Love: believe it or not, it's not about you.

Well it's February, so I thought I should take the opportunity to write about love. Not your cheesy, romantic love that's on just about every commercial this month, but the beautiful and perfect love found in Scripture.

I'm pretty much fascinated by the concept of love. It's one of my favorite topics to talk and write about, and it's something that I hold very dear to my heart. I don't know what about it is so intriguing to me, but it's something that fills my heart with joy when I think about it. I guess it's the fact that God loves me regardless of how I look, what I do, or what I accomplish. He loves me the same each and every day, and my heart is captivated by the love that Christ pours into my life daily even through my shame and my darkest days.

Okay, so now you know my outlook on love and the importance of it in my life. I'm sure you would think that since it's something so dear and true to my heart that I would have mastered loving others, but that's not necessarily the case. So I've made it a point to start focusing on the aspects of love and centralizing my life around its characteristics. What a better month to start than February, huh?

So we've all heard the "Love Chapter," but for me when I think about it I just imagine a couple getting married. I don't know, maybe that's just me... but I always seem to pair those verses with a relationship between a man and a woman, never with the love I need to be pouring into other people's lives.

"Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand it's own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

So I've broken it down for myself and for those of you reading this...

Does this define your attitude?

• patient
• kind
• self-controlled
• gentle
• faithful
• enduring

Or this?

• jealous
• rude
• irritable
• arrogant
• insisting your own way
• rejoicing in the downfalls of others

When I look I those lists I find myself embarrassed. For one who is so intrigued by the concept of love, I feel like I should possess the qualities of it far more than I do. The few aspects of love that I actually do possess don't make up for the rest lost. 

It's important to understand and realize that loving others isn't something that we can do with our own strength. It's something that we can only do with the power of the Holy Spirit in us. Everything on the "or this" list screams "MEEEEEEEEEE!" All of the arrogance, the irritability, jealousy, and rudeness puts attention on ourselves when in fact loving others isn't about us; it's about focusing the attention on Christ and glorifying Him. We so often think that love is when someone makes much of us, but really love is only what makes much of God. 

So I ask you to pray with me and for me that I can grow spiritually and learn to have a deeper and more personal relationship with Christ because I know that's the only way I can learn to love others the way He loves me. And of course, as always, I will be praying for those of you who take on this challenge with me! I'm excited for this, and I hope those of you doing this are too! 

Thanking God For Hardships

So lately I have been really convicted about my tendency to complain. If I were to be really honest with you guys and describe myself in one word today, I'd have to label myself as a complainer. Not exactly what I'd like to be known as, but it definitely describes me a lot of the times, especially today.

I complain about everything whether or not it's in my control, and for whatever reason, I have been dwelling on the negative a lot today. It got me thinking...

When did I decide that I should have a perfect life?

If it wasn't for the hard times, for the struggles, and for the "bad days" I wouldn't be who I am today. Honestly, I don't think I ever even would have recognized my need for a Savior.

So as crazy as it may seem, I spent my afternoon going through every hardship and bad day that crossed my mind and just thanked God for it and the impact it has made on my life. The peace that I experienced after thanking God for my hardships was overwhelmingly comforting.

I challenge you to do the same; thank God for your hardships now or the next time you find yourself dwelling on the negative like I was today. It makes even the worst days and the hardest moments seem beautiful.

Looking Up In Spite Of What's Ahead

Growing up I've wanted to be a number of things including a doctor, a photographer, and even a sign language interpreter. Let's just say I've had a number of interests over the past few years, and my indecisive nature never really made things easy on me as I began choosing the path for my future.

Since I couldn't decide what I wanted to do career-wise, I chose to go to college as an undecided major. However, at the time I really felt like I should go ahead and take my pre-med biology course just in case I decided to be a doctor. I didn't want to get behind if I did choose to follow the pre-med route, but it wouldn't hurt me if I chose to go another direction. So it all worked out for my first semester.

It worked out until the day that I saw that I didn't have an A in the class. I freaked out. If you know me, you know I'm an overachiever and often a perfectionist. Not to mention the fact that science classes had always been my best classes, so I was not happy with myself at all. I decided then and there that the pre-med route just wasn't for me.

My mom tried to explain to me over and over that it was only my freshman year, that I was adjusting, and that I was taking a really difficult course. And to be honest, she was right with every point she made, but it just wasn't good enough for me because I knew that I wasn't doing "the best."

Mom kept trying to get me to reevaluate my decision and keep going with it because she felt that I was basing my decision on the wrong factors. She never cared what I studied, but she didn't want me giving up on something I wanted. I didn't care, so I stubbornly ignored her counsel.

Well, over my break I ended up having to go to the doctor. I just got some medicines and left thinking everything was going to be fine. However, the next day I had gotten worse, and it was clear that I needed to go back. Mom called the doctor's office and squeezed me in, and I was able to see a different doctor from the day before. It was all a part of God's plan obviously.

So, I went to see this new doctor, and he knew exactly what was wrong. He immediately sent me to get a CT scan and ultimately prevented me from having an infection that could have spread to my brain and caused meningitis. (Of course that was a "Thank you, God" moment, but it wasn't even the best part).

