Letting God Use You

I started this blog last summer with intentions of sharing the love of Christ and the things that He has done in my life and/or taught me. It took me awhile to realize it, but upon starting this blog, I also placed a HUGE target on my back. I, just as any other servant of The Lord, became a threat to the enemy the day I chose to start following the Lord's promptings on my heart.

I watched time and time again as the enemy would try to deceive me and convince me that I wasn't good enough to be sharing my heart with my friends and family much less people around the world. I watched him try to knock me down and keep me there countless times. I watched him throw arrows at my back over and over and over again, and believe me, it was exhausting. But I kept writing these posts anyway because I knew that I was doing what God wanted from me, until recently that is.

This past month, I could not bring myself to post a single thing that God placed on my heart. Why? Because Satan used something different from any other attack he had used on me before. I didn't face the little fears he would try to throw into my life anymore; I faced an attack on my heart.

Despite the many people who tried to tell me that my heart was being attacked by the enemy, it took me a great deal of time to really understand what was happening. However, little by little last night and today, God began to show me the things in my life that I had been allowing myself to believe.

Over these past few weeks the enemy had convinced me that God was holding out on me and that it was my fault I was going through the things I was and unable to get out. I began to be obsessed with doing what was right, and when I thought I had done everything "right" and still found myself in the same storm, I truly did believe for awhile that God was holding out on me for some reason. I then began to think that my faith was weak, that I didn't trust God as much as I claimed to, and that I was a terrible example for The Kingdom because I was stuck in a storm and unable to get out (as if it was required for me, as a follower of Christ, to live a perfect life with no troubles). How unbiblical the mindset I had was...

God has been teaching me these past 24 hours that He was not and is not holding out on me, and it's not my fault that the storm hasn't passed yet. Instead, He is using me (how humbled I was when I truly realized this). God is using me and my every weakness to bring glory to His name. How? Just like He used Paul, Job, and countless others in the Bible to glorify Himself through their weaknesses and their troubles. My name and my story isn't written in Scripture for all to see, but my story was written by the same Author. The comfort I had when God spoke that to my heart and I really soaked in the truth of it was astounding. Things didn't magically get better, and things didn't really even start to make any sense for me. In fact, I'm still following God down a path with an unknown destination, and I still can't see but one step in front of me at a time. However, I'm starting to take true comfort in not only knowing that God is in control and not going to leave my side, but that He is using me.

I let the enemy convince me for weeks that God wasn't and couldn't use me while I was going through this storm in my life, but He is! The little things God has taught me through everything I've been going through are the things He wants me to share. It doesn't matter that I haven't reached the other side of this storm yet. He's using me even through it, a promise I'm going to have to start clinging to daily. I'm so eager to start pushing away the lies that enemy has been telling me and to start following God's calling for me and writing again.

All this to say, God is using you too! It doesn't matter if you are at a high point in life, a low point in life, or just cruising along; God is using you. Your story has the same Author as Esther, Daniel, and countless others as well. Dwell on that for awhile and think of the things that God has already done in your life, and then sit back and rest in the fact that He will continue doing more amazing things through your life, your story, and your circumstances for the rest of your days.

Finding Light in the Darkness

This is for the one who has lost a loved one. This is for the one who unexpectedly got diagnosed with a life threatening disease. This is for the one with a broken heart. This is for the one who spends night after night in tears. This is for the one who has been rejected, battered, and bruised by countless people. This is for the hurting and the broken. This is for YOU.

..........................

Though I've been through some things that I would never wish upon someone else, I know that somewhere out there there is someone that is going through something similar or even something far worse than I've ever had to deal with.

I wish I could sit here and tell you that I understand your pains when you're hurting and when you feel that you're trapped in the darkness. I wish I could listen to your story of brokenness and tell you that I've been through it and in return help you every step of the way... but I can't do that. However, I can tell you that I know someone who can.

His name is Jesus. 

..........................

When we are left hurting and broken it seems like no one can ever understand our pain. It doesn't matter if they have been through the same things or even claim to understand it, we know deep down that our feelings are really never the same as someone else's. That always seems to be true even when it comes to the most caring people we know and our best of friends; they just don't get it like we do.

