In turn, everyday for the past couple of weeks, I have gotten extremely frustrated with what I have considered "my inability to forgive as Christ has forgiven me."
If you took a look at my grades, it'd be no secret that I'm pretty bad at math.
I've never really liked math, and it's always been something that I've struggled with, especially when it comes to this one particular math problem.
70 x 7
It gets me every time.
If you don't know what I'm referring to, take a look at these two verses.
"Then Peter came to him and asked, 'Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?' 'No, not seven times,' Jesus replied, 'But seventy times seven.'"
Matthew 18:21-22
As I first read this verse following my frustrations with forgiveness, I got really annoyed with God. "Seriously, Lord? You expect me to forgive _____ for their countless sins against me... How am I suppose to do that when I can't even forgive them for this one act?"
As I have tried, tried, and tried again to forgive this person, each day something would remind me of the pain that they caused me, which ultimately led to feelings of resentment and hurt all over again. "Great. I thought I forgave them already, Lord, but here I am experiencing this all over again. I'll never be able to truly forgive."
Not too long ago, as I struggled yet again with my "inability to forgive" I had a revelation.
Maybe God isn't just telling me that when ____ sins seventy times seven times, I must forgive them for each account. Maybe God is also telling me that I need to forgive this one sin against me seventy times seven times.
As I processed that thought, I began to realize that forgiveness is a choice that, more often than not, has to be made more than once. And for me, the choice to forgive has to be made daily, at least for now.
To close, I wanted to share with you a prayer that I often find myself having to pray when I have to make the choice to forgive yet again:
To close, I wanted to share with you a prayer that I often find myself having to pray when I have to make the choice to forgive yet again:
____________________________________________________
Father,
I am coming to you right now as I recognize my need for you to help me forgive _____. I know that in my weakness, I cannot forgive _____, so I am asking you to please display your strength through me. I am bringing you my feelings of bitterness, pain, and sadness, as I recognize that these feelings are hindering me from loving others and experiencing your joy. By faith in you, I am coming to you right now to ask for the strength and the grace to forgive _____ as you have forgiven me. Please heal my heart as I no longer want to be held captive by pain, bitterness, and unforgiveness any longer. Renew in my spirit a fresh understanding of your grace and your love so that I can mirror that in the lives of others. Help me to act on my faith rather than my feelings, as I continue through this journey of forgiveness. Lord, thank you for forgiving me, thank you for setting me free, and thank you for displaying your power through me as I am making the choice to forgive today. I love you, Lord.
Amen.
