Appreciating the Season You're In

Here recently I've been really caught up in the future, and by that I mean it's literally all I think about. I think about graduating college, getting engaged, getting married, buying a house, raising kids, and so on and so forth.

What's the harm in a little dreaming here and there? Probably none.

But for me, these dreams haven't been "here and there," they've been consuming my every thought. 

I'm rushing through each season of my life just to get to the next one as fast as I can. It's seemingly never ending, because I always have something else to anticipate; a lot like how in the fall how you can't stop dreaming about a white Christmas or how in the spring you begin making your summer plans to the beach, but before you know it... that season is gone, and it is on to the next. 

As you dream of the next season, you forget to enjoy the one that you're in. You miss the colors of the leaves changing, and you miss spring's beautiful blossoms in your garden.

I do the same thing with my life. I waste the away the season I'm in because I'm so busy dreaming of the next one. 

The other day at work my sweet boss reminded me of how precious each season of our life really is, and that once it's gone, it's gone, and we won't ever get it back. (How thankful I am for such a Godly boss to remind me of such an important lesson in life!)

It got me to thinking, I have to take advantage of each day that I have while I have it so that The Lord can fully shape me into who I need to be for the next one. And not only that, but as I'm in each season of life, I'm also in my own mission field that I need to focus on.

I'm not going to get my college years back, nor will I have the opportunity to witness to my friends and classmates so easily again. And is sharing the Gospel not the real purpose of my life here on earth anyway? 

As I'm selfishly wasting away my days dreaming of tomorrow, I'm also passing up opportunities to further The Lord's Kingdom.

I'm in each period of life for a reason, and I want God to use me in ways that only He can.

My prayer is that I will stop wasting away these precious seasons of life that God has blessed me with and that I will fully hand them over to Him so that He can shape me, mold me, and use me for His glory.

"For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven." Ecclesiastes 3:1

God's Voice

I went to a few of my friends here recently and asked them, "What's the key to any healthy relationship?"

You want to know what each and every single one of them responded with?

"Communication."

I think generally everyone can agree that active communication is vital in all relationships, whether it be with a romantic interest, a parent, or a college roommate. And quite frankly, I think the same goes for our relationship with The Lord as well.

So often I hear people saying that their relationship with Christ is very one sided. They pray, pray, pray, but never hear back from God.

If you're anything like me, "hearing God's voice" or "Does God still speak to us?" has been in your google search history at some point in time because let's be honest, we get really frustrated and feel incredibly disheartened the very moment when we don't feel God near or when we feel like God is not speaking to us immediately upon our request.

We know that God is our Friend and our Father, so just think about that for a second.

What if your best friend decided to never speak to you again but still wanted to be your friend? Would you really consider that a good friendship? What if you encountered a dad that has never even spoke to his daughter? Would you consider him to be a good father? I think we can safely say that the answer would be no to both of those questions.

So why is it that we think God (our perfect Friend and Father) does not communicate with us?

I also hear people saying that think God can only speak to them through the Bible. It's ironic, because Scripture tells us quite the opposite. I do believe that God primarily uses the Scriptures to speak to us, but I do not think that it is His only way of communicating with His children.

Read the stories in the Bible. Look at Moses, Abraham, Hagar, David, Ananias, and the many others God spoke to in the Bible. The list can go on and on.

I'm sure many of you are thinking, "Well, yeah but that was then. This is now." Yeah, you're right, but why would God give us these beautiful and hope-instilling stories in His Word and then say, "I don't talk to my children that way anymore."

To claim that God does not speak to His children like that anymore is simply unbiblical.

The Bible clearly calls us The Lord's sheep, and it names Jesus Christ as our Shepherd. Numerous times we are told that the only way to follow the Shepherd is to hear His voice.

Listen for His voice today. Ask The Lord to speak to you in new ways and to teach you to listen for His "still small voice" because He DOES speak to us if we choose to hear Him.

For the Lonely Hearts

The pain of loneliness is one that I know all to well, and sadly, I'm well aware that I'm not the only one who is well acquainted with this pain. Loneliness is a battle that all of us face at some point ––– some more than others.

I'm not usually quick to recover from these seasons of loneliness either, so I often beat myself up over it for quite some time.

"If only you were more outgoing..."
"Why can't you keep the interest of your friends?" 
"No one likes you because ______."
"You just need to get over your fears and meet new people."

... and so on and so forth, ultimately leading into a constant state of "I'm just not good enough." (Which I've come to realize are all LIES that the enemy tries to convince me of)

I've opened up to people about my loneliness before and the response is always the same, "But you know so many people???" 

They're right. I know a lot of people, but the truth is, I don't feel known by hardly anyone. I often feel out of place and unwanted in nearly every place I go. In fact, I'm often the loneliest when I'm in a big group of people.

I will spend my days and nights praying for a friend, and God often immediately answers my heartaches by providing me someone to connect with during that season of loneliness. However, as time passes and life goes on, most of these friendships end up dwindling away; then naturally, the feelings of inadequacy would rise again in my life. "Why does everyone always walk away from me? Why am I not good enough?"

Don't get me wrong, I have a few really great friends that have managed to stick around with me for quite some time, and my mom is always super cool. (Hey mom ;) I know you're reading this) I love and value these relationships because I know they are simply a mere reflection of the vast amount of love Christ has for me. But sometimes these seasons of loneliness just creep up in my life and try to get the best of me.

On one hand I am so unworthy of the love of others, but on the other, I am loved and worthy of that love because Christ has declared me His daughter. It's taking time, but I am learning that my identity is not found in those who stay or walk away. My identity is found in Christ alone.

