when crowds gathered to listen to Him speak and see His miracles He would withdraw to lonely places to pray (Luke 5:15-16)

Sometimes He would spend the whole night pouring His heart out before God on a mountain (Luke 6:12)

Early in the morning before the sun would rise and the world would wake He got up and went to a solitary place to be with God (Mark 1:35).

He didn't let his todo list, friends, or other things/people get in the way of those breaks either. Even when a crowd of people were begging for his attention, He chose to still follow through with His daily routine of resting in the Father.

Resting is not a sign of weakness or even a display of laziness; it is a sign of strength. 

In order to fulfill God's will for our lives, we have to be empowered by Him. How can we do that without resting and spending time in His presence?

We are told countless times in the Bible to go The Lord, to cast our cares on Him, to lay our burdens at His feet, to be refreshed and strengthened by Him, and to spend time alone with Him.

Stop running on empty. Stop looking at your todo list and convincing yourself you don't have time to get alone with God.

Take a minute (or thirty) and rest in His love.

Be renewed and refreshed, not just today, but everyday.

Believe me, it's worth it. 

“But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.” -Matthew 6:6

People Pleasing is Idolatry

Hi, my name is Erin Pentecost, and I am a recovering people pleaser. 

I have spent nearly my whole life trying to make other people happy, and let me tell you... it's exhausting.

Well to make a long story short, the other day I was reading in Galatians and there was a part that really stuck out to me; it says, "If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ's servant." (Galatians 1:10)

As I let Paul's words soak in for while, I started to recognize how much of my life is consumed by "people pleasing," and after awhile I really started to be convicted about how much I do to make other people happy with me.

I'm sure you're thinking, "What's the big deal about making others happy?" I can imagine you sitting there thinking that or something along the same line because I too have thought the same things before about myself. Recently, however, God has really been revealing things in my life that I've been doing which have made winning the approval of man really stick out to be an idol in my life.

• Being overly critical of myself
• Continually being fearful of any risks or possibilities of being "wrong" 
• Thriving on praise/appreciation from others
• Over apologizing for unnecessary things 
• Saying "yes" to things that I don't want to do
• Constantly being fearful of what others may think if I don't always seem "perfect" 
• Rarely asking for help with things in my own life 

And to be completely honest, that list is only scratching the surface of things God has been revealing to me about my people pleasing attributes. 

For so long I have tried to convince myself that my motives for pleasing others were pure. I mean, let's be honest, continually trying to please EVERYONE sounds pretty selfless and awesome, right? 

Wrong. 

People pleasing was and always has been a form of idolatry in my life. Why? Because I continually chose to put the wants, needs, opinions, and approval of man before God. I was not being Christ's servant.

I allowed others to seemingly control me rather that allowing God to truly be sovereign over my life. I was more fearful of the opinion of man rather than fearing God in a healthy and proper way. I was not being Christ's servant. 

I had very poor stewardship because I often would spread myself too thin or have intentions of good things without ever being able to completely follow through for various reasons. I was not being Christ's servant. 

My motives were based on fear of rejection, fear of making others mad/upset, fear of disappointment, etc. My motives were not based on love. I was not being Christ's servant. 

And the list could go on... No matter how "good" some of the things I would do were, I was never doing them as a true servant of Christ because of the way I had allowed people pleasing to become such an idol in my life. Continually I would find myself burned out, exhausted, and sometimes even a little bitter because of my people pleasing attributes. I can try to twist things all day long and tell you that everything that I did was out of love, but that wouldn't be true. Love pursues authenticity, not a sense of acceptance from others. 

As I share my heart with you about this and openly share about some of these things that God has been revealing in my life, I can't help but think that maybe some of you reading this are or have been struggling in this area of your life. Maybe you have been struggling with people pleasing for awhile now and your eyes are just now being opened to the way it can become such an idol in your life despite your often "good" intentions. Well, I would like to give you some hope and a sense of direction.

Rip the idol out from its roots and dig into Scripture. Start basing your worth and approval off of the Truths in God's Word rather than on the opinion of man. Understand that God must become MORE in your life while you must become LESS. Stop allowing the acceptance of man be such a priority in your life... Take the time to soak in the fact that God completely and fully accepts you as you are, no strings attached. The prison of constantly pleasing other people is miserable and exhausting, but the joy that comes from making God FIRST in your life and then being able to serve others through His strength and power is indescribable!

There's nothing wrong with doing things for other people (according to Philippians 2, we are to have a Christ like attitude by acknowledging and respecting the interests of others), but there is a big difference in doing things for others as a servant of Christ and as someone who simply wants to seek acceptance by trying to please everyone. You have to allow your acceptance come from God first. Take a minute to sit back in God's presence and just let Him love you and accept you for who you are. Receive His love first so that you can truly and purely love others. 

I started this post by saying I am a RECOVERING people pleaser. There's a good chance that if you invited me to go to lunch for mexican and I wanted pizza, I would be eating chips and salsa. But I have been learning the importance of rest, the importance of saying "no" when I need to, that God's love for me is not based on how much I do for others, and that putting my relationship with The Lord FIRST at all times is the only way I can truly be a servant of Christ which is ultimately the best thing I can do for myself and for others. And let me tell you, it's been a beautiful journey of recovery so far.

So do you want to grab some pizza? ;)