That's not true of Jesus.

Believe me when I tell you this; He gets it. 

People always seem to try and comfort me by saying, "Well Jesus walked the same road you're walking. He had it just as hard, and He suffered too." Well to be honest, I don't find that comforting at all in spite of the truth of it. However, what I do find to be comforting is knowing that Jesus suffered for me and died in my place. He didn't end there though; He rose again, and He made a way to end all of my pains, heartaches, and sufferings eternally. He suffered for me, and He saved me through each of His sufferings. And each day as I choose to follow Him, even in the midst of heartache, pain, and brokenness, I become united to the greatest victory ever won, and I grow closer to the one who defeated suffering once and for all. That's where I find my comfort, and you can too.

We hurt here on earth when life just doesn't seem fair, when we lose someone we love, or when we get an unexpected heartbreak; but that hurt is not eternal. It will end. Some pains last longer than others, and some may never end while we are still here. However, our pains will not last for eternity.

Christ went before us and made us a path. He has already shown us the way to see the light and to find joy in the darkness. So take the time to acknowledge your pain, and then let God shape you through it. The things of this world may hurt your heart and crush your spirit, but God restores, supports, and strengthens us through them (1 Peter 5:10).

Nothing here on earth lasts forever, not even your pains; but God's work in you through your pain, that does. 

Dealing With Disappointment

Disappointment.

A word I know all too well.

A word I'm sure many of you are way too familiar with as well. I mean let's be honest, who doesn't get disappointed?

We set so many high expectations for ourselves and for others that we basically set ourselves up for failure time and time again. It's a hard thing to cope with, and it's even harder to overcome.

You and I have so many different disappointments in our lives I'm sure, but regardless of the differences, the pain is equally the same. And even after our best efforts to leave them in our past, they remain lingering in hearts, hurting us time and time again.

Feeling disappointed is a natural feeling we have as humans. I don't believe it to be a sin, and I don't think it's wrong to be disappointed with ourselves or even with other people. However, I do believe that the feelings of bitterness, anger, and depression that often follow our disappointments are the things in our lives that cause us to stumble, and that's why I'm writing this post.

Dealing with disappointment

1. Trust God and His plan for your life. I feel like we hear this so much that we take for granted who we are actually being told to trust. Seriously though... why do we seem to always just brush it off when someone tells us to trust in God, His plan, and His timing?

Our God moves mountains, raises the dead, and heals the sick. He has the power to bless, curse, and save whoever He wishes. He is almighty, He is all-knowing, and He is perfect. Our best interests are always on His mind, and He never lets go of our hands regardless of the numerous times we think we have let go of His.

I'm sitting here begging you to seriously sit back and TRUST GOD. He has you and each of your disappointments in His hand. He knows what He is doing, and His plans for your life are far greater and way bigger than anything you could ever imagine.

"My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts" says the Lord "And my ways are far beyond anything you could ever imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts."
- Isaiah 55:8-9 

2. Pray. I'm sure you expected this one, but seriously sit down and pour out your heart to your Father. It's okay to cry. It's okay to tell Him that you are hurting, confused, and broken. It is okay! He wants you to come to Him and to share your heart with Him.

Your prayers don't have to be perfect by any means. They don't have to use elaborate words and perfect sentences like the church pastor. Just talk to God like He's your best friend. Be honest with Him. Explain to Him why you are hurting and why you have your feelings of confusion and brokenness. Believe me; He wants to comfort you, and He can't wait to give you His peace. You simply must ask.

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed."
 - Psalm 34:18

"Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."
 - Philippians 4:6-7

3. Sit back and wait. I'm not a very patient person, so I have a hard time with this one. However, it is a vital part of the process of dealing with disappointment. God blesses us when we pray and when we wait patiently for Him to answer our prayers. He often blesses us far beyond our expectations when we least expect it. So keep praying and keep trusting. He won't leave you, and He won't forget about you or your feelings.

"Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord." 
- Psalms 27:14

Don't let disappointments have control over your life anymore. They do not define you! Give your disappointments and heartaches over to your Heavenly Father. Let Him mold you and shape you through them. Allow yourself to be so consumed by Him and what He's doing in your life that your disappointments eventually turn into blessings.