If you are feeling lonely today, I encourage you to express those feelings of loneliness to Jesus right now. He understands because He experienced the ultimate abandonment on the cross in order to express His love for YOU.

Invite His love to permeate every piece of your weary heart because He does understand, and He does want to comfort you. Then ask Him to take your ugly loneliness and turn it into something beautiful, something that is honoring to Him. Offer your loneliness to Him as an act of worship, fully depending on Him to satisfy your heart.

He is a father to the fatherless, a friend to the friendless, and our ultimate source of love and hope.

Take the Time to Rest

As I looked around my dorm room earlier I saw a mountain of assignments that needed to be done, a suitcase that needed to be unpacked, a couple loads of laundry that needed to be washed and put away, a phone lit up with 7 text messages and 2 phone calls that needed to be responded to, a list of people that I needed to meet with later in the afternoon, bible study material that needed to be looked over, and countless other things that were begging for my time and my attention.

All the while, I felt the Spirit knocking at my heart... "Erin, it's time to rest. I know what you have to do today, but I also know what you need to even accomplish those things."

So that's what I did...

I rested on His promises and on His Word. I rested in His peace, His love, His understanding, and His sovereignty. I rested in the gift of time that He graciously gave me to simply sit in His presence and renew my mind, body, and spirit.

I rested. 

I'll be honest, the first few minutes of my "resting" weren't actually resting. Rather, my mind was entangled with the many thoughts trying to convince me that I was seemingly wasting my time doing something that I didn't necessarily have time for in the first place.

"I've already had my quiet time, God. I don't have time to rest with you right now."

However, I was quickly reminded who the Author of time truly is, and I was able to sit back in peace and accept the beautiful gift of rest that He so graciously was giving to me.

_______________________________________________________

How often are you like I was today?

Overwhelmed and busy

How often do you feel convinced that you don't even have time to spend with the Author of time Himself?

Let me just encourage you to PRESS PAUSE.

Seriously pause and take a break from the chaos of life and simply spend time with your Heavenly Father.

If you're a wannabe superwoman (or superman) like me, you might think that taking a break from the busyness is a sign of weakness or laziness, but I think that's far from the truth.

Take a look at Jesus: the man who had greater things to do than you and I will ever have on our agendas, yet He still took breaks. Those breaks didn't come when He was at His breaking point, overwhelmed and tired by His relentless to-do list. Rather, those breaks were a part of His daily routine.

At different times of the day (early morning, the middle of day, late at night) He would get alone to spend time with God and renew His spirit....

Even when crowds gathered to listen to Him speak and see His miracles He would withdraw to lonely places to pray (Luke 5:15-16)

Sometimes He would spend the whole night pouring His heart out before God on a mountain (Luke 6:12)

Early in the morning before the sun would rise and the world would wake He got up and went to a solitary place to be with God (Mark 1:35).

He didn't let his todo list, friends, or other things/people get in the way of those breaks either. Even when a crowd of people were begging for his attention, He chose to still follow through with His daily routine of resting in the Father.

Resting is not a sign of weakness or even a display of laziness; it is a sign of strength. 

In order to fulfill God's will for our lives, we have to be empowered by Him. How can we do that without resting and spending time in His presence?

We are told countless times in the Bible to go The Lord, to cast our cares on Him, to lay our burdens at His feet, to be refreshed and strengthened by Him, and to spend time alone with Him.

Stop running on empty. Stop looking at your todo list and convincing yourself you don't have time to get alone with God.

Take a minute (or thirty) and rest in His love.

Be renewed and refreshed, not just today, but everyday.

Believe me, it's worth it. 

“But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.” -Matthew 6:6

People Pleasing is Idolatry

Hi, my name is Erin Pentecost, and I am a recovering people pleaser. 

I have spent nearly my whole life trying to make other people happy, and let me tell you... it's exhausting.

Well to make a long story short, the other day I was reading in Galatians and there was a part that really stuck out to me; it says, "If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ's servant." (Galatians 1:10)

As I let Paul's words soak in for while, I started to recognize how much of my life is consumed by "people pleasing," and after awhile I really started to be convicted about how much I do to make other people happy with me.

I'm sure you're thinking, "What's the big deal about making others happy?" I can imagine you sitting there thinking that or something along the same line because I too have thought the same things before about myself. Recently, however, God has really been revealing things in my life that I've been doing which have made winning the approval of man really stick out to be an idol in my life.

• Being overly critical of myself
• Continually being fearful of any risks or possibilities of being "wrong" 
• Thriving on praise/appreciation from others
• Over apologizing for unnecessary things 
• Saying "yes" to things that I don't want to do
• Constantly being fearful of what others may think if I don't always seem "perfect" 
• Rarely asking for help with things in my own life 

And to be completely honest, that list is only scratching the surface of things God has been revealing to me about my people pleasing attributes. 

For so long I have tried to convince myself that my motives for pleasing others were pure. I mean, let's be honest, continually trying to please EVERYONE sounds pretty selfless and awesome, right? 

Wrong. 

People pleasing was and always has been a form of idolatry in my life. Why? Because I continually chose to put the wants, needs, opinions, and approval of man before God. I was not being Christ's servant.

I allowed others to seemingly control me rather that allowing God to truly be sovereign over my life. I was more fearful of the opinion of man rather than fearing God in a healthy and proper way. I was not being Christ's servant. 

