His Will, Not Mine

I like to keep journals. In fact, I love to keep journals... especially the ones where I try my best to document what God is doing in my life at the time.

It's always interesting to pick up an old notebook and read what all I've written in the past. There's pages covered in both tears of joy and pain from the times that I've poured my heart out to The Lord using an ink pen and a couple of tattered pages in old journal.

I actually decided to do that last night. I picked up an old prayer journal, and I chose to flip through the pages and simply just skim over what was going on in my life a little over a year ago.

As I flipped through the pages, I noticed time and time again where I would seemingly beg God to do things my way... not necessarily in a demanding sense, but I recognized the urgency I had for things to align with what I wanted rather than simply praying for God's will to be done through my situations.

I couldn't help but laugh at myself as I read some of the things that I had prayed for. The hopes and dreams that I had at the time weren't necessarily "bad," but I just can't seem to even imagine where I would be in life if I had actually received the things I had wanted. Good thing God is sovereign, and I am not.

I write this because I vividly remember some of the disappointment that I faced when things didn't add up in my life at the time. I remember foolishly thinking that God was never going to bring me out of my situation or show me where to go since I clearly wasn't going where I had anticipated to go with my life.

I wish I could write to my past self and encourage my young heart that things were, in fact, going to be completely okay in the end... it would have saved me a lot of tears and confusion, I'm sure. However, sadly, I can't do that, but hopefully I can encourage you.

I can completely and honestly tell you that my hopes, plans, and dreams were nothing compared to what God has been doing in my life here recently... they are FAR better. (I mean duh.. why wouldn't they be? He has our very best interests in mind)

But since I am being honest, it hasn't all been easy. I mean, let's be real, when is it ever easy to turn your back on your own plans and start heading towards something completely different from what you had always imagined? While there are many specific things that I am thankful for because they haven't gone as I had originally hoped... there are also things that still do not make sense to me, but I know that God has it under control.

If I could give one piece of advice... it would be to trust The Lord. Like seriously... TRUST HIM. His ways, His plans, His love, His Word, His promises, His faithfulness, His goodness...

Trust Him through the times where things are clear and then again when things are confusing, and release the outcomes into His hands because He truly does have your best interests in mind, even when you don't have an understanding of the situation. All the while, develop a patient attitude alongside your trust. Patience just seems to go hand in hand with trust, something I quickly learned.

It's okay to have hopes, dreams, and plans for a future, but always be receptive of what The Lord is prompting your heart for, even when it doesn't align with your own plans. If He answers your prayers with a "no" or simply redirects your path, choose to follow Him anyway. Let His will be done and not your own; only then will you be able to live an abundant life.

Moving Forward From Sin

I feel like there's a time in everyone's life when we truly just regret something that we have done in the past. Have you ever been there? Are you there now, just beating yourself up over something that you did or something that you said?

After sitting in regret for a little while, normally the guilt turns into self condemnation, and Satan loves that. But according to Scripture, there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ (Romans 8:1) Sadly, a lot of us don't always remember that when faced with feelings of oppression.

Sure, we mess up. We sin. We fall short. But we also have a Father who loves us and willingly forgives us when we ask. We have to acknowledge our conviction, repent, ask for forgiveness, but then we have to move forward.

Satan so often traps us in guilt and condemnation when we choose to stay focused on our mistakes and our pasts. He thrives when we get caught up in shame and become focused on our pasts because he knows that there's no possible way to truly follow Christ with our heads turned behind us.

Think about it... You can't walk a straight line with your head turned around, can you? So what makes you think that you can keep your eyes on Christ and follow Him wholeheartedly while you're stuck in the past?

You don't have to wallow in self pity or condemnation after you've repented from your sins. When you find yourself with your head hung low in shame, remind yourself that your Father is not giving you those feelings of oppression. You have the power to get rid of those feelings; read scripture, pray, and choose to believe the way God truly views you and your situation. He loves you. He treasures you. And He forgives you.

Praying For Others

A few weeks ago I was having a conversation with a friend, and she ended up telling me a few prayer requests. I absolutely love to pray, especially for other people, so naturally I responded with, "Of course I'll be praying for you!!"

I had every intention of praying for her, believe me, but somewhere along the busyness of my day, I simply forgot. It wasn't until I saw her again that I remembered I had forgotten to do something I had promised to do.