God spoke to me that day through that doctor. My doctor didn't just keep me from getting sicker, or prevent my family from spending countless dollars in medical bills. He gave me some of the best advice I have ever received.

My mom asked the doctor to explain to me that it was okay to not have an A in a pre-med class, especially my first semester. I rolled my eyes at her as she explained my scenario to him and felt my face getting red, but in a few short moments I was blown away with his response.

He didn't just give me the cliche advice that I had been repeatedly hearing about it being my freshman year or that it was just a really hard course. He didn't tell me to stick with the pre-med classes either. He gave me advice that impacted my life spiritually.

He explained to me the importance of praying about what God wants for my future. He explained to me the importance of trusting that God would pave the path that I need to take. He then explained to me that I'm really never going to be satisfied with anything unless it was a part of God's plan. He was right. If God called me to be a teacher but I chose to be a doctor, I would never be happy. If God called me to be a nurse but I chose to be a photographer, I would never be happy. It all kind of started making sense to me.

His advice didn't make any decisions for me, but it's definitely adjusted my prayer walk. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up or what I want to study these next few years, but I know that whatever it is, God's already paving the road for me. I just need to pray, look up, and stop looking ahead.

Who Am I?

Who am I? 

A question I find myself asking quite often

Am I defined by my achievements or my failures? Am I defined by how I view myself, or am I defined by how other people label me? Am I just another college student, friend, and daughter in the world, or am I more than that? Am I the mistakes that I have made or the aspirations I have? Am I the sum of each of these things, or am I none of these things?

Who am I?

When I open my Bible, I find my true identity.

I am loved. 1 John 4:10
I am redeemed and forgiven. Colossians 1:14
I am God's masterpiece. Ephesians 2:10
I am chosen to bear fruit. John 15:16
I am a citizen of Heaven. Philippians 3:20
I am holy and blameless. Ephesians 1:4
I am never alone. Hebrews 13:5
I am Christ's ambassador. 2 Corinthians 5:20
I am a salt and light of the world. Matthew 5:13-14
I am victorious. 1 John 5:4
I am chosen to be loved. Colossians 3:12
I am born again. 1 Peter 1:23
I am a child of God. John 1:12

Satan is and always will be a liar. He is the master of deception, and he attacks us constantly with doubts and lies about our identities. We are often told we are worthless, unloved, and unforgivable, but God's Word tells us otherwise. It is our choice to listen to the lies of the enemy or to replace those lies with the Truths we can find in God's Word. Our lives reflect the thoughts we keep about ourselves. So when we continually feed our minds with negative thoughts and lies, our lives will produce fruits of the sinful nature. However when we feed our minds with God's Truth, our lives reflect the life that Jesus died to give us, and we produce fruits of the Spirit.

You are more than the lies of this world, and you are more than the sum of your mistakes and failures. You are MORE because You are LOVED by the King of Kings and your Heavenly Father. So today I encourage you to start feeding your mind with Truths found in God's Word and to start ignoring the lies of the enemy.

My Candy Crush Addiction

Someone once told me something along the lines of "When you can't sleep, don't count sheep; talk to the Shepherd." Okay, I probably butchered that quote, but you get the idea, right?

Well, I've gotten into a slump of not being able to sleep at night. Normally, you would be lucky to see me past nine, yet here I am writing another midnight blog post. That's all beside the point though. My point is that through these sleepless nights, I haven't been talking to my Shepherd. To be honest, I haven't even been counting sheep... I've been playing Candy Crush. (Embarrassing, I know)

As embarrassed as I am, I have a feeling that a couple of you can relate to my Candy Crush addiction. Now let's just see if you can relate to the frustrations that come with my addiction... I have been stuck on a stinking level for who knows how long. It's so frustrating. Seriously, nothing is more annoying than running out of moves when you are seriously only two more moves away from winning, but back to the point... I have failed on level 103 at least fifty times. You think I'm kidding, but I'm not. 

Well tonight I decided I would take a break from Candy Crush and instead talk to my Shepherd.

In the middle of my praying two things happened... 

1. I decided that I would never again play Candy Crush when I can't sleep because praying for longer than usual is seriously is way better. If you don't believe me, just try it!

2. I realized that Candy Crush actually taught me a lesson. Well, it didn't really "teach" me a lesson, but it reminded me of one. 

I'm sure you're thinking I have lost it for thinking about Candy Crush during my prayer time, but bear with me. So you know how I told you that I have failed at level 103 around fifty times, and I told you how frustrated it makes me? Well the thing is, each time I fail I can push play again and a new board is made available for me to play on. All of my failures are wiped away, and they have no effect on my new game. It's pretty similar to the way God handles all of my failures. (The ones a lot bigger than my inability to match candies together.) When I confess my sins to God, I am made clean again. My "board" is made new. I do not have to dwell on my failures because my sins have been washed away by the precious blood of Christ. He forgives me, and He washes me clean as snow.