I had very poor stewardship because I often would spread myself too thin or have intentions of good things without ever being able to completely follow through for various reasons. I was not being Christ's servant. 

My motives were based on fear of rejection, fear of making others mad/upset, fear of disappointment, etc. My motives were not based on love. I was not being Christ's servant. 

And the list could go on... No matter how "good" some of the things I would do were, I was never doing them as a true servant of Christ because of the way I had allowed people pleasing to become such an idol in my life. Continually I would find myself burned out, exhausted, and sometimes even a little bitter because of my people pleasing attributes. I can try to twist things all day long and tell you that everything that I did was out of love, but that wouldn't be true. Love pursues authenticity, not a sense of acceptance from others. 

As I share my heart with you about this and openly share about some of these things that God has been revealing in my life, I can't help but think that maybe some of you reading this are or have been struggling in this area of your life. Maybe you have been struggling with people pleasing for awhile now and your eyes are just now being opened to the way it can become such an idol in your life despite your often "good" intentions. Well, I would like to give you some hope and a sense of direction.

Rip the idol out from its roots and dig into Scripture. Start basing your worth and approval off of the Truths in God's Word rather than on the opinion of man. Understand that God must become MORE in your life while you must become LESS. Stop allowing the acceptance of man be such a priority in your life... Take the time to soak in the fact that God completely and fully accepts you as you are, no strings attached. The prison of constantly pleasing other people is miserable and exhausting, but the joy that comes from making God FIRST in your life and then being able to serve others through His strength and power is indescribable!

There's nothing wrong with doing things for other people (according to Philippians 2, we are to have a Christ like attitude by acknowledging and respecting the interests of others), but there is a big difference in doing things for others as a servant of Christ and as someone who simply wants to seek acceptance by trying to please everyone. You have to allow your acceptance come from God first. Take a minute to sit back in God's presence and just let Him love you and accept you for who you are. Receive His love first so that you can truly and purely love others. 

I started this post by saying I am a RECOVERING people pleaser. There's a good chance that if you invited me to go to lunch for mexican and I wanted pizza, I would be eating chips and salsa. But I have been learning the importance of rest, the importance of saying "no" when I need to, that God's love for me is not based on how much I do for others, and that putting my relationship with The Lord FIRST at all times is the only way I can truly be a servant of Christ which is ultimately the best thing I can do for myself and for others. And let me tell you, it's been a beautiful journey of recovery so far.

So do you want to grab some pizza? ;)

His Will, Not Mine

I like to keep journals. In fact, I love to keep journals... especially the ones where I try my best to document what God is doing in my life at the time.

It's always interesting to pick up an old notebook and read what all I've written in the past. There's pages covered in both tears of joy and pain from the times that I've poured my heart out to The Lord using an ink pen and a couple of tattered pages in old journal.

I actually decided to do that last night. I picked up an old prayer journal, and I chose to flip through the pages and simply just skim over what was going on in my life a little over a year ago.

As I flipped through the pages, I noticed time and time again where I would seemingly beg God to do things my way... not necessarily in a demanding sense, but I recognized the urgency I had for things to align with what I wanted rather than simply praying for God's will to be done through my situations.

I couldn't help but laugh at myself as I read some of the things that I had prayed for. The hopes and dreams that I had at the time weren't necessarily "bad," but I just can't seem to even imagine where I would be in life if I had actually received the things I had wanted. Good thing God is sovereign, and I am not.

I write this because I vividly remember some of the disappointment that I faced when things didn't add up in my life at the time. I remember foolishly thinking that God was never going to bring me out of my situation or show me where to go since I clearly wasn't going where I had anticipated to go with my life.

I wish I could write to my past self and encourage my young heart that things were, in fact, going to be completely okay in the end... it would have saved me a lot of tears and confusion, I'm sure. However, sadly, I can't do that, but hopefully I can encourage you.

I can completely and honestly tell you that my hopes, plans, and dreams were nothing compared to what God has been doing in my life here recently... they are FAR better. (I mean duh.. why wouldn't they be? He has our very best interests in mind)

But since I am being honest, it hasn't all been easy. I mean, let's be real, when is it ever easy to turn your back on your own plans and start heading towards something completely different from what you had always imagined? While there are many specific things that I am thankful for because they haven't gone as I had originally hoped... there are also things that still do not make sense to me, but I know that God has it under control.

If I could give one piece of advice... it would be to trust The Lord. Like seriously... TRUST HIM. His ways, His plans, His love, His Word, His promises, His faithfulness, His goodness...

Trust Him through the times where things are clear and then again when things are confusing, and release the outcomes into His hands because He truly does have your best interests in mind, even when you don't have an understanding of the situation. All the while, develop a patient attitude alongside your trust. Patience just seems to go hand in hand with trust, something I quickly learned.

It's okay to have hopes, dreams, and plans for a future, but always be receptive of what The Lord is prompting your heart for, even when it doesn't align with your own plans. If He answers your prayers with a "no" or simply redirects your path, choose to follow Him anyway. Let His will be done and not your own; only then will you be able to live an abundant life.

Moving Forward From Sin

I feel like there's a time in everyone's life when we truly just regret something that we have done in the past. Have you ever been there? Are you there now, just beating yourself up over something that you did or something that you said?

After sitting in regret for a little while, normally the guilt turns into self condemnation, and Satan loves that. But according to Scripture, there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ (Romans 8:1) Sadly, a lot of us don't always remember that when faced with feelings of oppression.

Sure, we mess up. We sin. We fall short. But we also have a Father who loves us and willingly forgives us when we ask. We have to acknowledge our conviction, repent, ask for forgiveness, but then we have to move forward.