I lied. And of all things, I lied about something sacred and holy. My heart sunk, and from this post, I'm sure you can tell I have been very convicted about my sin.

I feel like this is something we do often as Christians. By no means do I think that any of us intentionally lie about praying for others, but I do think that we toss around the phrase "I'm praying for you." as if it's something we take lightly, which is why I'm writing this post.

Prayer is far from something that we can just take lightly. I read a quote on the National Day of Prayer website that says the following, "Prayer has subdued the strength of fire. It has bridled the rage of lions, hushed anarchy to rest, extinguished wars, appeased the elements, burst the chains of death, expanded the fates of heaven, assuaged diseases, dispelled frauds, rescued cities from destruction, staid the sun in its course, and arrested the progress of the thunderbolt. In this communion with God, there is an all-sufficient panoply, a treasure undiminished, a mine that is never exhausted, a sky unobscured by clouds, a heaven unruffled by the storm. It is the root, the fountain, the mother of a thousand blessings!" And to think, we take something that powerful, that beautiful, and that astounding and simply just forget to do it, even when we promise others that we will. 

Honestly, I don't really have a "solution" for the problem, we are all forgetful beings and sometimes we don't really think about our words and our actions very thoroughly. But I have definitely been taking steps towards staying accountable in my prayer walk, which I wanted to share with you guys!

1. When someone asks you to pray for them (especially in person) just pray for them right then and there. It's so encouraging knowing someone is praying for you, so why not lift them up in the moment by praying over them while they're there? 
2. Be honest with people. Sounds simple, right? But really, only take on the responsibility of praying for someone if you know that you can handle it. Don't promise more than you can or will do.
3. Write prayer requests down! I don't always have pen and paper with me, but I generally always have my phone. (I finally found a use for the Notes app!) Then just simply go to your notes daily and get a quick refresher on those prayer requests of the day! 
4. Focus more on your own personal prayer and quiet time. Take time out of your day to be diligent and focused on The Lord, and start to ask Him to remind you to pray for those that you say you will be praying for. 

Prayer has become something that we offer rather than we do. And today by writing this post, I just wanted to challenge you to take the same steps I have been taking towards being more accountable in your prayer walk. Let's stop with the empty statement "I will pray for you." and start taking the responsibility of following through with what we say we will do. 

God loves YOU.

Jesus loves me! This I know,

1. For the Bible tells me so;
   Little ones to Him belong;
   They are weak, but He is strong.
   
   
   Yes, Jesus loves me!
   Yes, Jesus loves me!
   Yes, Jesus loves me!
   The Bible tells me so.
   
   
   If you're anything like me, you grew up singing that song. And over the years, as you've grown up, you've memorized countless scriptures on the love God has for you. 
   
   
   So over time you've come to know for a fact that God loves you; it's written all throughout Scripture, but do you believe it?
   
   
   I find myself loving God easily and believing His love for me when things are going smoothly, when everything in life just seems to be going good. 
   
   
   But when life knocks me down and I'm lost and confused at a dead end in my life, it's just a little harder for me to sing that song and believe that God loves me.
   
   
   I'm just being honest with you guys, and hopefully you can relate.
   
   
   So today I chose to go through some of the people in the Bible who I think must have been confused, lost, and at a dead end in their life, and I wanted to see how they handled things.
   
   
   I started with Hannah. For YEARS, Hannah was taunted and teased for being unable to conceive a child. She was teased to such an extent that it burdened her so badly that she would be unable to eat and do nothing but cry. 
   
   
   I then remembered Abraham. He was promised that he would be the father of nations, but his wife could not bear children for him. They took matters into their owns hands and their servant, Hagar, had Ishmael, yet God still blessed Sarah and Abraham with their own son later down the road. Isaac was born, exactly as God had promised. However, after some time later, God asked Abraham to take Isaac, the son he was blessed with and dearly loved, to the land of Moriah and SACRIFICE him.
   
   
   Lastly, I went to Job. Job lost EVERYTHING. And after he was faced with the tremendous grief of losing ALL of his animals, servants, and children, he was then struck with a disease that covered his entire body with boils. 
   
   
   We know the ending of each of their stories, and we see how God came through for them. It's comforting because we see so how God cares for His people and how He has things in His control.
   
   
   The thing about it though, just because we now know the ending of their stories, they did not. Hannah did not know that God would answer her prayers and give her a son. Abraham did not know that God would stop him right before he killed his own son as a sacrifice. And Job did not know that God would bless him with twice as much as he had before. 
   