Struggling with Sin

Over the past few years I have had numerous believers come to me and tell me the sins that they are struggling with in hopes of seeking advice and/or prayer. In fact, I have even gone to other believers seeking prayer and counsel on the sins I struggle with. We tell each other our struggles with sin because that's what we are suppose to do, right?

The thing is.. I think some of us overuse the word "struggle" way too much. If you look up the word struggle in the dictionary it says "to make forceful or violent efforts to get free of restraint or constriction." Okay, well sin is definitely a restraint and constriction on our lives, but are we really struggling from it? Are we actually making a forceful or violent effort to become free of our sins, or are we merely claiming that we are struggling and continuing to live in our own sinful habits?

After telling others, "Hey, I'm really struggling with _______." we feel relief because we think we have justified living in our sin because others know that we are "struggling" with it. If someone catches us in our sin after admitting our struggles we think it's okay because we can then say "well I told you it was something I'm struggling with." 

Start thinking about your so-called "struggles" and really evaluate your life. Are you honestly struggling with your sins, or are you really wanting to be made clean, just not yet. Are you wanting to be made good, just not entirely. I'm sure no one would honestly pray, "Lord make my heart clean, but wait until after I commit this sin again." That's just absurd, but we definitely live our lives that way a lot of the time.

I guess in a sense this post is mostly just an eyeopener, however I also want to challenge you to really start dealing with your sins. Seriously, if you're going to call your sin a struggle, then start making every effort to stop committing it. If that means to walk away from your best friends when they are gossiping, then do it! If it means to have your computer taken from your room, then do it! The choice to stop sinning is yours. You have the power of Christ in you to help you resist temptations and make whatever changes in your life that you need to make. So, take advantage of that, and live in the light of The Lord. Remember, you are not alone. 

I want you to know that I am praying for those of you reading this. I honestly am. I am praying that you find your strength in Christ to fight against your sins, and I am praying that you will not be discouraged by your sins and instead continue fighting against them. I know sin can hold a strong grip on your life at times, but your God is stronger. 

It's that time of the year

It's that time of the year again, and no I'm not talking about the Christmas season. It's time for the Victoria Secret Fashion Show.

What is the purpose of the Victoria Secret Fashion Show, anyway? I'm sure many would argue it is for marketing purposes, but let's just be honest... are you really interested in purchasing that 10 million dollar bra? And even if the sole purpose of the show is for marketing reasons, is that the honest reason you will be watching tonight? I honestly can't tell you what the purpose is, but I think you should at least think about what you are getting yourself into before indulging yourself into a big pile of self pity because that's normally what you'll end up in.

Today I have read countless tweets and posts on Facebook about the excitement for tonight's fashion show, but the sad thing is... in a few hours the mood is going to completely shift. It happens every year. Girls begin posting negative things about themselves on social media, and they diminish their own self worth for the entire world to see, all the while talking about how "sexy" the VS angels are. No telling the numerous negative thoughts about their own worth that they keep to themselves. Honestly, some of the posts that I read genuinely concern me. I will say some of the posts are just lighthearted comments and over dramatized jokes trying to get attention; however, it really does break my heart because with the new year just around the corner, I know that many girls are secretly making resolutions to become just like these models. The sad part is, I know that these girls will go to any lengths to achieve their goals.

Just search Twitter if you don't believe me.. That's what I did.

"Currently feeling suicidal because I'm not a Victoria Secret model"
"Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels #VSfashionshow"
"Wishing I ate less and threw up more"
"RIP self esteem"
"Skipping all of my meals today in honor of the VS fashion show"

You get the idea, right?

I'm not sitting here trying to condemn Victoria Secret or even the girls who choose to watch the fashion show tonight. I just want to share my heart on the matter...

I use to struggle with comparison a lot. Whether it was someone I personally knew or a celebrity, I would find myself comparing my looks, circumstances, and my life to theirs. It became an unhealthy "habit" I formed which ultimately just resulted in a bunch of jealousy and unsatisfaction with myself. We all deal with comparison at some point in our lives (some more than others), and if you say you've never compared yourself to anyone else before, you're lying.

I guess in a sense that's why my heart hurts so deeply for the girls who compare themselves to these models, because I've been there. I have sat in self pity night after night because of comparison before. I know the damage it can do to ones self. I know the pain it can cause, and I know how much it takes to walk confidently again. However, I also now know that there is a way out of it, and that is through Christ. I have come to the realization that I am more than the sum of my appearance, my mistakes, or my circumstances. I am more because I am a daughter of The King.  I am more because I was created in the image of God. I am more because I was bought with the precious blood of Christ, and let me tell you; YOU are more too!

Tonight, I just ask that if you choose to watch the Victoria Secret Fashion Show, don't sit there and compare yourself to the models. Don't allow your self esteem and self worth to be destroyed by a fashion show on TV. Don't make resolutions to be someone your not. Simply be yourself and the person God created you to be. And for those who are not watching tonight, I ask that you please pray with me for the girls who are hurting because of their distorted views of themselves. Pray that they will soon find peace in knowing that they are worthy and beautiful because they are daughters of The King.