Satan so often traps us in guilt and condemnation when we choose to stay focused on our mistakes and our pasts. He thrives when we get caught up in shame and become focused on our pasts because he knows that there's no possible way to truly follow Christ with our heads turned behind us.

Think about it... You can't walk a straight line with your head turned around, can you? So what makes you think that you can keep your eyes on Christ and follow Him wholeheartedly while you're stuck in the past?

You don't have to wallow in self pity or condemnation after you've repented from your sins. When you find yourself with your head hung low in shame, remind yourself that your Father is not giving you those feelings of oppression. You have the power to get rid of those feelings; read scripture, pray, and choose to believe the way God truly views you and your situation. He loves you. He treasures you. And He forgives you.

Praying For Others

A few weeks ago I was having a conversation with a friend, and she ended up telling me a few prayer requests. I absolutely love to pray, especially for other people, so naturally I responded with, "Of course I'll be praying for you!!"

I had every intention of praying for her, believe me, but somewhere along the busyness of my day, I simply forgot. It wasn't until I saw her again that I remembered I had forgotten to do something I had promised to do.

I lied. And of all things, I lied about something sacred and holy. My heart sunk, and from this post, I'm sure you can tell I have been very convicted about my sin.

I feel like this is something we do often as Christians. By no means do I think that any of us intentionally lie about praying for others, but I do think that we toss around the phrase "I'm praying for you." as if it's something we take lightly, which is why I'm writing this post.

Prayer is far from something that we can just take lightly. I read a quote on the National Day of Prayer website that says the following, "Prayer has subdued the strength of fire. It has bridled the rage of lions, hushed anarchy to rest, extinguished wars, appeased the elements, burst the chains of death, expanded the fates of heaven, assuaged diseases, dispelled frauds, rescued cities from destruction, staid the sun in its course, and arrested the progress of the thunderbolt. In this communion with God, there is an all-sufficient panoply, a treasure undiminished, a mine that is never exhausted, a sky unobscured by clouds, a heaven unruffled by the storm. It is the root, the fountain, the mother of a thousand blessings!" And to think, we take something that powerful, that beautiful, and that astounding and simply just forget to do it, even when we promise others that we will. 

Honestly, I don't really have a "solution" for the problem, we are all forgetful beings and sometimes we don't really think about our words and our actions very thoroughly. But I have definitely been taking steps towards staying accountable in my prayer walk, which I wanted to share with you guys!

1. When someone asks you to pray for them (especially in person) just pray for them right then and there. It's so encouraging knowing someone is praying for you, so why not lift them up in the moment by praying over them while they're there? 
2. Be honest with people. Sounds simple, right? But really, only take on the responsibility of praying for someone if you know that you can handle it. Don't promise more than you can or will do.
3. Write prayer requests down! I don't always have pen and paper with me, but I generally always have my phone. (I finally found a use for the Notes app!) Then just simply go to your notes daily and get a quick refresher on those prayer requests of the day! 
4. Focus more on your own personal prayer and quiet time. Take time out of your day to be diligent and focused on The Lord, and start to ask Him to remind you to pray for those that you say you will be praying for. 

Prayer has become something that we offer rather than we do. And today by writing this post, I just wanted to challenge you to take the same steps I have been taking towards being more accountable in your prayer walk. Let's stop with the empty statement "I will pray for you." and start taking the responsibility of following through with what we say we will do. 

God loves YOU.

Jesus loves me! This I know,

1. For the Bible tells me so;
   Little ones to Him belong;
   They are weak, but He is strong.
   
   
   Yes, Jesus loves me!
   Yes, Jesus loves me!
   Yes, Jesus loves me!
   The Bible tells me so.
   
   
   If you're anything like me, you grew up singing that song. And over the years, as you've grown up, you've memorized countless scriptures on the love God has for you. 
   
   
   So over time you've come to know for a fact that God loves you; it's written all throughout Scripture, but do you believe it?
   
   
   I find myself loving God easily and believing His love for me when things are going smoothly, when everything in life just seems to be going good. 
   
   
   But when life knocks me down and I'm lost and confused at a dead end in my life, it's just a little harder for me to sing that song and believe that God loves me.
   
   
   I'm just being honest with you guys, and hopefully you can relate.
   
   
   So today I chose to go through some of the people in the Bible who I think must have been confused, lost, and at a dead end in their life, and I wanted to see how they handled things.
   
   
   I started with Hannah. For YEARS, Hannah was taunted and teased for being unable to conceive a child. She was teased to such an extent that it burdened her so badly that she would be unable to eat and do nothing but cry. 
   
   
   I then remembered Abraham. He was promised that he would be the father of nations, but his wife could not bear children for him. They took matters into their owns hands and their servant, Hagar, had Ishmael, yet God still blessed Sarah and Abraham with their own son later down the road. Isaac was born, exactly as God had promised. However, after some time later, God asked Abraham to take Isaac, the son he was blessed with and dearly loved, to the land of Moriah and SACRIFICE him.
   
   
   Lastly, I went to Job. Job lost EVERYTHING. And after he was faced with the tremendous grief of losing ALL of his animals, servants, and children, he was then struck with a disease that covered his entire body with boils. 
   
   
   We know the ending of each of their stories, and we see how God came through for them. It's comforting because we see so how God cares for His people and how He has things in His control.
   
   
   The thing about it though, just because we now know the ending of their stories, they did not. Hannah did not know that God would answer her prayers and give her a son. Abraham did not know that God would stop him right before he killed his own son as a sacrifice. And Job did not know that God would bless him with twice as much as he had before. 
   
