If you want me to be honest, I've been there.
It's such a confusing and disheartening situation because you know in your heart that God is merciful and ready to forgive, but you are so shameful of your sins and you begin to believe the lies of the enemy to the point where your relationship with God suffers tremendously.
Over the past few years I have learned a handful of things about Satan as he as attacked my life time and time again, one of which being: when he can't convince me to believe the lies about myself, he feeds me lies about my Heavenly Father.
"God is not loving. He is not gracious or merciful. He will never forgive your sins." All of which are so far from the truth, but at times I have found myself believing these things.
As previously mentioned, I have been caught up in my sin to the point that I couldn't hardly go to God in prayer or read His Word because I was so shameful and honestly I just didn't want bring my problems to Him because I was afraid.
Here is the thing though: God already knows every detail of your life. (Psalm 139:1) This includes your bad days, the things you are shameful of, and your sins.
When I first heard of God's omniscience I was scared of it, and then a little later I began to simply ignore it as I would attempt to hide my sin from Him. However, over time, God revealed His Truths on the subject to me.
We do not have to be afraid of His omniscience! When we are find ourselves scared or trying to hide details of our lives from Him, we are accepting lies of the enemy.
There is nothing to be afraid of because God does not look at us with eyes that scrutinize every little aspect of our life that He does not like... He looks at us with eyes of grace!
When God looks at you He sees:
A new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17)
A child who has been reconciled by Christ, whose sins are not counted (2 Corinthians 5:18-19)
A child of the light (1 Thessalonians 5:5)
A victor (Romans 8:37)
A chosen and appointed child (John 15:16)
A co-heir of Christ (Romans 8:17)
And so many other beautiful things, none of which we should be afraid of.
In addition to the way that God views us, He also continually offers us His forgiveness.
No sins of ours are too big to be forgiven. When Jesus died on the cross, He died for ALL of our sins, each and every one of them, and The gift of forgiveness is ours for eternity.
How comforting it is that when we are broken by our sin we can freely go to our Father for healing and restoration and allow Him to wash our sins away as white as snow (Isaiah 1:18).
There is no reason for us to be afraid or shameful. We are not victims of our sin, we are conquerors of it, and the first step to conquering our sins must start with going to the Father with them and allowing Him to view every aspect of yourself including the broken parts of you that are results from the pains of sin you have not allowed Him to forgive. When you draw closer to Him you allow Him to transform whatever may be broken into something beautiful.