Our God can do that for us! And it is beautiful when He does!

Love: believe it or not, it's not about you.

Well it's February, so I thought I should take the opportunity to write about love. Not your cheesy, romantic love that's on just about every commercial this month, but the beautiful and perfect love found in Scripture.

I'm pretty much fascinated by the concept of love. It's one of my favorite topics to talk and write about, and it's something that I hold very dear to my heart. I don't know what about it is so intriguing to me, but it's something that fills my heart with joy when I think about it. I guess it's the fact that God loves me regardless of how I look, what I do, or what I accomplish. He loves me the same each and every day, and my heart is captivated by the love that Christ pours into my life daily even through my shame and my darkest days.

Okay, so now you know my outlook on love and the importance of it in my life. I'm sure you would think that since it's something so dear and true to my heart that I would have mastered loving others, but that's not necessarily the case. So I've made it a point to start focusing on the aspects of love and centralizing my life around its characteristics. What a better month to start than February, huh?

So we've all heard the "Love Chapter," but for me when I think about it I just imagine a couple getting married. I don't know, maybe that's just me... but I always seem to pair those verses with a relationship between a man and a woman, never with the love I need to be pouring into other people's lives.

"Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand it's own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

So I've broken it down for myself and for those of you reading this...

Does this define your attitude?

• patient
• kind
• self-controlled
• gentle
• faithful
• enduring

Or this?

• jealous
• rude
• irritable
• arrogant
• insisting your own way
• rejoicing in the downfalls of others

When I look I those lists I find myself embarrassed. For one who is so intrigued by the concept of love, I feel like I should possess the qualities of it far more than I do. The few aspects of love that I actually do possess don't make up for the rest lost. 

It's important to understand and realize that loving others isn't something that we can do with our own strength. It's something that we can only do with the power of the Holy Spirit in us. Everything on the "or this" list screams "MEEEEEEEEEE!" All of the arrogance, the irritability, jealousy, and rudeness puts attention on ourselves when in fact loving others isn't about us; it's about focusing the attention on Christ and glorifying Him. We so often think that love is when someone makes much of us, but really love is only what makes much of God. 

So I ask you to pray with me and for me that I can grow spiritually and learn to have a deeper and more personal relationship with Christ because I know that's the only way I can learn to love others the way He loves me. And of course, as always, I will be praying for those of you who take on this challenge with me! I'm excited for this, and I hope those of you doing this are too! 

Thanking God For Hardships

So lately I have been really convicted about my tendency to complain. If I were to be really honest with you guys and describe myself in one word today, I'd have to label myself as a complainer. Not exactly what I'd like to be known as, but it definitely describes me a lot of the times, especially today.

I complain about everything whether or not it's in my control, and for whatever reason, I have been dwelling on the negative a lot today. It got me thinking...

When did I decide that I should have a perfect life?

If it wasn't for the hard times, for the struggles, and for the "bad days" I wouldn't be who I am today. Honestly, I don't think I ever even would have recognized my need for a Savior.

So as crazy as it may seem, I spent my afternoon going through every hardship and bad day that crossed my mind and just thanked God for it and the impact it has made on my life. The peace that I experienced after thanking God for my hardships was overwhelmingly comforting.

I challenge you to do the same; thank God for your hardships now or the next time you find yourself dwelling on the negative like I was today. It makes even the worst days and the hardest moments seem beautiful.

Looking Up In Spite Of What's Ahead

Growing up I've wanted to be a number of things including a doctor, a photographer, and even a sign language interpreter. Let's just say I've had a number of interests over the past few years, and my indecisive nature never really made things easy on me as I began choosing the path for my future.

Since I couldn't decide what I wanted to do career-wise, I chose to go to college as an undecided major. However, at the time I really felt like I should go ahead and take my pre-med biology course just in case I decided to be a doctor. I didn't want to get behind if I did choose to follow the pre-med route, but it wouldn't hurt me if I chose to go another direction. So it all worked out for my first semester.