   
   That's where we need to learn a lesson. 
   
   
   They had no idea the outcomes of their stories while they were in the midst of their trials in life (just as we have no idea what ours are) yet they remained faithful to The Lord and they trusted and believed that God loved them through it all. 
   
   
   God loved Hannah. God loved Abraham. God loved Job. And God loves YOU. 
   
   
   When you're facing a trial in your life, remain confident in The Lord even when life gives you every reason to doubt Him. God will come through just as He did for Hannah, Abraham, and Job, and one day you'll be able to share your story of The Lord's faithfulness for others too.  
   
   
   
   

A Battle For Your Heart

I recently read the book called Waking the Dead by John Eldredge, and let me tell you... if you haven't read it, go get it now and start reading. I finished the book a couple of weeks ago, and I am actually planning on rereading it when I finish the busyness of this semester; it's that good.

However, for those of you who haven't read it yet, I want to share a little bit of what I learned, and I also want to share a little passage from the book with you guys:

"If Jesus said the thief comes to steal and kill and destroy, well, then, why don't we think the thief ever actually comes to steal and kill and destroy? Good grief—the things people just roll over and accept as "God's will." The house was just the move to steal; the Enemy wanted to kill our hearts and destroy our faith and all that flows from it. I think that's nearly always true. The particular attack is not the issue; he'll steal anything to kill and destroy. 

During an assault like that you must remember: make no agreements. The Enemy will suggest all sorts of things. You see—God doesn't care. You're not worth fighting for. Your heart doesn't matter. You can't trust Him. He is trying to kill your heart, destroy the glory of your life. It will feel hard—really hard, almost impossible—but whatever you do, make no agreements. You have to start there."

-Waking the Dead, 156

That first line gets me every time. 

Jesus clearly told us in John 10 that the enemy's sole purpose is to attack us, steal from us, and ultimately destroy us. How naive we are to completely ignore what He clearly warned us of and act as if we are above (or maybe even below) the line of the enemy's attacks. 

Okay, so maybe you're getting the picture now, like I did. The enemy desperately wants to attack my life, specifically my heart.... but why???

Why? Because YOU are an image bearer of The Lord (Genesis 1:27). Of course the enemy wants to attack you, he hates that we bear the image of Christ. The enemy wants to do anything and everything to harm and ruin the lives of those who bear the image of God, to steal and kill and destroy them. 

Your life isn't going to and never will make sense until you come to terms with the fact that "the story of your life is the story of the long and brutal assault on your heart by the one who knows what you could be and fears it" (Waking the Dead, 149). 

Did you just read that??? The enemy KNOWS what you could be and he FEARS it. 

Satan along with the other fallen angels only have a short time here on earth to attack us, to steal from us, and to destroy us, and they are angry (Revelation 12:12). So why is it that we still live our lives in ignorance of these attacks in our lives—on our hearts. 

Wake up, people. 

I say that because that's what I have to tell myself every day.

"Wake up, Erin. Acknowledge these attacks on your life, and fight." 

The enemy of our soul is going to take every victory in our lives that he can get, no matter how small. Those thoughts of weakness, ugliness, or pride? Those aren't from your Father, so where do you think you got them? 

We just accept those little lies in our heads like they're nothing, and that scares me. It scares me because I've been there. I've accepted lie after lie after lie. I've been a slave to my own thoughts, captive to the thoughts that the enemy so desperately wanted me to keep. 

Another line in Waking the Dead that was a big eye opener for me says this, "Any movement toward God or others, will be opposed. Marriage, friendship, beauty, rest—the thief wants it all" (154).

Why do we let the enemy keep us pinned down then? Why do we just stop when we face opposition in our lives? Why don't we wake up and acknowledge the war that we are in the midst of? 

Go read Ephesians 6. 

This is not a war between flesh-and-blood enemies; we are at a war against the strategies of the devil, and it's time to put on the full armor of God and live our lives accordingly. 

Let me tell you, it's not going to be easy. In fact, I bet it's going to get a lot worse before it gets any better. Satan is going to try harder and harder when he realizes that you are finally going to start resisting his attacks on your life. He's scared of you. 

But don't lose hope. Keep your eyes on The Lord. Take up your shield, pick up your sword, and fight, for you are a treasure and warrior of the Kingdom. 

God's Diamonds

Diamonds are beautiful, aren't they?

I surely think so, but maybe that's just my girly side.

But really, diamonds are one of my favorite gemstones, and it's not because I have an expensive taste. Rather, it's because of the way that they are formed and still turn out so incredibly beautiful.

Diamonds are formed deep within the Earth (around 100 miles below the surface). So, if you know anything about science, you know it's hot down there, not to mention all of the weight and pressure of the overlying rock bearing down on the forming diamond. However, over time, the diamond is pushed up to the surface, and there we have it... the strongest and one of the most precious gemstones created. Pretty amazing, huh?

With that being said, I really appreciate the beauty of a diamond. Now if I, and many others I'm sure, have such an appreciation for the beauty of a diamond, think of the way our Heavenly Father must look at us after going through something difficult in our lives. When we are overwhelmed, beat down, and exhausted by the weight of this world, I imagine Him smiling and saying, "They are going to come out of this so much stronger and more beautiful than before." and that is what we do!

Don't be discouraged when you are facing a difficult time in your life. You will break through the surface soon. You will come out stronger and more beautiful than before, and your Father will look at you and consider you one of His most precious jewels (Malachi 3:17).