   
   That's where we need to learn a lesson. 
   
   
   They had no idea the outcomes of their stories while they were in the midst of their trials in life (just as we have no idea what ours are) yet they remained faithful to The Lord and they trusted and believed that God loved them through it all. 
   
   
   God loved Hannah. God loved Abraham. God loved Job. And God loves YOU. 
   
   
   When you're facing a trial in your life, remain confident in The Lord even when life gives you every reason to doubt Him. God will come through just as He did for Hannah, Abraham, and Job, and one day you'll be able to share your story of The Lord's faithfulness for others too.  
   
   
   
   

A Battle For Your Heart

I recently read the book called Waking the Dead by John Eldredge, and let me tell you... if you haven't read it, go get it now and start reading. I finished the book a couple of weeks ago, and I am actually planning on rereading it when I finish the busyness of this semester; it's that good.

However, for those of you who haven't read it yet, I want to share a little bit of what I learned, and I also want to share a little passage from the book with you guys:

"If Jesus said the thief comes to steal and kill and destroy, well, then, why don't we think the thief ever actually comes to steal and kill and destroy? Good grief—the things people just roll over and accept as "God's will." The house was just the move to steal; the Enemy wanted to kill our hearts and destroy our faith and all that flows from it. I think that's nearly always true. The particular attack is not the issue; he'll steal anything to kill and destroy. 

During an assault like that you must remember: make no agreements. The Enemy will suggest all sorts of things. You see—God doesn't care. You're not worth fighting for. Your heart doesn't matter. You can't trust Him. He is trying to kill your heart, destroy the glory of your life. It will feel hard—really hard, almost impossible—but whatever you do, make no agreements. You have to start there."

-Waking the Dead, 156

That first line gets me every time. 

Jesus clearly told us in John 10 that the enemy's sole purpose is to attack us, steal from us, and ultimately destroy us. How naive we are to completely ignore what He clearly warned us of and act as if we are above (or maybe even below) the line of the enemy's attacks. 

Okay, so maybe you're getting the picture now, like I did. The enemy desperately wants to attack my life, specifically my heart.... but why???

Why? Because YOU are an image bearer of The Lord (Genesis 1:27). Of course the enemy wants to attack you, he hates that we bear the image of Christ. The enemy wants to do anything and everything to harm and ruin the lives of those who bear the image of God, to steal and kill and destroy them. 

Your life isn't going to and never will make sense until you come to terms with the fact that "the story of your life is the story of the long and brutal assault on your heart by the one who knows what you could be and fears it" (Waking the Dead, 149). 

Did you just read that??? The enemy KNOWS what you could be and he FEARS it. 

Satan along with the other fallen angels only have a short time here on earth to attack us, to steal from us, and to destroy us, and they are angry (Revelation 12:12). So why is it that we still live our lives in ignorance of these attacks in our lives—on our hearts. 

Wake up, people. 

I say that because that's what I have to tell myself every day.

"Wake up, Erin. Acknowledge these attacks on your life, and fight." 

The enemy of our soul is going to take every victory in our lives that he can get, no matter how small. Those thoughts of weakness, ugliness, or pride? Those aren't from your Father, so where do you think you got them? 

We just accept those little lies in our heads like they're nothing, and that scares me. It scares me because I've been there. I've accepted lie after lie after lie. I've been a slave to my own thoughts, captive to the thoughts that the enemy so desperately wanted me to keep. 

Another line in Waking the Dead that was a big eye opener for me says this, "Any movement toward God or others, will be opposed. Marriage, friendship, beauty, rest—the thief wants it all" (154).

Why do we let the enemy keep us pinned down then? Why do we just stop when we face opposition in our lives? Why don't we wake up and acknowledge the war that we are in the midst of? 

Go read Ephesians 6. 

This is not a war between flesh-and-blood enemies; we are at a war against the strategies of the devil, and it's time to put on the full armor of God and live our lives accordingly. 

Let me tell you, it's not going to be easy. In fact, I bet it's going to get a lot worse before it gets any better. Satan is going to try harder and harder when he realizes that you are finally going to start resisting his attacks on your life. He's scared of you. 

But don't lose hope. Keep your eyes on The Lord. Take up your shield, pick up your sword, and fight, for you are a treasure and warrior of the Kingdom. 