It worked out until the day that I saw that I didn't have an A in the class. I freaked out. If you know me, you know I'm an overachiever and often a perfectionist. Not to mention the fact that science classes had always been my best classes, so I was not happy with myself at all. I decided then and there that the pre-med route just wasn't for me.

My mom tried to explain to me over and over that it was only my freshman year, that I was adjusting, and that I was taking a really difficult course. And to be honest, she was right with every point she made, but it just wasn't good enough for me because I knew that I wasn't doing "the best."

Mom kept trying to get me to reevaluate my decision and keep going with it because she felt that I was basing my decision on the wrong factors. She never cared what I studied, but she didn't want me giving up on something I wanted. I didn't care, so I stubbornly ignored her counsel.

Well, over my break I ended up having to go to the doctor. I just got some medicines and left thinking everything was going to be fine. However, the next day I had gotten worse, and it was clear that I needed to go back. Mom called the doctor's office and squeezed me in, and I was able to see a different doctor from the day before. It was all a part of God's plan obviously.

So, I went to see this new doctor, and he knew exactly what was wrong. He immediately sent me to get a CT scan and ultimately prevented me from having an infection that could have spread to my brain and caused meningitis. (Of course that was a "Thank you, God" moment, but it wasn't even the best part).

God spoke to me that day through that doctor. My doctor didn't just keep me from getting sicker, or prevent my family from spending countless dollars in medical bills. He gave me some of the best advice I have ever received.

My mom asked the doctor to explain to me that it was okay to not have an A in a pre-med class, especially my first semester. I rolled my eyes at her as she explained my scenario to him and felt my face getting red, but in a few short moments I was blown away with his response.

He didn't just give me the cliche advice that I had been repeatedly hearing about it being my freshman year or that it was just a really hard course. He didn't tell me to stick with the pre-med classes either. He gave me advice that impacted my life spiritually.

He explained to me the importance of praying about what God wants for my future. He explained to me the importance of trusting that God would pave the path that I need to take. He then explained to me that I'm really never going to be satisfied with anything unless it was a part of God's plan. He was right. If God called me to be a teacher but I chose to be a doctor, I would never be happy. If God called me to be a nurse but I chose to be a photographer, I would never be happy. It all kind of started making sense to me.

His advice didn't make any decisions for me, but it's definitely adjusted my prayer walk. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up or what I want to study these next few years, but I know that whatever it is, God's already paving the road for me. I just need to pray, look up, and stop looking ahead.

Who Am I?

Who am I? 

A question I find myself asking quite often

Am I defined by my achievements or my failures? Am I defined by how I view myself, or am I defined by how other people label me? Am I just another college student, friend, and daughter in the world, or am I more than that? Am I the mistakes that I have made or the aspirations I have? Am I the sum of each of these things, or am I none of these things?

Who am I?

When I open my Bible, I find my true identity.

I am loved. 1 John 4:10
I am redeemed and forgiven. Colossians 1:14
I am God's masterpiece. Ephesians 2:10
I am chosen to bear fruit. John 15:16
I am a citizen of Heaven. Philippians 3:20
I am holy and blameless. Ephesians 1:4
I am never alone. Hebrews 13:5
I am Christ's ambassador. 2 Corinthians 5:20
I am a salt and light of the world. Matthew 5:13-14
I am victorious. 1 John 5:4
I am chosen to be loved. Colossians 3:12
I am born again. 1 Peter 1:23
I am a child of God. John 1:12

Satan is and always will be a liar. He is the master of deception, and he attacks us constantly with doubts and lies about our identities. We are often told we are worthless, unloved, and unforgivable, but God's Word tells us otherwise. It is our choice to listen to the lies of the enemy or to replace those lies with the Truths we can find in God's Word. Our lives reflect the thoughts we keep about ourselves. So when we continually feed our minds with negative thoughts and lies, our lives will produce fruits of the sinful nature. However when we feed our minds with God's Truth, our lives reflect the life that Jesus died to give us, and we produce fruits of the Spirit.

You are more than the lies of this world, and you are more than the sum of your mistakes and failures. You are MORE because You are LOVED by the King of Kings and your Heavenly Father. So today I encourage you to start feeding your mind with Truths found in God's Word and to start ignoring the lies of the enemy.