Letting God Use You

I started this blog last summer with intentions of sharing the love of Christ and the things that He has done in my life and/or taught me. It took me awhile to realize it, but upon starting this blog, I also placed a HUGE target on my back. I, just as any other servant of The Lord, became a threat to the enemy the day I chose to start following the Lord's promptings on my heart.

I watched time and time again as the enemy would try to deceive me and convince me that I wasn't good enough to be sharing my heart with my friends and family much less people around the world. I watched him try to knock me down and keep me there countless times. I watched him throw arrows at my back over and over and over again, and believe me, it was exhausting. But I kept writing these posts anyway because I knew that I was doing what God wanted from me, until recently that is.

This past month, I could not bring myself to post a single thing that God placed on my heart. Why? Because Satan used something different from any other attack he had used on me before. I didn't face the little fears he would try to throw into my life anymore; I faced an attack on my heart.

Despite the many people who tried to tell me that my heart was being attacked by the enemy, it took me a great deal of time to really understand what was happening. However, little by little last night and today, God began to show me the things in my life that I had been allowing myself to believe.

Over these past few weeks the enemy had convinced me that God was holding out on me and that it was my fault I was going through the things I was and unable to get out. I began to be obsessed with doing what was right, and when I thought I had done everything "right" and still found myself in the same storm, I truly did believe for awhile that God was holding out on me for some reason. I then began to think that my faith was weak, that I didn't trust God as much as I claimed to, and that I was a terrible example for The Kingdom because I was stuck in a storm and unable to get out (as if it was required for me, as a follower of Christ, to live a perfect life with no troubles). How unbiblical the mindset I had was...

God has been teaching me these past 24 hours that He was not and is not holding out on me, and it's not my fault that the storm hasn't passed yet. Instead, He is using me (how humbled I was when I truly realized this). God is using me and my every weakness to bring glory to His name. How? Just like He used Paul, Job, and countless others in the Bible to glorify Himself through their weaknesses and their troubles. My name and my story isn't written in Scripture for all to see, but my story was written by the same Author. The comfort I had when God spoke that to my heart and I really soaked in the truth of it was astounding. Things didn't magically get better, and things didn't really even start to make any sense for me. In fact, I'm still following God down a path with an unknown destination, and I still can't see but one step in front of me at a time. However, I'm starting to take true comfort in not only knowing that God is in control and not going to leave my side, but that He is using me.

I let the enemy convince me for weeks that God wasn't and couldn't use me while I was going through this storm in my life, but He is! The little things God has taught me through everything I've been going through are the things He wants me to share. It doesn't matter that I haven't reached the other side of this storm yet. He's using me even through it, a promise I'm going to have to start clinging to daily. I'm so eager to start pushing away the lies that enemy has been telling me and to start following God's calling for me and writing again.

All this to say, God is using you too! It doesn't matter if you are at a high point in life, a low point in life, or just cruising along; God is using you. Your story has the same Author as Esther, Daniel, and countless others as well. Dwell on that for awhile and think of the things that God has already done in your life, and then sit back and rest in the fact that He will continue doing more amazing things through your life, your story, and your circumstances for the rest of your days.

Finding Light in the Darkness

This is for the one who has lost a loved one. This is for the one who unexpectedly got diagnosed with a life threatening disease. This is for the one with a broken heart. This is for the one who spends night after night in tears. This is for the one who has been rejected, battered, and bruised by countless people. This is for the hurting and the broken. This is for YOU.

..........................

Though I've been through some things that I would never wish upon someone else, I know that somewhere out there there is someone that is going through something similar or even something far worse than I've ever had to deal with.

I wish I could sit here and tell you that I understand your pains when you're hurting and when you feel that you're trapped in the darkness. I wish I could listen to your story of brokenness and tell you that I've been through it and in return help you every step of the way... but I can't do that. However, I can tell you that I know someone who can.

His name is Jesus. 

..........................

When we are left hurting and broken it seems like no one can ever understand our pain. It doesn't matter if they have been through the same things or even claim to understand it, we know deep down that our feelings are really never the same as someone else's. That always seems to be true even when it comes to the most caring people we know and our best of friends; they just don't get it like we do.

That's not true of Jesus.

Believe me when I tell you this; He gets it. 

People always seem to try and comfort me by saying, "Well Jesus walked the same road you're walking. He had it just as hard, and He suffered too." Well to be honest, I don't find that comforting at all in spite of the truth of it. However, what I do find to be comforting is knowing that Jesus suffered for me and died in my place. He didn't end there though; He rose again, and He made a way to end all of my pains, heartaches, and sufferings eternally. He suffered for me, and He saved me through each of His sufferings. And each day as I choose to follow Him, even in the midst of heartache, pain, and brokenness, I become united to the greatest victory ever won, and I grow closer to the one who defeated suffering once and for all. That's where I find my comfort, and you can too.

We hurt here on earth when life just doesn't seem fair, when we lose someone we love, or when we get an unexpected heartbreak; but that hurt is not eternal. It will end. Some pains last longer than others, and some may never end while we are still here. However, our pains will not last for eternity.

Christ went before us and made us a path. He has already shown us the way to see the light and to find joy in the darkness. So take the time to acknowledge your pain, and then let God shape you through it. The things of this world may hurt your heart and crush your spirit, but God restores, supports, and strengthens us through them (1 Peter 5:10).

Nothing here on earth lasts forever, not even your pains; but God's work in you through your pain, that does. 

Dealing With Disappointment

Disappointment.