God's Diamonds

Diamonds are beautiful, aren't they?

I surely think so, but maybe that's just my girly side.

But really, diamonds are one of my favorite gemstones, and it's not because I have an expensive taste. Rather, it's because of the way that they are formed and still turn out so incredibly beautiful.

Diamonds are formed deep within the Earth (around 100 miles below the surface). So, if you know anything about science, you know it's hot down there, not to mention all of the weight and pressure of the overlying rock bearing down on the forming diamond. However, over time, the diamond is pushed up to the surface, and there we have it... the strongest and one of the most precious gemstones created. Pretty amazing, huh?

With that being said, I really appreciate the beauty of a diamond. Now if I, and many others I'm sure, have such an appreciation for the beauty of a diamond, think of the way our Heavenly Father must look at us after going through something difficult in our lives. When we are overwhelmed, beat down, and exhausted by the weight of this world, I imagine Him smiling and saying, "They are going to come out of this so much stronger and more beautiful than before." and that is what we do!

Don't be discouraged when you are facing a difficult time in your life. You will break through the surface soon. You will come out stronger and more beautiful than before, and your Father will look at you and consider you one of His most precious jewels (Malachi 3:17).

Letting God Use You

I started this blog last summer with intentions of sharing the love of Christ and the things that He has done in my life and/or taught me. It took me awhile to realize it, but upon starting this blog, I also placed a HUGE target on my back. I, just as any other servant of The Lord, became a threat to the enemy the day I chose to start following the Lord's promptings on my heart.

I watched time and time again as the enemy would try to deceive me and convince me that I wasn't good enough to be sharing my heart with my friends and family much less people around the world. I watched him try to knock me down and keep me there countless times. I watched him throw arrows at my back over and over and over again, and believe me, it was exhausting. But I kept writing these posts anyway because I knew that I was doing what God wanted from me, until recently that is.

This past month, I could not bring myself to post a single thing that God placed on my heart. Why? Because Satan used something different from any other attack he had used on me before. I didn't face the little fears he would try to throw into my life anymore; I faced an attack on my heart.

Despite the many people who tried to tell me that my heart was being attacked by the enemy, it took me a great deal of time to really understand what was happening. However, little by little last night and today, God began to show me the things in my life that I had been allowing myself to believe.

Over these past few weeks the enemy had convinced me that God was holding out on me and that it was my fault I was going through the things I was and unable to get out. I began to be obsessed with doing what was right, and when I thought I had done everything "right" and still found myself in the same storm, I truly did believe for awhile that God was holding out on me for some reason. I then began to think that my faith was weak, that I didn't trust God as much as I claimed to, and that I was a terrible example for The Kingdom because I was stuck in a storm and unable to get out (as if it was required for me, as a follower of Christ, to live a perfect life with no troubles). How unbiblical the mindset I had was...

God has been teaching me these past 24 hours that He was not and is not holding out on me, and it's not my fault that the storm hasn't passed yet. Instead, He is using me (how humbled I was when I truly realized this). God is using me and my every weakness to bring glory to His name. How? Just like He used Paul, Job, and countless others in the Bible to glorify Himself through their weaknesses and their troubles. My name and my story isn't written in Scripture for all to see, but my story was written by the same Author. The comfort I had when God spoke that to my heart and I really soaked in the truth of it was astounding. Things didn't magically get better, and things didn't really even start to make any sense for me. In fact, I'm still following God down a path with an unknown destination, and I still can't see but one step in front of me at a time. However, I'm starting to take true comfort in not only knowing that God is in control and not going to leave my side, but that He is using me.

I let the enemy convince me for weeks that God wasn't and couldn't use me while I was going through this storm in my life, but He is! The little things God has taught me through everything I've been going through are the things He wants me to share. It doesn't matter that I haven't reached the other side of this storm yet. He's using me even through it, a promise I'm going to have to start clinging to daily. I'm so eager to start pushing away the lies that enemy has been telling me and to start following God's calling for me and writing again.

All this to say, God is using you too! It doesn't matter if you are at a high point in life, a low point in life, or just cruising along; God is using you. Your story has the same Author as Esther, Daniel, and countless others as well. Dwell on that for awhile and think of the things that God has already done in your life, and then sit back and rest in the fact that He will continue doing more amazing things through your life, your story, and your circumstances for the rest of your days.