It's always interesting to pick up an old notebook and read what all I've written in the past. There's pages covered in both tears of joy and pain from the times that I've poured my heart out to The Lord using an ink pen and a couple of tattered pages in old journal.
I actually decided to do that last night. I picked up an old prayer journal, and I chose to flip through the pages and simply just skim over what was going on in my life a little over a year ago.
As I flipped through the pages, I noticed time and time again where I would seemingly beg God to do things my way... not necessarily in a demanding sense, but I recognized the urgency I had for things to align with what I wanted rather than simply praying for God's will to be done through my situations.
I couldn't help but laugh at myself as I read some of the things that I had prayed for. The hopes and dreams that I had at the time weren't necessarily "bad," but I just can't seem to even imagine where I would be in life if I had actually received the things I had wanted. Good thing God is sovereign, and I am not.
I write this because I vividly remember some of the disappointment that I faced when things didn't add up in my life at the time. I remember foolishly thinking that God was never going to bring me out of my situation or show me where to go since I clearly wasn't going where I had anticipated to go with my life.
I wish I could write to my past self and encourage my young heart that things were, in fact, going to be completely okay in the end... it would have saved me a lot of tears and confusion, I'm sure. However, sadly, I can't do that, but hopefully I can encourage you.
I can completely and honestly tell you that my hopes, plans, and dreams were nothing compared to what God has been doing in my life here recently... they are FAR better. (I mean duh.. why wouldn't they be? He has our very best interests in mind)
But since I am being honest, it hasn't all been easy. I mean, let's be real, when is it ever easy to turn your back on your own plans and start heading towards something completely different from what you had always imagined? While there are many specific things that I am thankful for because they haven't gone as I had originally hoped... there are also things that still do not make sense to me, but I know that God has it under control.
If I could give one piece of advice... it would be to trust The Lord. Like seriously... TRUST HIM. His ways, His plans, His love, His Word, His promises, His faithfulness, His goodness...
Trust Him through the times where things are clear and then again when things are confusing, and release the outcomes into His hands because He truly does have your best interests in mind, even when you don't have an understanding of the situation. All the while, develop a patient attitude alongside your trust. Patience just seems to go hand in hand with trust, something I quickly learned.
It's okay to have hopes, dreams, and plans for a future, but always be receptive of what The Lord is prompting your heart for, even when it doesn't align with your own plans. If He answers your prayers with a "no" or simply redirects your path, choose to follow Him anyway. Let His will be done and not your own; only then will you be able to live an abundant life.