A word I know all too well.

A word I'm sure many of you are way too familiar with as well. I mean let's be honest, who doesn't get disappointed?

We set so many high expectations for ourselves and for others that we basically set ourselves up for failure time and time again. It's a hard thing to cope with, and it's even harder to overcome.

You and I have so many different disappointments in our lives I'm sure, but regardless of the differences, the pain is equally the same. And even after our best efforts to leave them in our past, they remain lingering in hearts, hurting us time and time again.

Feeling disappointed is a natural feeling we have as humans. I don't believe it to be a sin, and I don't think it's wrong to be disappointed with ourselves or even with other people. However, I do believe that the feelings of bitterness, anger, and depression that often follow our disappointments are the things in our lives that cause us to stumble, and that's why I'm writing this post.

Dealing with disappointment

1. Trust God and His plan for your life. I feel like we hear this so much that we take for granted who we are actually being told to trust. Seriously though... why do we seem to always just brush it off when someone tells us to trust in God, His plan, and His timing?

Our God moves mountains, raises the dead, and heals the sick. He has the power to bless, curse, and save whoever He wishes. He is almighty, He is all-knowing, and He is perfect. Our best interests are always on His mind, and He never lets go of our hands regardless of the numerous times we think we have let go of His.

I'm sitting here begging you to seriously sit back and TRUST GOD. He has you and each of your disappointments in His hand. He knows what He is doing, and His plans for your life are far greater and way bigger than anything you could ever imagine.

"My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts" says the Lord "And my ways are far beyond anything you could ever imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts."
- Isaiah 55:8-9 

2. Pray. I'm sure you expected this one, but seriously sit down and pour out your heart to your Father. It's okay to cry. It's okay to tell Him that you are hurting, confused, and broken. It is okay! He wants you to come to Him and to share your heart with Him.

Your prayers don't have to be perfect by any means. They don't have to use elaborate words and perfect sentences like the church pastor. Just talk to God like He's your best friend. Be honest with Him. Explain to Him why you are hurting and why you have your feelings of confusion and brokenness. Believe me; He wants to comfort you, and He can't wait to give you His peace. You simply must ask.

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed."
 - Psalm 34:18

"Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."
 - Philippians 4:6-7

3. Sit back and wait. I'm not a very patient person, so I have a hard time with this one. However, it is a vital part of the process of dealing with disappointment. God blesses us when we pray and when we wait patiently for Him to answer our prayers. He often blesses us far beyond our expectations when we least expect it. So keep praying and keep trusting. He won't leave you, and He won't forget about you or your feelings.

"Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord." 
- Psalms 27:14

Don't let disappointments have control over your life anymore. They do not define you! Give your disappointments and heartaches over to your Heavenly Father. Let Him mold you and shape you through them. Allow yourself to be so consumed by Him and what He's doing in your life that your disappointments eventually turn into blessings.

Our God can do that for us! And it is beautiful when He does!

Love: believe it or not, it's not about you.

Well it's February, so I thought I should take the opportunity to write about love. Not your cheesy, romantic love that's on just about every commercial this month, but the beautiful and perfect love found in Scripture.

I'm pretty much fascinated by the concept of love. It's one of my favorite topics to talk and write about, and it's something that I hold very dear to my heart. I don't know what about it is so intriguing to me, but it's something that fills my heart with joy when I think about it. I guess it's the fact that God loves me regardless of how I look, what I do, or what I accomplish. He loves me the same each and every day, and my heart is captivated by the love that Christ pours into my life daily even through my shame and my darkest days.

Okay, so now you know my outlook on love and the importance of it in my life. I'm sure you would think that since it's something so dear and true to my heart that I would have mastered loving others, but that's not necessarily the case. So I've made it a point to start focusing on the aspects of love and centralizing my life around its characteristics. What a better month to start than February, huh?

So we've all heard the "Love Chapter," but for me when I think about it I just imagine a couple getting married. I don't know, maybe that's just me... but I always seem to pair those verses with a relationship between a man and a woman, never with the love I need to be pouring into other people's lives.

"Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand it's own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

So I've broken it down for myself and for those of you reading this...

Does this define your attitude?

• patient
• kind
• self-controlled
• gentle
• faithful
• enduring

Or this?

• jealous
• rude
• irritable
• arrogant
• insisting your own way
• rejoicing in the downfalls of others

When I look I those lists I find myself embarrassed. For one who is so intrigued by the concept of love, I feel like I should possess the qualities of it far more than I do. The few aspects of love that I actually do possess don't make up for the rest lost. 

It's important to understand and realize that loving others isn't something that we can do with our own strength. It's something that we can only do with the power of the Holy Spirit in us. Everything on the "or this" list screams "MEEEEEEEEEE!" All of the arrogance, the irritability, jealousy, and rudeness puts attention on ourselves when in fact loving others isn't about us; it's about focusing the attention on Christ and glorifying Him. We so often think that love is when someone makes much of us, but really love is only what makes much of God. 

So I ask you to pray with me and for me that I can grow spiritually and learn to have a deeper and more personal relationship with Christ because I know that's the only way I can learn to love others the way He loves me. And of course, as always, I will be praying for those of you who take on this challenge with me! I'm excited for this, and I hope those of you doing this are too! 

Thanking God For Hardships

So lately I have been really convicted about my tendency to complain. If I were to be really honest with you guys and describe myself in one word today, I'd have to label myself as a complainer. Not exactly what I'd like to be known as, but it definitely describes me a lot of the times, especially today.

