Hi, my name is Erin Pentecost, and I am a recovering people pleaser.
I have spent nearly my whole life trying to make other people happy, and let me tell you... it's exhausting.
Well to make a long story short, the other day I was reading in Galatians and there was a part that really stuck out to me; it says, "If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ's servant." (Galatians 1:10)
As I let Paul's words soak in for while, I started to recognize how much of my life is consumed by "people pleasing," and after awhile I really started to be convicted about how much I do to make other people happy with me.
I'm sure you're thinking, "What's the big deal about making others happy?" I can imagine you sitting there thinking that or something along the same line because I too have thought the same things before about myself. Recently, however, God has really been revealing things in my life that I've been doing which have made winning the approval of man really stick out to be an idol in my life.
- Being overly critical of myself
- Continually being fearful of any risks or possibilities of being "wrong"
- Thriving on praise/appreciation from others
- Over apologizing for unnecessary things
- Saying "yes" to things that I don't want to do
- Constantly being fearful of what others may think if I don't always seem "perfect"
- Rarely asking for help with things in my own life
And to be completely honest, that list is only scratching the surface of things God has been revealing to me about my people pleasing attributes.
For so long I have tried to convince myself that my motives for pleasing others were pure. I mean, let's be honest, continually trying to please EVERYONE sounds pretty selfless and awesome, right?
Wrong.
People pleasing was and always has been a form of idolatry in my life. Why? Because I continually chose to put the wants, needs, opinions, and approval of man before God. I was not being Christ's servant.
I allowed others to seemingly control me rather that allowing God to truly be sovereign over my life. I was more fearful of the opinion of man rather than fearing God in a healthy and proper way. I was not being Christ's servant.
I had very poor stewardship because I often would spread myself too thin or have intentions of good things without ever being able to completely follow through for various reasons. I was not being Christ's servant.
My motives were based on fear of rejection, fear of making others mad/upset, fear of disappointment, etc. My motives were not based on love. I was not being Christ's servant.
And the list could go on... No matter how "good" some of the things I would do were, I was never doing them as a true servant of Christ because of the way I had allowed people pleasing to become such an idol in my life. Continually I would find myself burned out, exhausted, and sometimes even a little bitter because of my people pleasing attributes. I can try to twist things all day long and tell you that everything that I did was out of love, but that wouldn't be true. Love pursues authenticity, not a sense of acceptance from others.
As I share my heart with you about this and openly share about some of these things that God has been revealing in my life, I can't help but think that maybe some of you reading this are or have been struggling in this area of your life. Maybe you have been struggling with people pleasing for awhile now and your eyes are just now being opened to the way it can become such an idol in your life despite your often "good" intentions. Well, I would like to give you some hope and a sense of direction.
Rip the idol out from its roots and dig into Scripture. Start basing your worth and approval off of the Truths in God's Word rather than on the opinion of man. Understand that God must become MORE in your life while you must become LESS. Stop allowing the acceptance of man be such a priority in your life... Take the time to soak in the fact that God completely and fully accepts you as you are, no strings attached. The prison of constantly pleasing other people is miserable and exhausting, but the joy that comes from making God FIRST in your life and then being able to serve others through His strength and power is indescribable!
There's nothing wrong with doing things for other people (according to Philippians 2, we are to have a Christ like attitude by acknowledging and respecting the interests of others), but there is a big difference in doing things for others as a servant of Christ and as someone who simply wants to seek acceptance by trying to please everyone. You have to allow your acceptance come from God first. Take a minute to sit back in God's presence and just let Him love you and accept you for who you are. Receive His love first so that you can truly and purely love others.
I started this post by saying I am a RECOVERING people pleaser. There's a good chance that if you invited me to go to lunch for mexican and I wanted pizza, I would be eating chips and salsa. But I have been learning the importance of rest, the importance of saying "no" when I need to, that God's love for me is not based on how much I do for others, and that putting my relationship with The Lord FIRST at all times is the only way I can truly be a servant of Christ which is ultimately the best thing I can do for myself and for others. And let me tell you, it's been a beautiful journey of recovery so far.
So do you want to grab some pizza? ;)