I complain about everything whether or not it's in my control, and for whatever reason, I have been dwelling on the negative a lot today. It got me thinking...

When did I decide that I should have a perfect life?

If it wasn't for the hard times, for the struggles, and for the "bad days" I wouldn't be who I am today. Honestly, I don't think I ever even would have recognized my need for a Savior.

So as crazy as it may seem, I spent my afternoon going through every hardship and bad day that crossed my mind and just thanked God for it and the impact it has made on my life. The peace that I experienced after thanking God for my hardships was overwhelmingly comforting.

I challenge you to do the same; thank God for your hardships now or the next time you find yourself dwelling on the negative like I was today. It makes even the worst days and the hardest moments seem beautiful.

Looking Up In Spite Of What's Ahead

Growing up I've wanted to be a number of things including a doctor, a photographer, and even a sign language interpreter. Let's just say I've had a number of interests over the past few years, and my indecisive nature never really made things easy on me as I began choosing the path for my future.

Since I couldn't decide what I wanted to do career-wise, I chose to go to college as an undecided major. However, at the time I really felt like I should go ahead and take my pre-med biology course just in case I decided to be a doctor. I didn't want to get behind if I did choose to follow the pre-med route, but it wouldn't hurt me if I chose to go another direction. So it all worked out for my first semester.

It worked out until the day that I saw that I didn't have an A in the class. I freaked out. If you know me, you know I'm an overachiever and often a perfectionist. Not to mention the fact that science classes had always been my best classes, so I was not happy with myself at all. I decided then and there that the pre-med route just wasn't for me.

My mom tried to explain to me over and over that it was only my freshman year, that I was adjusting, and that I was taking a really difficult course. And to be honest, she was right with every point she made, but it just wasn't good enough for me because I knew that I wasn't doing "the best."

Mom kept trying to get me to reevaluate my decision and keep going with it because she felt that I was basing my decision on the wrong factors. She never cared what I studied, but she didn't want me giving up on something I wanted. I didn't care, so I stubbornly ignored her counsel.

Well, over my break I ended up having to go to the doctor. I just got some medicines and left thinking everything was going to be fine. However, the next day I had gotten worse, and it was clear that I needed to go back. Mom called the doctor's office and squeezed me in, and I was able to see a different doctor from the day before. It was all a part of God's plan obviously.

So, I went to see this new doctor, and he knew exactly what was wrong. He immediately sent me to get a CT scan and ultimately prevented me from having an infection that could have spread to my brain and caused meningitis. (Of course that was a "Thank you, God" moment, but it wasn't even the best part).

God spoke to me that day through that doctor. My doctor didn't just keep me from getting sicker, or prevent my family from spending countless dollars in medical bills. He gave me some of the best advice I have ever received.

My mom asked the doctor to explain to me that it was okay to not have an A in a pre-med class, especially my first semester. I rolled my eyes at her as she explained my scenario to him and felt my face getting red, but in a few short moments I was blown away with his response.

He didn't just give me the cliche advice that I had been repeatedly hearing about it being my freshman year or that it was just a really hard course. He didn't tell me to stick with the pre-med classes either. He gave me advice that impacted my life spiritually.

He explained to me the importance of praying about what God wants for my future. He explained to me the importance of trusting that God would pave the path that I need to take. He then explained to me that I'm really never going to be satisfied with anything unless it was a part of God's plan. He was right. If God called me to be a teacher but I chose to be a doctor, I would never be happy. If God called me to be a nurse but I chose to be a photographer, I would never be happy. It all kind of started making sense to me.

His advice didn't make any decisions for me, but it's definitely adjusted my prayer walk. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up or what I want to study these next few years, but I know that whatever it is, God's already paving the road for me. I just need to pray, look up, and stop looking ahead.

Who Am I?

Who am I? 

A question I find myself asking quite often

Am I defined by my achievements or my failures? Am I defined by how I view myself, or am I defined by how other people label me? Am I just another college student, friend, and daughter in the world, or am I more than that? Am I the mistakes that I have made or the aspirations I have? Am I the sum of each of these things, or am I none of these things?

Who am I?

When I open my Bible, I find my true identity.

I am loved. 1 John 4:10
I am redeemed and forgiven. Colossians 1:14
I am God's masterpiece. Ephesians 2:10
I am chosen to bear fruit. John 15:16
I am a citizen of Heaven. Philippians 3:20
I am holy and blameless. Ephesians 1:4
I am never alone. Hebrews 13:5
I am Christ's ambassador. 2 Corinthians 5:20
I am a salt and light of the world. Matthew 5:13-14
I am victorious. 1 John 5:4
I am chosen to be loved. Colossians 3:12
I am born again. 1 Peter 1:23
I am a child of God. John 1:12

Satan is and always will be a liar. He is the master of deception, and he attacks us constantly with doubts and lies about our identities. We are often told we are worthless, unloved, and unforgivable, but God's Word tells us otherwise. It is our choice to listen to the lies of the enemy or to replace those lies with the Truths we can find in God's Word. Our lives reflect the thoughts we keep about ourselves. So when we continually feed our minds with negative thoughts and lies, our lives will produce fruits of the sinful nature. However when we feed our minds with God's Truth, our lives reflect the life that Jesus died to give us, and we produce fruits of the Spirit.

You are more than the lies of this world, and you are more than the sum of your mistakes and failures. You are MORE because You are LOVED by the King of Kings and your Heavenly Father. So today I encourage you to start feeding your mind with Truths found in God's Word and to start ignoring the lies of the enemy.